Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Six Different Brands of Energy/Protein Bars

      It's been a while since I reviewed energy or protein bars, so I thought I'd rectify that.  This section at my local grocery store seems to have grown significantly since the last time I checked.  And there were many new-to-me brands as well.  So I grabbed one from six different companies to compare and contrast.  In all I tried one from Jonesbar (mango almond), one from Quantum Energy Squares (salted peanut butter crunch), one from RxBar (peanut butter), one from GoMacro (peanut butter chocolate chip), one from Verb Energy (cookie dough), and one from Munk Pack (peanut butter and dark chocolate).

     Because I'm sampling from six different companies, I'll keep their histories and background information deliberately short.  (And, frankly, for many I would have had to do this anyway, since their official websites were basically just product lists.)  Therefore, Jonesbar was started by a man named Taylor Jones.  Jones is originally from Ann Arbor, Michigan, but he moved to Manasquan, New Jersey, and started his company there.  Jonesbars are organic and kosher, some are paleo-friendly, and all lack added sugar and were neither cooked nor baked.  Many of Jones' other flavors include peanut butter and/or chocolate.

Quantum Energy Squares are made in Santa Monica, California.  The listed founders are Leah and Dan.  A business website provided Dan's surname as being Medvene.  But I'm not 100% sure if Leah and Dan are a couple, and if so, if she changed her surname to Medvene.  Quantum's overriding goal is to make energy bars that are nutritious, and don't result in the jitters and a crash.  The company claims that caffeine from green coffee fits this bill.  Their bars also lack gluten, GMOs, artificial ingredients, dairy, and soy, and are kosher and vegan-appropriate.

     RxBar was founded in either 2012 or early 2013 by Peter Rahel and Jared Smith, in Chicago, Illinois.  Their bars include "A.M." and "mini" varieties.  Unlike most of the other companies I'll discuss, RxBars are evidently not vegan or kosher, and some contain gluten and/or added sugar.

     GoMacro is a mother-daughter operation, with the former being Amelia Kirchoff, and the latter being Jola (no surname given).  Amelia was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003, and in addition to getting surgery and conventional medical treatment she decided to switch to a plant-based macrobiotic diet.  The ladies quickly decided to make macrobiotic bars for sale, and began the company in 2004.  (As far as I can tell, GoMacro is by far the oldest of the companies I'll talk about today.)  All of GoMacro's wares are organic, plant-based, and lack GMOs.  The company's location is the family farm, in Viola, Wisconsin.

     Verb Energy sells both energy bars and protein ones.  The company's headquarters are in Boston, Massachusetts, and its founders are Matt Czarnecki (who's also the current CEO), Andre Monteiro, and Bennett Byerley.  As with Quantum Energy, the business claims to use a healthier form of caffeine, that's derived from green tea.  In 2020 Verb donated 750,000 bars to healthcare workers during the early days of the COVID pandemic.  (Meaning the company was started at least by early 2020 at the latest.)  The brand also has a celebrity fan in Olympic athlete Shawn Johnson.  An artistic gymnast, she won a gold medal at the 2008 Olympics in the balance beam category, and 3 silver medals in other artistic gymnast events.

     Finally, Michelle and Tobias ("Toby") Glienke dislike sugar.  Or, more properly, they despise it.  So, when they decided to start making their own protein bars, they used an allegedly healthier alternate sweetener, allulose.  Which is a naturally occurring substance, and the Glienkes get theirs from non-GMO corn.  In 2013 the Greenwich, Connecticut-based company Munk Pack began.  Like many of the others, the business is proud of being GMO free.  Although, oddly, for a company such as this, they're not necessarily allergen-free, as their bars are made in facilities that also process peanuts, tree nuts, soy, and sesame.  And while they technically qualify as being gluten-free by government standards, they reportedly do have trace amounts of it.  So bear that in mind if you have allergies or celiac disease.

Because there are so many products today, I'm going to change up my usual rating system.  At the end I'll rate every bar as being "weak," "okay," or "good."  And they'll be listed worst to first.

GoMacro bar, peanut butter and chocolate chip flavor:  It measured about 8 cm. by 5 cm. (or about 3.5 inches by 2 inches), was a light brown color, and had visible inclusions such as chocolate chips in it.  It was also quite shiny.  The texture was sticky and very chewy.  The taste was kind of bland.  I could detect a chocolate flavor, but not much else.  It wasn't terrible--I could finish it, but it was far from tasty.  (Weak)

Verb Energy bar, cookie dough flavor:  This was a small bar, being only about 3 inches by 1.25 inches (or about 7.5 cm. by 3 cm.), and it had a shiny, light brown color, with visible yellow chunks in it.  The flavor was a bit oat-y, and I didn't really detect a cookie dough taste.  It was chewy, but overall bland.  (Weak)

Jonesbar, mango and almond flavor:  It was about 2.75 inches by 1.5 inches (about 7 cm. by 4 cm.), with a shiny, dark brown color, with visible inclusions.  It was chewy, and alright.  Sweet, but could have been sweeter.  A solid energy bar, and nothing more.  (Okay)

RxBar, peanut butter flavor:  This bar measured about 7 cm. by 5 cm. (about 3 inches by 2 inches), and had a dark brown hue, again with visible inclusions.  The texture was chewy.  The taste was peanut-y, and decent.  (Okay)

Quantum Energy Square, salted peanut butter crunch:  As the name suggests, it was a square shape, about 2.5 inches (about 6.5 cm.) to a side.  Dark brown color, with visible nuts and seeds and such.  It was a little crunchy.  The flavor was very peanut butter-y.  Or good, almost like a candy bar.  I really enjoyed this one.  (Good)

Munk Pack, peanut butter and dark chocolate flavor:  This one was a dark brown chocolate on one side, and the other was exposed nuts and seeds, with some chocolate drizzle lines atop it.  The size was about 3.75 inches by 1.25 inches (about 10 cm. by 3 cm.).  The texture was crunchy and chewy.  The taste was seed-y, and the dark chocolate bitterness was cut nicely by the other ingredients, including the peanut butter.  Along with the Quantum one, I enjoyed this one the best.  Unusually tasty for a health bar.  (Good)

     So, all in all, I would consider buying the Quantum and Munk Pack bars again.  But even the weakest ones weren't terrible--just kind of blah and dull.  And to be fair, I only tried one flavor per brand.  Maybe other flavors of the weak brands are better, or other kinds of the strong brands are bad.  Although since I only tried one kind per brand, I deliberately chose flavors I usually like, so there's that.

     I realize when you pick protein/energy/health bars as a topic, you're naturally going to buy from companies that are super into nutrition, and may be obsessed with avoiding things like gluten, GMOs, artificial ingredients, etc.  You know, kind of hippie types.  But after reading through six very similar founder histories, I'm kind of getting tired, and crave something different.  Like, "This company was founded by fat, lazy, couch potatoes, who don't give a crap about nutrition, or artificial ingredients, and instead only care about taste.  As well as making piles of precious, precious money."  Or in other words, an account that's cynically honest, perhaps even destructive, for a change.  I'm more than half-kidding here, but you get my point.

  

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Bubble Teas

      Over the past few years, I'd vaguely heard about something called "bubble tea."  Not being much of a tea drinker (I only drink the very occasional flavored ice tea), I didn't pay much attention to it.  But, a couple of months ago I saw some for sale at my local grocery, so I picked up a couple.  I bought two offerings from the Joyba line--their blueberry pomegranate black tea and their cherry hibiscus tea.

     The official Joyba website was yet another one of those very limited, brief ones, with no information about the founders, or the company history.  It was basically just a product list.  Aside from the two I tried, alternate flavors include strawberry rose, strawberry lemonade, mango passion fruit, raspberry dragon fruit, and sweet peach honeysuckle.  Some of these are available in both black and green tea kinds.  Other than that, about the only tidbits I learned were that the bubbles, or boba, are made from a soft seaweed extract called alginate, and that Joyba supports LGBTQ+ rights.  However, I then learned from other sources that Joyba is a brand owned by the massive Del Monte company.  There also wasn't much about Del Monte's history online.  It started in 1886, when unnamed people used the name of a famous hotel in California's Monterrey Peninsula to sell coffee.  By 1892 this new company started selling canned peaches as well.  Over the next century Del Monte began selling many other kinds of canned foods, as well as both buying up other brands and being bought up by other companies themselves.  In 1972 it reportedly did become the first food processor company to  voluntarily include nutritional information on their product labels.  Aside from Joyba, Del Monte also owns brands such as S&W, Contradina, Take Root, and Quick 'n'Easy.

    But, you may be asking, what exactly is bubble tea?  Well, this time the creation is pretty well known.  No one disputes that it was developed in Taiwan in the 1980's.  There are two competing origin stories.  In the first, it was invented in the Chun Shui Tang tea room in Taichung, which was owned by Liu Han-Chieh.  The business's product development manager, a woman named Lin Hsiu Hui, allegedly poured some tapioca balls into some tea during a staff meeting in 1988, drank it, and encouraged others to do the same.  The results were so pleasing that the tea room started selling this new drink to customers.  Alternately, the Hanlin Tea Room in Tainan claims it invented the drink in 1986.  Owner Tu Tsong-he said he'd been inspired by the white tapioca he saw at the local market.  This version was named "pearl tea."  Whoever first created it, bubble tea exploded in popularity.  It spread throughout Hong Kong, China, Japan, Vietnam, and Singapore, and then throughout much of the rest of the world.  There are many varieties of bubble tea.  Some use green tea, some black, some oolong.  Sometimes milk is added, and sometimes not.  All sorts of different fruit flavors are added as well.  The bubbles can be made from several different sources, too, although most modern ones are made from tapioca.  And, there is a range of bubble or ball shapes--round, pea-sized ones seem like the most common, but some are cubes, rectangles, or even stars. Some people even add milk or cheese foam on the top.  The latter supposedly adds an interesting saltiness to the sweet tea flavor.  However it's made, and flavored, bubble tea is almost always served cold.  Which, as someone how eschews hot beverages, I fully support. 

Joyba bubble tea, blueberry pomegranate black tea flavor:  Had a red-purplish color.  Fruity odor.  Tastes like iced tea, I guess.  Or alright.  The bubbles had accumulated at the bottom.  They were soft, and slightly chewy, without much taste of their own.  I suppose they were kind of fun to pop in your mouth.  So I guess the bubbles did add a little something to an otherwise regular iced tea.  Therefore, if you like iced tea I'll give this a slight recommend.

Joyba bubble tea, cherry hibiscus tea flavor:  Reddish-brown in color, cherry-ish odor.  Decent taste--again cherry-ish, not surprisingly.  Once again, the bubbles were at the bottom, and they had the same texture and lack of taste as in the previous tea.  Oddly, this tea was listed as being a "Product of Mexico," while the other one was apparently made in the home factory of Walnut Creek, CA.  As with the other one this tea was okay, and if you're a fan of iced tea you'll presumably enjoy this as well.

     I looked it up, and the Chun Shui Tang tea room (one of the two possible origins of bubble tea) is still in business.  I was especially intrigued by one of its menu items.  In addition to dozens of sorts of bubble teas, they also serve some food.  Including something called pig's blood cake, which appears to be really made from pig's blood, ala the blood pudding made in the U.K.  It sounds revolting, but in a possibly cool way.

  

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Tunisian Dates

      I was a bit excited when I saw that the dates I'd bought recently just happened to be from Tunisia.  Because I don't think I've ever had anything from this nation.  One of my goals is to sample at least one thing from every country in the world.  Which, honestly may not be realized, but at least now I'm one nation closer.  These dates were from Sunshine Snacks.

     Alas, at this point I hit a huge snag.  Normally, I like to include a little about the business that made the product(s) I'm discussing, but today that's not really going to happen much.  Because Sunshine Snacks is a terrible, cliche, extremely common company or brand name.  I found many Sunshine Snacks online, but none of them appeared to be the one for my dates.  Moving up the chain, the dates were distributed by a company called National Harvest, out of Great Neck, NY.  It's possible that Sunshine Snacks are actually a brand of theirs, and not just something they import.  But who knows?  The website for National Harvest was useless.  A few sentences revealing nothing of detail about the company itself, and the product list was bizarre.  Even the tersest of company websites usually include everything they market.  Not this one.  Just a mentioning and photos of the three types of food they distribute--dried fruit, nuts, and peas.  From the pictures, and then later from non-company websites, I was able to figure out that they sell pistachio nuts, peanuts, hazelnuts, figs, raisins, apricots, sun dried tomatoes, dates, and peas.  But that's it.  A non-company website provided the information that the business has only 3 or 4 employees--John E. Yilmaz, Dodge Dogan, Ozlem Keceli, and Sushma Patel.  Some, or all of these folks may be Tunisian, but I can't say for sure.

Sunshine Snacks dates:  These were brown, wrinkled, and about 4 by 1.5 cm. (about 1.5 by .5 inches) in size.  The pits had been removed.  They were dry, of course, but some were shiny, soft, and juicy.  (Others were drier, and harder, and therefore less tasty.)  The good ones were delicious, as dates usually are.  Chewy, and syrupy sweet.  The bad ones were disappointing.  In my post on June 30, 2013 I went into more detail about dates themselves, and how I love them.  (Unless they're too hard and dry.)  I buy dates weekly, but usually I buy from the Paramount company (see my August 12, 2023 post about other dried fruits), since their dates are typically more soft, sweet, and awesome.  But if my grocery store is out of Paramount dates, as sometimes happens, these are an okay substitute.

     Since this is my first post about a Tunisian product, I'll do my usual thing and give a brief overview of some of its features and famous people.  Reportedly, Tunisia is a world leader in the production of phosphate, used in the production of fertilizers and detergents.  Moving to entertainment, many scenes from the "Star Wars" movies have been shot in Tunisia, as it's a stand-in for the desert planet of Tatooine.  In fact, that very name is derived from a real Tunisian community, which spells it Tataouine.  Staying with movies, Tunisia has produced a couple of world famous actors.  Claudia Cardinale was born there, although her parents were of Italian ancestry.  She is probably best known for roles in "Rocco and his Brothers" (1960), "Girl With a Suitcase" (1961), "Cartouche" (1962), "8 1/2" (1963), "The Pink Panther" (1963), "The Professionals" (1966), "Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968), and "Claretta" (1984).  Marwen Kenzari was born in The Netherlands, but has Tunisian heritage.  He's been in films such as "Wolf" (2013), "Collide" (2016), "Ben-Hur" (2016), "The Promise" (2016), "Murder on the Orient Express" (2017), and "Black Adam" (2022).  Switching to overall fame, surely the most famous person born in what's now Tunisia is the Carthaginian general and statesman Hannibal Barca (247-182? B.C.), noted especially for his battles with the Romans and military genius in general.  Recently, in 2023, the world saw its first person with Tunisian heritage to win a Nobel Prize, as Moungi Bawendi shared the Prize for Chemistry for his work on discovering and synthesizing quantum dots.  Bawendi was born in France, and spent much of his life in the U.S., but has a Tunisian father.  In sports, one Tunisian was good enough to play in the NBA--Salah Mejri, who was a center with the Dallas Mavericks from 2015-19.  He started 22 of 204 total games, and averaged 3.4 points, 4.0 rebounds, 0.5 assists, 0.4 steals, and 0.9 blocks, and accumulated 8.1 Win Shares.  Four Tunisians have won Olympic gold medals, all in the Summer games.  Mohammed Gammoudi was a long distance runner, and won 1 gold, 2 silver, and 1 bronze medal in the Men's 5000 meters and 10,000 meters in the 1964 and 1968 games.  Oussama Melloudi was a great swimmer, earning 2 golds and 1 silver in the 1500 freestyle and 10 K marathon events in 2008 and 2012.  Habiba Ghribi is the only Tunisian woman to win a gold medal, which she won in the 3000 meter steeplechase (running) in 2012 games.  Finally, Ahmed Hafnaoui won gold in the men's 400 meter freestyle swimming event in the 2020 games. 

Extremely Difficult Trivia About "Caddyshack" (1980)

      With spring having just arrived this week (at least for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere), I thought I'd do a trivia dive into a movie set during warm weather, "Caddyshack."  This movie was only a moderate hit when it was released in 1980, but since then has been regarded as a comedy classic.  It was directed by the late Harold Ramis, and written by Ramis, Brian Doyle-Murray (Bill's older brother), and the late Douglas Kenney.  It'll be the usual drill--questions followed by the answers.  Many SPOILERS ahead.  Enjoy!

Questions:

1)    Danny taunts one of his sisters about leaving her training bra with a boy.  Name the boy.

2)    Danny's father, Mr. Noonan, questions a boy in his kitchen, asking who he is.  Name this boy.

3)    Mr. Noonan threatens to call up a man to put Danny to work in the lumber yard.  Name the man.

4)    In their opening scene together, Ty Webb calls Danny by the wrong name twice.  Provide these incorrect names.

5)    Danny tells Ty about taking a test to determine what career he's best suited for.  What is the name of this test?

6)    What did this test indicate that Ty's ideal career was?

7)    And what did the test indicate that Danny should be?

8)    What college is Danny thinking of attending?

9)    According to Danny, what does this college cost per year?

10)   What number golf hole is the gopher destroying when Judge Smails first sees it?

11)   What is the name of Bushwood's head greenskeeper?

12)   Carl is introduced lusting after some older women.  Which one does he call by name?

13)   Lou is heard making sports bets over the phone.  For what two teams?

14)   Where did Carl jump ship, before making his way to Tibet to caddy for the Dalai Lama?

15)   According to Carl which number Lama did he caddy for?

16)   How did Carl describe the Dalai Lama?

17)   What are the five listed "no" rules for caddies on the door sign?

18)  The previous winner of the caddy scholarship has just recently died.  Name them.

19)   How did this person die?

20)   What is the name of the African American clubhouse attendant, who doesn't appreciate the Judge's racially offensive joke?

21)   What relation is Spaulding to Judge Smails?

22)   According to Judge Smails, who's been the Bushwood club champ the past three years?

23)   Al Czervik is not a member of Bushwood.  What member invites him in as a guest?

24)   Ty doesn't keep score, but in a talk with the Judge, Danny estimates Ty shoots about what?

25)   According to Al, what heavy loads did he carry when he was Tony's age?

26)   Al makes two bets with Judge Smails during their first encounter.  For how much, total?

27)   According to the Judge, who gave him the uniform he's wearing at the Bushwood formal dinner?

28)   Al reveals that his wife died the previous winter.  Name her.

29)   Maggie accuses Lacey of being promiscuous.  Who does she say Lacey's been "plucked more than"?

30)   On that note, where does Lacey live in Manhattan, according to Maggie?

31)   What drink does Al order from the bartender at the Club dinner?

32)   While talking to Ty, Lacey lists two things she does for fun.  Name them.

33)   Whose car does Spaulding vomit into, via an open sunroof?

34)   Carl threatens to fill his boss's bagpipes with what?

35)   Ty tells Danny a story about his former college roommate, who got into trouble for having sex with the dean's underage daughter.  Name him.

36)   What philosopher does Ty quote in this same speech?

37)   What number tournament is this year's Caddy Day Tournament?

38)   What time slot are the caddies allowed to use the Bushwood pool?

39)   What brand of candy bar is mistaken for a "doodie," or feces, at the pool?

40)   Lacey notices hunting equipment at Ty's house, and asks him about it.  What animal does she think he's after, and what animal does he reply he's after?

41)   Lacey notices a large uncashed check at Ty's, which he offers her.  How much is it for?

42)   During his massage of Lacey, Ty mentions an infamous serial killer.  Name him.

43)   What is the name of the yacht club where Judge Smails is christening his new boat?

44)   What is the name of the marijuana dealer that Lacey quickly dismisses?

45)   What is the name of Judge Smails' new boat?

46)   And what is the name of Al Czervik's boat, which sinks the Judge's?

47)   Carl fantasizes about winning a famous gold tournament while destroying flowers.  Name it.

48)   What drink is Bishop Pickering downing after his recent electrocution on the course?

49)   What three kinds of grass make up Carl's registered hybrid grass?

50)   Ty (presumably joking) mentions a famous athlete to take over for Al before naming Danny.  Name this athlete.

51)   What is the name of Judge Smails' special putter?

52)   After losing the bet, the Judge initially refuses to pay Al.  What two thuggish men does Al call over, "to help the Judge find his checkbook"?

53)   (Conjectural)  Did Dr. Beeper lose any money during the big final match?

54)   (Conjectural)  How many siblings does Danny have?

55)   What is the Judge's first name.  (His wife calls him by it a couple of times.)

56)   (Conjectural)  Did Danny actually screw himself over for his future by replacing Al in the final match?

Answers:

1)    Pete Scalary.

2)    Dennis, Mr. Noonan's nephew.

3)    Tom Burdick.

4)    Timmy, and oddly, Betty.

5)    The Cooter Preference Test.  This is a reference to the real life Kuder Test, but they made the name a little naughty.

6)    A fire-watcher.  Which I guess is like a forest ranger?

7)    An underachiever.  Obviously a joke, and Danny doesn't reveal the actual result.

8)    St. Copious, located in Northern Nebraska.  This is a fake school, and a fake saint.

9)    $8000 a year.

10)   The 14th.  We see the flag being dragged around, and then pulled down into a hole.

11)   Sandy McFiddish, who's basically a walking Scottish stereotype.

12)   Mrs. Crane.  She's the "monkey woman" and such.

13)   The Mets and the Yankees, both Major League Baseball teams.

14)   Hong Kong.

15)   He's says it was the 12th one, which is...odd, since the 12th Dalai Lama lived from 1857-75.  The 13th died in 1933.  So, it's possible that Carl was either confused, or is making the whole tale up.

16)   "The flowing robes, the grace, bald, striking."  He was also reportedly a "big hitter," golf-wise.

17)   No fighting, no spitting, no drinking, no gambling, no bare feet.

18)   Carl Lipbaum.

19)   Lou says it was from a severe anxiety attack.  A caddy claims Carl swallowed his own vomit during a test.

20)   Smoke Porterhouse.

21)   He's the Judge's grandson.

22)   Dr. Beeper.

23)   Drew Scott.

24)   68.

25)   He says he carried 50 pound bags of ice up 5-6 flights of stairs.

26)   $1100.  First he bets $100 that the Judge will slice into the woods on his first drive.  (He does.) Then he bets $1000 that the Judge will miss the putt in the hole next to the restaurant.  (He does.)

27)   The Captain of the Links at St. Andrews.  Lacey seems extremely disinterested.

28)   Mona.

29)   The Rose of Tralee.  This is a real Irish festival and beauty contest.

30)   5th Avenue, and Maggie claims that Lacey is the biggest whore on that street.

31)   A bullshot.  Which is made with vodka, beef broth or bouillon, and various spices.  Really.

32)   Skinny-skiing (skiing naked), and going to bullfights on acid.

33)   Dr. Beeper's Porsche.

34)   Wheatena.  Which I just learned is a toasted wheat breakfast cereal, which still exists.

35)   Mitch Cumstein.

36)   The Zen philosopher Basho, a real man, who lived from 1644-94, and was known for his haikus.  I'm pretty sure he didn't say what Ty claimed, though.

37)   It's the 35th one, and it's an annual event.

38)   A misery 15 minutes, from 1:00 to 1:15.

39)   It's a Baby Ruth chocolate bar.  Although the filmmakers removed the "h" on the end of the wrapper, presumably so they wouldn't get in trouble with the candy makers.

40)   She speculates it's ducks, but Ty says he hunts dolphins.

41)   $70,000.  Along with several others, of undisclosed amounts.  And a summons.

42)   The Son of Sam, or the real life serial killer David Berkowitz.

43)   Rolling Lakes.

44)   Terry the Hippie.

45)   The Flying Wasp.

46)   Seafood.

47)   The Masters, one of the four Major events for men, held in Augusta, Georgia.

48)   A Rob Roy.  Which is usually Scotch whisky, vermouth, and Angostora bitters.

49)   Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bent, and Northern California sinsemilla.  The first two are common golf course grasses, and the third is obviously marijuana.

50)   Sonja Henie, who was a Norwegian figure skater and actress.  She died in 1969.

51)   Billy Baroo.

52)   Moose and Rocco.

53)   I don't think so.  Originally the match was a regular tournament, with the lowest combined score winning, and the losing pair having to pay $40,000 each.  Danny's final putt would just tie the score if he made it.  However, the Judge agreed with Al to change the bet to $80,000 about whether Danny would make the final putt or not.  But, they don't ask the Doctor if he agrees to this too, so I don't think he's a part of it.  And we only see Al trying to get the money from Smails, not Dr. Beeper.

54)   I've looked into this, and no one seems to know for sure.  One book I read postulated there are 14 kids other than Danny (and his cousin Dennis), but that's just an estimate.  Apparently only 6 are named in the credits.  And there's a possibility that some are grandchildren, other cousins, etc.  Clearly it was all a joke, to make Danny's household look overcrowded and chaotic.

55)   Elihu, who is an Old Testament man involved with the Job account.

56)   Possibly.  It depends on how much the caddy scholarship was for, if he still even wants to go to college, and how generous Al and Ty are.  First off, I think it's safe to say that the Judge will take the scholarship away from Danny out of rage that Danny "betrayed" him by playing for Al.  Some scholarships cover all college expenses, so it's possible that all $32,000 of the cost of attending St. Copious will be paid by it.  Al won $80,000 from Judge Smails, which he may, or may not, split with Ty.  He also indicated he'd "make it worth his while" to Danny if he won.  So will he be willing to give Danny $32,000?  He is rich, and maybe the joy of publicly humiliating the Judge was prize enough.  Also, even if Al doesn't cover the $32,000, maybe Ty will pitch in and cover the rest, since he's also rich.  Danny is clearly having second thoughts about college in general, and St. Copious in particular, so it might not matter anyway.  But it does give a possibly negative spin to what looks like a happy ending.  Even if it all goes sour, Danny could probably go to a cheaper community college, or get student loans, so maybe all isn't lost even if he wants to go but can't afford it.  Or hell, maybe Danny goes on to become a pro golfer, and becomes rich on his own.

    

   

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Mortadella

      While shopping for lunch meat at the deli counter a month or two ago, my gaze happened to fall on something I was unfamiliar with--mortadella.  It sounded vaguely Italian, but I couldn't recall ever having it.  So I rectified this, and bought a small amount to sample.  Also, I thought that "mort" sometimes means "dead" in various languages, so I was hoping it was "death salami" or something.  More on that later.  The company that produced the mortadella that I tried was Citterio.

     My meat came from Freeland, Pennsylvania, or not very far away.  However, this is just the American factory, as the headquarters for Citterio are located in Italy.  Back in 1870 a man named Guiseppe Citterio, having just completed his training in Milan, opened a deli in the Italian town of Rho.  In 1878 he switched to a company that made and marketed meat, chiefly salami.  He clearly knew what he was doing, as his wares won a gold medal at the National Expo of Milan only 3 years later.  During World War II production was halted as the military took possession of the factory.  Fortunately, Citterio weathered this setback, and resumed making meats afterwards.  Oddly, throughout Citterio's early decades the company made most of its revenue from exporting to other countries.  But in the 1950's and beyond it established more of a presence in its native land.  In 1955 Citterio opened its own chemistry and microbiology laboratory in its facilities, which their website claims was the first one for a food company.  And in 1974 Citterio opened their first facility in the U.S., which as I mentioned before, is in Freeland.  Reportedly the fresh dry mountain air of that area was one of the reasons for the factory's location.  Other than mortadella, Citterio also makes various types of salami, sopressata (see my post on August 26th, 2023), prosciutto, capocolla/gabagool (see my post on December 9th, 2023), pancetta, bresaola, serrano, antipasto, ham, etc.

     By now you may be asking, but what is mortadella?  It's a type of Italian sausage.  It's known for its large size, and it's made from ground up pork, of which at least 15% must be cubed pork fat.  Traditional flavorings include black pepper, pistachio, or myrtle berries.  I couldn't discover an exact creation date, but there is a historical reference to something that sounds like mortadella from the year 1376 A.D.  So assuming that's correct, mortadella is very old.  We do know it's birthplace though, and that's the Italian city of Bologna.  The name "mortadella" is a bit of a mystery.  Historian Giancarlo Susini believes that it derives from the Latin word for "mortar," which is "mortarium," since the dish is often made using a mortar and pestle.  Historian Ovidio Montalbini thinks that it's from the word for myrtle sausage, "farcimen myrtatum," as the myrtle berry was one of the earlier flavoring agents for the meat.  (Pepper wasn't as widely available in Europe until much later.)  There are many variants of mortadella.  Some use different spices to flavor it, and some even use different kinds of meat.  For example, some folks flavor the sausage with garlic, or alchermes (which is a kind of liqueur that includes the bodies of tiny insects).  Others use chicken, or turkey, or beef, or even horse as the meat base.  Mortadella is particularly popular in Spain, Portugal, and most of South America.

Citterio mortadella:  The color was pinkish-brown, with visible pepper corns and white chunks (apparently the pork fat).  Mine came in round, thin slices.  I forgot to measure the diameter exactly, but they were big--easily 6 inches (about 15 cm.) in diameter.  Visually it reminded me of olive loaf, except for the lack of olives.  The texture was chewy, and a little greasy.  The taste reminded me of bologna rather than a typical sausage.  Some mild spiciness from the pepper.  It was alright.  Not great, but okay.  I've always found bologna kind of bland, and this was a bit better with its slight spice bite.  I had some plain, and then some on rolls with ranch dressing.  The latter way was better.  So I guess I would recommend this slightly, especially to those that like bologna.  But if you hate bologna I would stay away, since they're similar.

     As you just read above, I found mortadella to be very reminiscent of bologna.  Well, I feel a bit vindicated, as the typical bologna that we Americans eat is just a type of mortadella without the relatively high percentage of cubed pork fat.  And, the typical American olive loaf is essentially mortadella which has olives and pimentos in it.  So credit to my eyes and palate--they were accurate on this occasion.

  

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--An Artisanal Cheese Snack With a Naughty Name

      A couple of months ago, I was strolling through my local Shop-Rite grocery when something caught my eye.  A product called "Drinkin' Ballz," to be specific.  I think I chuckled a bit, and then after seeing exactly what it was, I decided to buy it.  More precisely, I got the bacon cheeseburger and pickle flavor of Drinkin' Ballz, a cheese ball snack from Sweet G's Bakery.

     I've often complained about official company websites which are lacking in certain information, and I'm going to do it again now.  Sweet G'as Bakery has one of the least detailed sites I've ever encountered, at least as it pertains to the company's history, and founder(s).  About all I could learn from it was what the company makes.  It sells a variety of hard pretzels, some snack mixes, some cookies, some wedding favors, and a few "skinny syrups."  Also, obviously, several different kinds of cheese balls, or "drinkin' ballz," utilizing ranch, cheddar cheese, taco flavoring, and even Chicago ghost flavor.  (I was hoping that this last one had the taste of spirits who had died in the Windy City, but the reality was less interesting.  It just contained ghost peppers.)  Moving on, Sweet G's is located in Pine Grove, Pennsylvania   And that's about it.  I don't even know when it started, or even who "Sweet G" is, other than it's presumably someone who has a name that starts with that letter.

     Therefore, I'll switch to a brief history of cheese balls.  Cheese balls, also known as cheese puffs, or cheese curls, date back to the 1930's.  There are two main origin stories.  First, a man named Edward Wilson reportedly noticed strings of puffed corn oozing out from a machine that made animal feed at the Flakall Corporation in Beloit, Wisconsin.  After some experimentation, in 1939 Clarence L. Schwebke applied for a patent for Korn Kurls.  In 1946 the Adams Corporation began marketing the Kurls as a snack.  Adams was founded by one of the founders of Flakall.  Later, Adams was bought out by Beatrice Foods.  The second tale comes from the state of Louisiana.  The Elmer Candy Corporation started making a type of cheese balls in 1936, which were given the brand name CheeWees.  Morel M. Elmer applied for and owned the trademark.  Unfortunately, when the company was sold in 1963 Elmer lost the rights to CheeWees.  However, the Elmer family reacquired the brand in 1993.  Whichever invention is correct, or even if both are, this snack is made by adding cheese, or at least cheese powder to puffed corn.  Some companies make the results into a round ball shape, and other craft them to look like short, fat, cylinders.  There are many popular versions sold around the world.  In the U.S. the top brands are Cheetos (made by Frito-Lay) and Cheez Doodles (Wise Foods).  Japan has Curl.  India makes Kurkure.  A South African kind goes by the name NikNaks.  Australia makes Twisties, and the U.K. has Wotsits.

Sweet G's Bakery, Drinkin' Ballz, bacon cheeseburger and pickle flavor:  These balls were round, clearly, and had a diameter of about .75 inches (or about 1.5 cm.).  They were orange, with greenish black flecks on them.  The taste was nice.  I could detect a pickle-y flavor, as well as notes of cheeseburger.  Crunchy and dry texture.  Overall they were a good example of the style.  And I would recommend them to those that like cheese curls/puffs/balls.  Like typical cheese balls, they were a little messy to eat--my fingertips were orange afterwards.  And these Sweet G's ones were rather expensive--I forget the exact price, but I think they were easily double or triple the cost of Cheez Doodles or Cheetos.  I'd be willing to try other flavors.  However, I haven't seen them at Shop-Rite again, so maybe they only had them on a short trial basis.

     Finally, I did a little checking on the word "balls" itself, as to when it became a slang term for "testicles."  Reportedly it has been so in the English language since at least the 14th century.  Its use in literature is more recent.  In 1903 William Ernest Henley used it in this way while describing author Robert Louis Stevenson.  And in the (in)famous erotica novel "Lady Chatterley's Lover," (1928), writer D.H. Lawrence also used "balls" in this context.  Some folks might claim that the good people at Sweet G's Bakery aren't referencing an obvious double entendre with their cheese snack names.  Call me overly cynical if you want, but I don't buy that for a second.  And yet I also support it.  Who says that branding always has to be in good taste?

 

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Two Turkish Tea Biscuits

      The cookie section of my local Shop-Rite came through again.  A couple of months ago I saw something new--Minuet tea biscuits from Turkey.  I quickly snapped up the two types available, which were their original plain ones, and the butter flavor kind.

     Minuet is a brand of the Imisk Group.  Imisk is a moderately old business, having started back in 1959.  A man named Ibraham Miskavi founded his company in the Turkish town of Mersin, and initially he traded citrus and cotton.  However, his business continued to expand, both in size and on the number of industries it was involved with.  By 1976 Miskavi's company had started transporting goods to the Middle East, and especially to Iraq.  In 1987 the company changed its (unspecified) name to Imisk.  Imisk is derived from the signature of Ibraham Miskavi, as well as the telegraphic address of the company in the 1960's. In 1989 Imisk expanded into the area formerly known as the Soviet Union.  And by 2016 the Dinamik Power Plant was started.  All told Imisk is involved with warehousing, heavy lift transportation equipment, terminals, port operations, construction materials, power plants, and foodstuffs.  It employs over 1500 people, and has offices in over 18 countries, including some in the Middle East, Africa, Central Asia, Europe, and the U.S.  Getting back to the Minuet brand, its products include biscuits, cream cookies, wafers, crackers, and cakes.

Minuet tea time biscuits, plain flavor:  These were rectangular in shape, about 2.25 inches (about 5.5 cm.) by 1.25 inches (about 3 cm.), with a yellow-brown color.  "Tea biscuit" is embossed on them, and the edges were scalloped, and some small holes were also punched in the biscuits.  They were a fairly typical tea biscuit.  Crunchy, and not very sweet.  Blandish.  Maybe a tad better than the average European biscuit, but only slightly.  Still a weak cookie/biscuit overall.

Minuet tea time biscuits, butter flavor:  Same size, shape, and color as the previous.  Also dry and crunchy.  And still weak.  Maybe slightly better than the plain kind, but still not enough.  Pretty boring.  I get that many consumers dip the biscuits into their tea or coffee, but given my disdain for hot beverages I wasn't about to do this.  So I didn't enjoy either of these, and wouldn't recommend them, unless you like really bland biscuits that don't taste like much.  Very disappointing as a dessert.

     If you're curious, a minuet was a social dance (for two people) most popular from about 1650-1750.  French in origin, it was also popular in England.  The origin of the name itself is cloudy, but some think it's related to the French word for "menu," which also meant "slender."  The dance steps for the minuet were small and neat, which were considered by some to be "slender."  But, you may be saying, this is all fine and good, but what does a French dance from over 250 years ago have to do with Turkish baked goods?  Which is a compelling question, and I can't provide a good answer.  I guess Imisk thought the minuet dance was considered stately and elegant, and they wanted people to associate their cookies and cakes and such with these attributes as well.

     Also, I was amused to see that a few of the Minuet cookies are named, "pinkos."  Which used to be a slur for someone considered to be a Communist sympathizer in the U.S. in the 1940's, 50's and 60's or so.  As in, you weren't a full on "Red," but you were somewhat soft on Communism, or "pink."  Granted, I doubt many people use the term "pinko" much anymore, and those that do are probably well into the 70's or older.  But still, I guess Imisk didn't realize the meaning of the word in the U.S.  Cultural differences can be tricky.  Finally, some of the products in the Minuet line are labeled as being, "Super Kosher."  Which again, kind of tickles me.  Isn't being kosher kind of like being pregnant--as in, something is, or is not?  Are there degrees of kosher-ness?  (Actually, I looked it up, and evidently there are different levels of kosher-ness.  Based on how strict a person's diet is, and other factors.  But as far as I could tell none of them are called "super," so I stand by my amusement about Minuet's labeling.)