Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Baby Food

      I went with something a little different this week.  Everybody reading this ate baby food when they were infants, obviously.  And the overwhelming majority of people probably had processed, jarred or canned baby food at least once, too.  But, in some ways it's like we didn't have it, since we don't have memories of it.  (Unless you're the rare person who was fed baby food when they were older, or you're  one of those odd folks who has memories before the age of 3 or so.)  There are other exceptions to this, of course--I'm guessing some parents occasionally try a bit of their child's food, or older children might have some of a younger sibling's dinner, or maybe poor unfortunates recuperating a broken jaw might put baby food on their limited menus.  Anyway, I thought it might be fun to revisit a type of food that I definitely used to eat regularly, but haven't had for over 45 years.  (Yes, I'm old.)  For the record, I tried to get some variety, so I got three companies' takes on it.  Specifically, the apple/wild blueberry and the apple/zucchini/peach selections from Gerber, the pear/mango/spinach one from HappyBaby, and the sweet potato kind from Beech-Nut.

     It can vary from baby to baby, clearly, but in general, most infants start on so called baby food around the ages of 4-6 months, and continue up until the age of around 2 years old.  The clues that a baby is ready for this change are a loss of tongue thrust, the ability to sit up on their own, and showing interest in other people's food.  Since infants have none to few teeth during this stretch, the food they can manage is necessarily very soft in texture (i.e. it can be "gummed"), and easy to digest.  Up until the 20th century parents just made baby food on their own, by thoroughly chopping up and blending regular foods.

     Let's start with the leader of the pack, at least in the U.S.  Gerber has a stranglehold on the processed baby food market, with a market share that's estimated at around 60-70%, and had a gross revenue of $235,000,000 in 2017.  Gerber started as the Fremont Canning Company, out of Fremont, Michigan, in 1901.  Founder Frank Daniel Gerber originally sold canned vegetables and fruits.  However, in 1927 the company began making processed baby food, and by 1943 Gerber stopped making food for adults.  They also changed their name to Gerber in 1941.  Other products sold include other baby-related items, such as pacifiers, formula, vitamin supplements, clothes, and toys.  And also, oddly, life insurance.  In 2007, Gerber was acquired by the Nestle Corporation.  Gerber did try one final foray into selling adult food, in a strange way, in 1974.  It was their Gerber Singles line, which consisted of baby food for adults, with flavors such as beef burgundy, Mediterranean vegetables, and blueberry delight, all blended up like typical infant fare.  Alas, this venture was a terrible failure.  Gerber is also renowned for its logo, of a cute-looking infant.  They kept this representation from 1927 up until 2011, when they started using new drawings every new year or so.  A kind of entertaining and harmless conspiracy theory formed about the identity of this original infant featured in the logo, with some people claiming the baby grew up to be someone famous.  Some of these rumored candidates were Humphrey Bogart, Elizabeth Taylor, Ernest Borgnine, Bob Dole, and Jane Seymour.  (I realize conspiracy theories are often absurd, but at least one of these candidates, Seymour, makes no sense, since she was born in 1951.  So how could she have been the model for a baby in 1927?  The other stars were either born before 1927, or, in the case of Taylor, a bit after, in 1932.)  Gerber (perhaps deliberately?) contributed to this mystery by not revealing the actual model until 1978.  It was Ann Turner Cook, who spent much of her life as a teacher, before gaining modest attention as a mystery writer.

     Beech-Nut is a distant second in the baby food game, but as a 15% market shareholder, they're still doing really well.  The company predates Gerber, starting back in 1891 as the Imperial Packing Company, out of Canajohairie, New York.  Brothers Raymond and Walther Lipe, along with John and David Zieley were the founders, and the company marketed mostly ham and bacon.  After only a year the Zieleys left, and Bartlett Arkell joined, and the firm became Beech-Nut in 1899.  They expanded into selling peanut butter, jam, ketchup, coffee, pasta, gum and candy.  And then baby food, starting in 1931, presumably after seeing how well Gerber had done with this product.  Beech-Nut has also been owned by Nestle over the years, but currently it's owned by the Swiss Hero Group.

     HappyBaby is a line of Happy Famly Organics.  The baby of this group of baby food makers, they've only been around since 2006, out of New York City.  As the full company name suggests, founder Shazi Visram was inspired to create a line of organic baby food.  Not shockingly, the company also is focused on avoiding artificial colors and flavors, and trying to use more environmentally friendly containers like pouches.  (Although they do also use the traditional glass jars, since that's what my sample came in.)  Currently Visram is the "Chairmom" of the Board, and Anne Laraway is the CEO and "Mom-in-Chief."  I can't decide whether or not I find these amended titles whimsically funny, or overly cutesy and annoying.

HappyBaby pear/mango/spinach flavor:  Came in a 4 ounce (113 gram) glass jar, as did all the others.  Was a yellowish-green color.  Texture was very soft and pureed, like apple sauce.  I detected the pear and mango flavors, but didn't taste the spinach.  Maybe that was intentional, to trick babies into eating spinach by covering up the taste with sweeter fruit flavors?  Overall it was okay, and I didn't have problems finishing it.  And, given that the portion was so small, for obvious reasons, even if it hadn't been palatable I probably still could have finished the jar easily.

Beech-Nut sweet potato flavor:  Same size jar, and was, not surprisingly, an orange color.  Had the same whipped up, apple sauce-like soft texture as the others.  And it tasted like minced sweet potato.  Which is a positive to me, since I like sweet potatoes.  It was more savory than sweet, though.

Gerber apple/zucchini/peach flavor:  Color was yellow, like apple sauce.  Taste was rather like slightly savory apple sauce.  So alright, but not great.  Like the HappyBaby one, maybe this was a way to get babies to eat their vegetables by covering up the taste with fruit flavors?

Gerber apple/wild blueberry flavor:  Had a purplish-red hue.  Tasted like apple sauce with a slight berry tartness zing.  And had the usual apple sauce like texture.  My favorite of the bunch.

     I should note that I could have tried some carrot flavored baby food, but I resisted, since I hate that particular miserable root.  Otherwise I tried to get a decent sampling, of both fruit and vegetables.  I also asked my mother about how I reacted to baby food as as actual baby.  She recalled that I liked peaches, pears, apricots, and sweet potatoes.  Reportedly I didn't seem to hate anything, but rather grudgingly tolerated vegetables like peas and string beans.  Sweet potato was added to these to make a combo that I would more readily accept.  So, none of the ones I tried as an adult were bad or anything, but I don't plan on buying baby food again, for what I hope are obvious reasons.  But it was kind of amusing to go back and re-consume some of the first food types I ever had.

  

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Peanut Butter & Jelly, in Liquor Form

      This was yet another in a long series of impulse buys while waiting in the checkout line at my local liquor store.  It fulfilled two important criteria for a potential blog post topic--one, it was sufficiently unusual and a bit strange, and two, it was relatively cheap.  I'm willing to spend a bit, say about $10 or so per food or drink item, but laying out the typical $20-30 minimum for a bottle of liquor is a little much.  Especially since I might not enjoy the new booze, and be stuck with it.  Anyway, the beverage in question was the PB & J pack from the 99 brand, which consisted of four 50 mL bottles--2 of peanut butter whiskey, and 1 each of grape liqueur and strawberry liqueur.  I recall the price was about $4.  And for those readers who aren't Americans, or up on our culinary culture, a peanut butter and jelly (or PB & J for short), refers to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which is a very common lunch for school children.

     Alas, the online info I could could find out about the purveyor of my potables was limited.  The 99 website (99brandparty.com) is just a list of their products, recipes, a where to buy section, a "contact us" page, and a "what's going on" page (spoiler alert, not much).  Almost all of the 99 liquors are flavored whiskeys, flavored vodkas, flavored schnapps, or flavored liqueurs, along with a tequila and brandy.  The featured flavors are mostly fruit based, like raspberry and lemon lime, but some are a bit more exotic, such as whipped cream, peppermint, and cinnamon.  The origin of the 99 brand is sketchy, but it's produced by the Polynesian Products Company.  Which is turn used to be owned by Barton Brands.  They were then bought out by Canadaigua Wine Co. (later renamed Constellation Brands), and then, in 2009, the Sazerac company.  Sazerac is a monster in the liquor game, being one of the two largest spirits companies in the U.S. with an estimated annual revenue of $1,000,000,000.  (Which was probably even more in 2020, with all the extra drinking done by folks sequestered in their homes more.)  Sazerac exports to 112 countries around the world, and owns over 300 brands.  The company started as a coffee bar back in 1850, but was purchased by Thomas H. Handy in 1869, who quickly abandoned the coffee for booze (although they do make a coffee-flavored booze, so there's that, I guess).

     I should probably reiterate that this blog topic was a stretch for me.  I don't enjoy whiskey in general.  About the only time I have liked it is when it's part of a mix, such as a whiskey sour, or the Irish Car Bomb.  (Apologies if this moniker is offensive--I realize it's at least somewhat controversial, but that's what the bars called this combo of Guinness, Bailey's Irish Cream, and Jameson's whisky.)  However, I have been pleasantly surprised by some edibles and drinkables that I thought I would hate before, so I gave this PB & J pack a fair trial, with an open palate.

99 Brand, peanut butter whiskey:  Had a yellowish-brown color, and a detectable peanut butter odor. Tried it by itself first.  The taste was....slightly better than regular whiskey, as it did taste a bit like peanut butter.  And was smoother than typical whiskies.  But this is damning with slight praise.  It was almost decent at best.

99 Brand, strawberry liqueur:  Was a clear hue, and also had a faint strawberry-like smell.  The taste was also reminiscent of strawberries, but not enough to make it good.  It was still pretty caustic and harsh.  Did not hide its alcohol content.

99 Brand, grape liqueur:  Also clear, and had the by now usual appropriate flavoring odor.  This one was like its strawberry sibling--very harsh, and overly strong.  The slight grape-y flavor was not enough to make this one tasty.

99 Brand, peanut butter whiskey and grape liqueur together:  As in, mixed together in the same shot glass, half and half.  Could still detect the separate flavors.  The peanut butter part did improve the overall taste, as it cut the grape flavor some.  But I still can't say I enjoyed it much.

99 Brand, peanut butter whiskey and strawberry liqueur together.  Very similar to the previous mixing.  Once again I could tell the different flavors apart.  This one was slightly better than the PB and Grape one, but only slightly.  Still overly harsh in total, and not very good.

In closing, then, I can't really recommend these, either by themselves or combined together.  Maybe if you're a huge whiskey and peanut butter fan, and like very strong, fruity-flavored liqueurs, I suppose.  I forgot to mention earlier, but the "99" part of the brand name also refers to the alcohol proof of their wares, so these were all 49.5% alcohol.  Obviously the average strength of a hard liquor is usually about 40%, so these are unusually potent.  So if nothing else, they do pack a punch.  Finally, the packaging of these drinks was probably the worst I've ever experienced.  The tiny bottles were extremely difficult to open--I had to use pliers to do so!  The metal caps would turn, but not come off.  So, about the kindest thing I can say about these is I appreciated the small, sample-size servings, so I wasn't required to purchase several large bottles of liquor to give them a try.  I might try other Polynesian Products/99 Brand liquor combos if they're also available in tiny bottles, but I'm not especially optimistic, after this rather negative first experience.

  

More Obscure NFL Records Trivia

      I haven't done a post about the NFL in a long while, so here we go.  I tried to pick out records that are truly off the beaten path, things that even avid football fans might not know.  Also, some of these are definite, and some of these might not be--more on that later.  Finally, a quick note about the quarterback rating.  It ranges from 0.0 to 158.3, and is based on completion percentage, touchdown percentage, interception percentage, and yards per attempt mostly, in a completed formula.  In the past 20 years or so, a rating below 80 is pretty bad, and around 100 or above is superior.  At the bottom, if someone threw every pass in the ground they'd have a rating of 39. 6, so anything below that is truly abysmal.  An asterisk (*) indicates players is active as of 2020.

1) By one metric, Lee Bouggess of my Philadelphia Eagles was the worst running back ever.  He holds the lowest yard per rushing attempt average ever, at 2.6 (for those with at least 200 rushing attempts).  He managed only 697 rushing yards on 271 carries, in his career from 1970-72.

2) In a similar vein, the record for the lowest yards per carry for a running back with over 500 rushing attempts is also held by a former Eagle, Michael Haddix (who also played for Green Bay Packers, in his career which stretched from 1983-90).  He totaled only 1635 yards on his 543 attempts, for an awful average of only 3.0 yards per attempt.  Since he was the 8th guy taken in the 1983 NFL draft, that makes his career even that much more disappointing.

3) The record for fewest rushing yards in an entire career is held by, not surprisingly, a quarterback.  Sid Luckman of the Chicago Bears rushed for negative 239 yards, on 204 attempts, in his career from 1939--50.  Obviously, though, Luckman was a phenomenal quarterback overall, an easy pick for the Hall of Fame, and also won NFL titles in 1940, 1941, 1943, and 1946.

4) Staying on quarterbacks, the record for most career passing attempts without throwing an incompletion is 6, held by the unknown Bill Donckers, in his brief stint with the St. Louis Cardinals from 1976-77.  (He passed for 54 yards, and accumulated a passer rating of 104.2.)

5) Mark Malone was a below average quarterback in his career from 1980-81, and 1983-89.  However, he holds the record for highest yards per reception average, with an incredible 90 yards per catch.  Obviously, this was on his one and only reception, and not shockingly he also scored a touchdown on the play.

6) Denver Bronco Kendall Hinton did something incredible only a few weeks ago--he started at quarterback, even though he was a practice squad wide receiver who had never played in a NFL game.  (He did play quarterback in college.)  This was because all of the Broncos quarterbacks were on quarantine for COVID-19, and poor Hinton got less than 24 hours notice, and about 4 hours of practice.  Understandably, he did horribly, going 1 for 9 passing, for 13 yards and 2 interceptions, for a rare 0.0 rating, and his team lost badly.  Barring the early days of the NFL, when the quarterback position was less defined, and "starting" quarterbacks sometimes played much less than the reserves, only one other non-quarterback has started a game at this position.  Tom Matte of the Baltimore Colts did it in the Colts' last game of 1965, when the starting and reserve quarterbacks got hurt.  He only attempted 2 passes (both incomplete), while rushing for 99 yards.  A real quarterback, Ed Brown, saw some action, too.  However, the Colts won the game.  And then started Matte at quarterback in their playoff game the following week.  This time Matte went 5-12, for 40 yards, with no touchdowns or interceptions (a 50.7 rating), but the Colts lost a close game, in overtime.

     Next I'd like to explore punters in a detailed way.  Specifically, records for rushing yards in a career, passing yards in a career, and touchdowns scored rushing and then passing.  Unfortunately, this was difficult to do.  I couldn't find an official or comprehensive list anywhere.  So I did what I could.  I looked at every punter's statistics who was in the Top 250 punters in number of punts in a career, and yards gained punting (which didn't add many different players).  As I discovered, this basically meant any guy who punted full time for a team for about 2 years and up.  I then wrote these down, and tabulated the results. Technically, of course, it's possible that some guy could have accumulated significant rushing or passing yards while only playing a very short career, but I feel it's very unlikely.  But please let me know if I've left someone out, and I'll update these lists.  Also, this list is a bit vague because in the early days of the NFL rosters were smaller, and there weren't full time punters--instead a quarterback, or running back, or lineman, etc. would do it.  And the reference site I looked at (www.profootballreference.com) alas does not separate rushing and passing stats gained as a punter and then other ways.  So guys like Danny White, or Steve Spurrier (who both punted and played quarterback) might really deserve to be on these lists, but I couldn't find out exactly.  Also, many of these yards for those on the lists were accumulated while running a fake field goal, as a holder.  Again, these aren't separated, so I'm including both.  Anyway, all that admitted, let's get to the lists.

Most rushing yards by a punter/holder in a career:

1)   168 Jeff Hayes Washington Redskins, Cincinnati Bengals, etc. 1982-87.  Also as far as I could tell, Hayes is one of only 2 punters to rush for a touchdown on a fake punt, rather than a field goal. (See #4)

2)   153 Yale Lary, Detroit Lions, 1952-64.  Also played defensive back, and was a Hall of Famer.

3)   146 Don Chandler, New York Giants, Green Bay Packers, 1956-67.

4)   139 Billy Atkins, San Francisco 49ers, Buffalo Bills, 1958-64. Also played defensive back and halfback, but as far as I can determine his rushing yards all came as a punter.  Only other punter to score a rushing touchdown on a fake punt, along with Hayes, as far as I could determine.

5)   126 Bobby Walden, Pittsburgh Steelers, Minnesota Vikings, 1964-77.

6)   95 Chuck Latourette, St. Louis Cardinals, 1967-71.  Also played defensive back. 

7)   91 John Teltschik, Philadelphia Eagles, 1986-89.

8)   85 Tommy Davis, San Francisco 49ers, 1959-69.

9)   69 Greg Coleman, Minnesota Vikings, Cleveland, etc., 1977-88.

10) 68 Reggie Hodges, Cleveland Browns, New York Jets, etc., 2005, 2008-10, 2012.

Most passing yards in a career, punter/holder

1)   184 Johnny Hekker,* St. Louis/Los Angeles Rams, 2012-20.

2)   131 Bob Parsons, Chicago Bears, 1972-83. Also played some tight end, but as far as I can tell all his passing yards came as a punter/holder.

3)   129 David Beverly, Green Bay Packers, Houston Oilers, 1974-80.

4)   128 Chris Mohr, Buffalo Bills, Atlanta Falcons, etc., 1989-2004.

5)   106 Dave Green, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Cincinnati Bengals, etc., 1973-78.

6)   103 Bobby Joe Green, Chicago Bears, Pittsburgh Steelers, 1960-73.

7)   102 Ron Widby, Dallas Cowboys, Green Bay Packers, 1968-73

8)    96 Herman Weaver, Detroit Lions, Seattle Seahawks, 1970-80.

9)    94 Mark Royals, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Pittsburgh Steelers, etc., 1987-2003

9)    94 Brad Maynard, New York Giants, Chicago Bears, etc., 1997-2011.

This list will be very short.  Only one punter/holder has rushed for 2 touchdowns.  That was Hunter Smith, of the Indianapolis Colts and Washington Redskins, 1999-2010.

And another short list.  These 3 punter/holders are the only ones to pass for 2 touchdowns.

1) Brad Maynard, New York Giants, Chicago Bears, etc., 1997-2011.

2) Brian Moorman, Buffalo Bills, Dallas Cowboys, 2001-13.

3) Lee Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals, Houston Oilers, etc., 1985-2002.

The list for longest single rush by a punter is as follows:

1)  68 Reggie Hodges, Cleveland Browns, New York Jets, etc., 2005, 2008-10, 2012.

2)  63 Tom Wittum, San Francisco 49ers, 1973-77.

3)  61 Jeff Hayes, Washington Redskins, Cincinnati Bengals, etc., 1982-87.

And the longest pass for a punter ever was 81 yards, for a touchdown, by Josh Miller of the Pittsburgh Steelers, New England Patriots, etc., 1996-2007.

One of my favorite plays is when some gigantic lineman or linebacker lines up an an eligible tackle and then catches a pass, which is almost always within a few yards of the end zone.  Well, here is a list of the guys who caught the most touchdowns doing this.

1)   10  Mike Vrabel, Pittsburgh Steelers, New England Patriots, etc., 1997-2010.  As I mentioned in another post, Vrabel also did it twice in Super Bowls.  Played linebacker.

2)   4   Anthony Munoz, Cincinnati Bengals, 1980-92.  Hall of Famer at tackle, too.

2)   4   Joe Valerio, Kansas City Chiefs, St. Louis Rams, 1992-96. Played center.

3)   3   J.J. Watt*, Houston Texans 2012-20. Plays defensive end.

3)   3   Jim Flanigan, Chicago Bears, Green Bay Packers, etc., 1994-2003.  Played defensive tackle.

Okay, now we're moving to passing records for non-quarterbacks.  Some historians credit guys like Tony Canadeo, Bob Gage, and Joe Geri in these lists, but I don't think they should count, since they played in the single wing offense where the quarterback was more of a blocker, and any one of 4 guys could receive the snap and pass the ball.  So, long story short, they were kind of quarterbacks, even if that wasn't their official position.  Most of these players were running backs, but some were wide receivers/ends/flankers.  As before an asterisk (*) indicates they are active as of 2020.

Most career passing yards for a non-quarterback:

1)    854  Tom Tracy, Detroit Lions, Pittsburgh Steelers, 1956-64.

2)    823  Frank Gifford, New York Giants, 1952-60, 1962-64. Hall of Famer.

3)    759  John David Crow, Chicago/St. Louis Cardinals, San Francisco 49ers, 1958-68.

4)    427  Dick Hoak, Pittsburgh Steelers, 1961-70.

5)    383  Tom Moore, Green Bay Packers, Los Angeles Rams, etc., 1960-67.

6)    370  Dan Reeves, Dallas Cowboys, 1965-72.

7)    331  Walter Payton, Chicago Bears, 1975-87.

8)    326  Paul Lowe, San Diego Chargers, Kansas City Chiefs, 1960-69.

9)    323  Antwaan Randle El, Pittsburgh Steelers, Washington Redskins, 2002-10.

10)  282  Marcus Allen, Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs, 1982-97.  Hall of Famer.

11)  248  Gene Foster, San Diego Chargers, 1965-70.

12)  240  Keith Lincoln, San Diego Chargers, Buffalo Bills, 1961-68.

13)  233  Billy Ray Barnes, Philadelphia Eagles, Washington Redskins, 1957-66.

13)  233  Mohamed Sanu *, Cincinnati Bengals, Atlanta Falcons, etc., 2012-20.

15)  204  Calvin Hill, Dallas Cowboys, Cleveland Browns, etc., 1969-74, 1975-81.

16)  200 Gene Mingo, Denver Broncos, Oakland Raiders, etc., 1960-70.

Now let's see which non-quarterbacks threw for the most touchdown passes in a career:

1)    14  Frank Gifford, New York Giants, 1952-60, 1962-64. (Hall of Famer).

2)     8   Walter Payton, Chicago Bears, 1975-87.

3)     7   LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers, New York Jets, 2001-11.

4)     6   Antwaan Randle El, Pittsburgh Steelers, Washington Redskins, 2002-10.

4)     6   Greg Pruitt, Cleveland Browns, Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders, 1973-84.

4)     6   Marcus Allen, Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs, 1982-97. (HOF)

4)     6   Keith Byars, Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins, etc., 1986-98.

4)     6   Tom Tracy, Detroit Lions, Pittsburgh Steelers, 1956-64.

9)     5   Tom Moore, Green Bay Packers, Los Angeles Rams, etc., 1960-67.

9)     5   John David Crow, Chicago/St. Louis Cardinals, San Francisco 49ers, 1958-68.

9)     5   Keith Lincoln, San Diego Chargers, Buffalo Bills, 1961-68.

12)   4   Billy Ray Barnes, Philadelphia Eagles, Washington Redskins, etc., 1957-66.

12)   4   Willard Harrell, Green Bay Packers, St. Louis Cardinals, 1975-84.

12)   4   Dalton Hilliard, New Orleans Saints, 1986-93.

12)   4   Dick Hoak, Pittsburgh Steelers, 1961-70

12)   4   Andy Johnson, New England Patriots, 1974-82.

12)   4   Hank Lauricella, Dallas Texans, 1952.

12)   4   Dave Meggett, New York Giants, New England Patriots, 1989-98.

12)   4   Chuck Muncie, New Orleans Saints, San Diego Chargers, 1976-84.

12)   4   Mohamed Sanu *, Cincinnati Bengals, Atlanta Falcons, etc., 2012-20.

Finally, I'll wrap this up with a little about guys with the shortest of NFL careers, only playing in 1 game.  Clearly, the overwhelming amount of these players didn't do anything significant.  But occasionally they do, either good or bad.  I'm not including some guys who were replacement players during the 1987 strike games, since I don't consider those to be legitimate.  Here are some of the more interesting 1 gamers:

1) Ed Baker saw action at quarterback in a single game with the Houston Oilers back in 1972.  And it went poorly.  He complete 4 of 10 passes (40%), for only 47 yards, no touchdowns, and 4 interceptions, for an atrocious passer rating of 15.4.

2) Tom O"Malley, of the 1950 Green Bay Packers, arguably had the worst game ever for a quarterback.  He completed 4 of 15 passes (26.7%), for 31 yards, 0 touchdowns, and an astonishing 6 interceptions.  He thus achieved the nadir rating of 0.0.  Also, he rushed one time, for -9 yards.

3) Kerwin Bell was the anti-Tom O"Malley, if you will.  In his only game ever, with the Indianapolis Colts in 1996, he completed 5 out of 5 passes, for 75 yards, a touchdown, and no interceptions.  So he garnered the perfect 158.3 rating.

4) Connor Cook had a bizarre career with the Oakland Raiders in 2016.  His only regular season appearance ever was a game where he completed 14 of 21 passes (66.7%), for 150 yards, 1 touchdown, and 1 interception, for a decent 83.4 rating.  His only start ever was in the following game, a playoff game.  In that one he regressed, only completing 18 of 45 passes (40%), for 161 yards, 1 touchdown, and 3 interceptions (a terrible 30.0 rating).  And his team lost.  Granted, it wasn't that long ago, so Cook might possibly play again, but as of now his career was brief but memorable.

5) Charlie McBride's only game was with the 1936 Chicago Cardinals, at blocking back.  He rushed for 1 yard on 2 rushes, but then caught a pass for 38 yards and a touchdown.

6) Similarly, Randy Burks of the 1976 Chicago Bears also caught a single pass, for 55 yards and a touchdown, in his only game at wide receiver.

7) Eric McCoo didn't score, but he had an unusually productive single game career with the Philadelphia Eagles in 2004.  The running back rushed for 54 yards on 9 carries, and caught 2 passes for 15 yards.

8) Another Philadelphia Eagle, Dan Barnhart, played in 1 game for them in 1934 at tailback.  And he completed 1 pass out of 1 attempt for 4 yards and a touchdown, on a tackle eligible play.

9) Running back Wes Hills of the 2019 Detroit Lions is the only guy I could find who scored 2 touchdowns in a single game career.  But it was negative in some ways.  He rushed for only 21 yards on 10 carries, with 2 rushing touchdowns.  He also caught 2 passes for only 1 yard.  Granted, he's still only 25 years old as of now, so he might play more games, but if not he had another weird career.

10) Bill Slyker scored the only touchdown scored by his whole team in their entire season in his one and only NFL game.  Some background--he played for the 1922 Evansville Crimson Giants, who only competed in 8 total games from 1921-22.  In 1922 they only played 3 games before going out of business.  Anyway, the details are lacking, but Slyker caught his touchdown, of unknown yardage, from a unnoted passer.

And one final tidbit, the smallest NFL player ever appears to be Jack "Soapy" Shapiro of the 1929 Staten Island Stapletons.  He was listed as being 5 foot, 1 inch tall, and he weighed only 119 pounds!

 

Underrated Horror Movie Gems--"Phenomena" (aka "Creepers")

      Even a moderately intense horror film aficionado should be familiar with Dario Argento, the Italian writer and director who's been at it since the 1960's.  Even casual horror fans probably know of his work at least indirectly, since he had one of his films, "Suspiria," recently remade in 2018.  However, today I'd like to discuss one of his more obscure offerings, 1985's "Phenomena."  It's not one of his best, but I believe it hasn't gotten the credit it deserves.  As usual, I'll start with a brief, spoiler-free synopsis, then a long, spoiler-rich recap, and follow this with a discussion of some of the film's strengths and themes, and conclude with some cast and crew information.  My recap, and general discussion, will be about the longest, 116 minute European cut of the movie.  The U.S. version, called "Creepers," was about 30 minutes shorter.

     An unseen and possibly monstrous killer is plying his or her trade in Switzerland.  Shortly after, young American Jennifer Corvino begins a term at a boarding school in the same area.  Strange and disturbing things start to happen.  Jennifer is plagued by nightmarish visions, and bouts of sleepwalking.  The killer continues to eliminate girls, including a friend of Jennifer's.  Only a friendly entomologist, Professor John McGregor, offers Jennifer any friendship and help.  Who (or what) is behind the brutal slayings?  And will they claim Jennifer as their next victim?

    (SPOILERS AHEAD UNTIL MARKED)  "Phenomena" opens in a beautiful, but isolated alpine scene in Switzerland.  A girl misses her tour bus, and goes to a nearby house for help.  However, a mysterious figure breaks its chains and attacks her.  After a brief chase the young woman is murdered, and her decapitated head falls into a river.

     Next we see a chimpanzee walking into a house.  She's a "helper ape"/quasi-nurse for the wheelchair-bound entomologist Professor John McGregor, and she's named Inga.  McGregor is talking with a couple of policemen, including Inspector Geiger, about an unsolved murder case.  The life cycles of the maggots consuming the head of Vera Brandt, the victim from the opening scene, indicate that it's been 8 months since the killing.  The scene then cuts to a limo with Jennifer Corvino in it, along with a school employee, Frau Bruckner.  Jennifer is starting a term at the Swiss boarding school, the Richard Wagner International School.  Her father is the famous actor Paul Corvino, who will be unreachable because he's on a year long project in the Philippines.  The audience learns that Jennifer loves insects, and the feeling appears mutual.  At the school she meets her roommate, Sophie.  Sophie is a huge fan of Paul Corvino, and as such knows much about Jennifer's family situation.  Such as how Jennifer's mother left the family to marry another man in India.  Sophie also tells Jennifer about the murderer loose in the area.  That very night, Jennifer has nightmares, and then sleepwalks outside.  She witnesses a brutal slaying on the top floor of the school, and then she falls off the crumbling roof into some bushes below.  Still in her trance-like state, she wanders into town, and is hit by a car.  The boys inside get her into the car, but she panics and jumps out, and rolls down a wooded hill.  She snaps out of her sleepwalking, and meets a chimpanzee.  The friendly ape is Inga, and she takes Jennifer back to her house to meet John McGregor.  McGregor is pleased to discover that Jennifer shares his love of insects, although he's puzzled that they seem to love her back.

     Back at the school the headmistress is upset about Jennifer's sleepwalking, and has the on site doctor perform an EEG on her.  They're concerned that Jennifer might be developing schizophrenia.  Jennifer cuts the session short when the EEG causes her to remember some of the disturbing details of the previous night.  She attempts to call her father's agent/lawyer Morris Shapiro, but he's out of town.  That night,  Jennifer asks Sophie to keep an eye on her, to stop her from sleepwalking again.  But, Sophie leaves the room after her boyfriend signals her from outside.  After a quick make out session Sophie's boyfriend departs.  Right after, Sophie is slaughtered, by a killer wielding the same blade on a pole as the previous murder.  Jennifer hears Sophie's death scream, and goes outside.  A firefly leads her to a glove hidden in some brush.  The next day, at McGregor's, he examines the maggots found on the glove, and speculates that the glove may belong to the killer.  When Jennifer mentions her ability to communicate with insects McGregor is supportive, and points out that ESP is common amongst insects.

     Back at school Jennifer's classmates bully and taunt her.  Jennifer summons a giant cloud of flies, which mass outside the school's windows.  Jennifer then collapses into a coma-like state.  Upon waking she overhears the schoolmistress saying that Jennifer will be taken to a mental hospital, and that she might be evil, a "Lord of the flies" devil-like woman.  Jennifer manages to slip out of the school before the hospital attendants arrive, and she goes to McGregor's.  He's studied the glove maggots, and identified them as a species that only feeds on human bodies.  He sends Jennifer out on the same bus route that Vera took, accompanied by one of the corpse flies.  When it reacts strongly she gets off the bus, and quickly is led to the original death house, which is now empty.  The estate agent accosts her, so she flees.  Then the agent is questioned by Inspector Geiger, and the policeman learns that the house has been empty for 8 months.

     Inga is distracted outside, and someone enters McGregor's house and locks the door.  McGregor is then viciously slain, by a black clad killer wielding the same blade on a pole.  Inga attempts to follow the killer, but she eventually falls off the roof of the killer's car.  After a visit to the local mental hospital, Geiger discovers an incident that took place 15 years before, an attack by an patient.  Jennifer gets through to Shapiro on the phone, and begs for money for a plane ticket home.  Shapiro is concerned, and he calls the school.  They send Frau Bruckner to the bank.  She explains that a ticket was bought, but it doesn't leave until the next day.  Because Jennifer doesn't want to return to the school, Bruckner offers to let her spend the night at her house.

    At her house Bruckner starts to act strangely.  She tells about her sick son, who's so sensitive about his appearance that all the mirrors are covered.  She pushes Jennifer to take some pills, for an alleged fever.  When a pill makes her feel sick, Jennifer deliberately pukes it up, and she also notices corpse maggots in the bathroom.  When she attempts to call Shapiro again Bruckner grows agitated.  A scuffle ensues, during which time Jennifer is briefly knocked out, and then securely locked in the house, and the phone put in another room.  Bruckner does this just as Jennifer starts to call for help, and Geiger has just arrived at the house.  Jennifer manages to get to the phone, but accidently drops it down a weird tunnel in the floor.  Climbing down, Jennifer finds out that Geiger was attacked by Bruckner, and is now chained to a wall in a dungeon-like room.  Jennifer falls into a pit filled with rotting corpses and tons of maggots.  Shapiro arrives at the house, but Bruckner sends him away with a lie.  Bruckner then confronts her two prisoners in the basement room.  Geiger manages to slip out of his chains and subdue Bruckner, while Jennifer gets out of the pit and flees.  She hears Bruckner's son crying, but she recoils when he turns around and reveals that he's a monstrously deformed.  Jennifer makes it outside, and she heads for a boat by the dock.  The deformed child attacks her, but he is attacked and partially consumed by a cloud of flies that Jennifer has summoned.  As the boat catches fire, Jennifer swims underwater, and evades the grip of the dying child.  At the shore she's delighted to see Shapiro approaching.  But Bruckner decapitates him with a metal sheet, and starts to do the same to Jennifer.  At the last moment Inga appears and slices up Bruckner with a blade.  Inga and Jennifer then embrace.

     "Phenomena" doesn't just have one or two common horror movie tropes--it has practically all of them.  Unseen, mysterious killers who preys mainly on nubile women?  Check.  Creepy boarding school?  Check.  Hideously deformed child?  Check.  Domineering and crazy mother?  Check.  Psychic link/dream connection with the killer?  Check.  Torture Dungeon?  Check.  Even the more rare one, a knife-wielding, non-human primate!  Sometimes this would be a mess, laughable.  But here it somehow works.  Yes, it's ludicrous, and consistently over-the-top, but somehow it creates a zesty horror stew, so to speak.

    One of the major themes in "Phenomena" is isolation, both physical and social.  Jennifer is uprooted from her home, and taken to live in a foreign country.  In an remote, underpopulated area.  Where she knows no one.  Her father is completely unavailable, even by phone.  Her family lawyer is also on another continent for most of the movie, and inconsistently available by phone.  The headmistress of her school is quickly convinced that Jennifer is crazy, and perhaps even Satanically evil, and seeks to have her committed.  Her classmates, save one, are openly mocking and hateful.  The police seem ethical, but they are always a step behind the killer(s).  And the few friends that Jennifer does make along the way don't last long.  Sophie is murdered on Jennifer's second night in Switzerland.  McGregor is killed shortly afterward.  Shapiro is absent until the very end of the movie, and is slaughtered seconds after meeting up with Jennifer.  The only friend who's there for her, offering her love and support, and who is alive at the movie's conclusion is the chimpanzee!  (And insects in general, I suppose!)  Which makes me wonder how Jennifer will respond to this situation.  Will she avoid close relationships, since people always get killed or abandon her?  Or will she go the other way, and be clingy, constantly want people around her?

     Another theme about the film that struck me was the way it examined parenting styles.  Jennifer clearly suffers from "under-parenting," if that's an expression.  Her mother is awful.  Divorces are unfortunately common, and sometimes the non-custodial parent moves far away, but any decent one would still try to be a part of their child's life, even if it's by letter or phone (or in modern days, Skype, social media, etc.).  But Jennifer's mother has completely abandoned her.  And her father isn't really that much better.  We're told he's a big movie star.  Which suggests that he probably has a decent pick of the roles he takes.  Surely he could choose projects that don't last a year at a time, or, at least, he could avoid working on jobs that are so remote that phone calls are impossible.  It's no wonder that Jennifer develops kind of a father-daughter bond with McGregor.  He's nice, and supportive, and he's THERE.  Conversely, Frau Bruckner shows the other extreme, ridiculous over-parenting.  It's admirable that she can still love her son despite the circumstances of his conception (it's a little vague, but heavily implied that a mental patient raped her).  And despite him being profoundly deformed.  But she clearly takes it way too far.  No decent person would ever tolerate a child's penchant for committing brutal murders.  She even goes so far as to commit her own murders, to cover up her son's killings.  Both these families need to hit that happy medium--love your kids, support them, be there for them, but call the police if they're psychotic and violent!

     Dario Argento, like his fellow Italian movie director Lucio Fulci (see my post about "The City of the Living Dead on May 25, 2019), seems to have a thing about worms, and maggots.  In "Phenomena" he takes it to extremes.  There are numerous shorter scenes early on which feature a small number of maggots.  But near the end it gets nuts, as Jennifer literally falls into a pit of them, along with rotting corpses.  So if you're afraid of, and/or repulsed by maggots, then this movie is going to be tough to get through.  And if you're into maggots, well, this is practically larva porn.

     Two things are a little strange, and innovative, about the main killer in "Phenomena."  (Here I mean Frau Bruckner's (unnamed) son, not Bruckner herself--her kills, while illegal and immoral, are logical, since she's trying to cover up her son's murders.)  One is the killer's age.  Given the reported timeline of the attack on his mother, he's 14 or 15.  There are some exceptions, like Michael Myers in the first "Halloween" movie, or Jason Voorhees in the first "Friday the 13th" (although his attack appears to be a dream), but usually killers are at least old enough to legally drink in the U.S. (age 21).  The other point is mentioned in passing, but it's still there:  McGregor says that the particular type of warm wind the region is currently experiencing, which comes down from the mountains, can cause madness.  Clearly this isn't the whole answer for the murders, since the whole community isn't busy bumping each other off.  But maybe we're supposed to think that the wind is the final straw for people who are on the brink of psychotic killings.  Maybe if Frau Bruckner had moved to the seashore her son wouldn't have started hacking up coeds.  (Probably not true, but it's fun to speculate.)

     I do have some nitpicky plot holes to report.  First off, communication between insects is amazing, but there's no evidence that they have telepathy or ESP.  A lot of this communication is by chemical pheromones.  And honeybees do marvelous, intricate dances to tell their peers how to find certain flowers and such.  Secondly, Jennifer doesn't take advantage of her relationships with insects enough.  For example, when she's initially trapped in Bruckner's house, why not call in her bug buddies?  They could have found a way into the house, surely, and then she could have had them attack Bruckner straight away.  Or, why not use them to attack Bruckner at the end, when Jennifer is seconds away from losing her head?  Bruckner even taunts her about that very point.  Hell, some of those flies were probably still hovering over the lake, finished eating the face off of Bruckner's son.  (And yes, I realize that the real reason is that it would have ended the movie too quickly and easily, but I mean within the logic and reality of the movie's world.)  All I'm saying is, if insects did my bidding, and a killer was lurking about, I'd at least keep some bees in my pocket or something, to deter any would-be attackers, and I wouldn't hesitate to call on them if I was in real danger.  Or maybe I'd use millions of them to bring me pizza and beer, kind of like Homer did with the group of crows in that episode of "The Simpsons."  Jennifer shouldn't waste her gifts!

     The music in "Phenomena" is a bit polarizing.  Argento used a lot of heavy metal songs, including some from Iron Maiden and Motorhead.  Some people found this heavy-handed and it took them out of the film.  I found it jarring and disturbing, and I felt it aided the tone of the film in that way.

(END OF SPOILERS, SAFE FOR ALL READERS)  As I've mentioned throughout this post, Dario Argento has had a long film career.  He started out as a writer, with his most notable effort being a co-writer for the story behind "Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968).  For almost all of his directing projects he also served as writer or co-writer.  Much of his directing output has been in the giallo category, which is an Italian style of murder mystery, categorized by an emphasis on the killings rather than the investigation, usually committed by black gloved, unseen murderers, and doing so in grotesque, gory ways.  His directorial debut was 1970's "The Bird with the Crystal Plumage," followed by films like "The Cat o' Nine Tails" (1971), "Four Flies on Grey Velvet" (1972), "Deep Red" (1975), "Suspiria" (1977), "Inferno" (1980), "Tenebrae" (1982), "Opera" (1987), and "Mother of Tears" (2007).  He also co-wrote and produced "Demons" (1985) and "Demons 2" (1986).  He's been busy well into the 21st century, but alas, most or all of these are not very respected, or successful.  I haven't seen most of these, so I can't comment, but even his fans regard his 1970's and maybe 1980's movies to be his best.

     As for the cast of "Phenomena," Jennifer Corvino portrayer Jennifer Connelly is one of the rare child actors who both continued to have a successful and respected acting career as an adult, and didn't succumb to poverty and addictions.  Some of her career highlights include roles in such films as "Once Upon a Time in America" (1984), "Labyrinth" (1986), "Mulholland Falls" (1996), "Dark City" (1998), "Requiem for a Dream" (1999), "A Beautiful Mind" (2001, for which she won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress), "Blood Diamond" (2006), and the upcoming "Top Gun: Maverick" (2021).  Frau Bruckner was played by Daria Nicoladi, who was Argento's girlfriend for years, and who sadly just passed away recently.  Among her credits were roles in "Deep Red" (1975), "Shock" (1977), "Inferno" (1980), "Tenebrae" (1982), "The Sect" (1991), "Rosa and Cornelia" (2000), and "Mother of Tears" (2007).  She also co-wrote "Suspiria" (1977), "Inferno" (1980), "Paganini Horror" (1989) and "The Black Cat" (1989).  Patrick Bauchau (Inspector Geiger), was also in "Enigma" (1982), "Choose Me" (1984), "A View to a Kill" (1985), "Australia" (1989), "Clear and Present Danger" (1994), "Get the Gringo" (2012) and "Mega Shark vs. Kolossus" (2015).  Professor John McGregor was played by Donald Pleasence, who was in such movies as "1984" (1956), "The Great Escape" (1963), "Fantastic Voyage" (1966), "You Only Live Twice" (1967), "Death Line" (1972), "Halloween" (1978), "All Quiet on the Western Front" (1979), "Halloween II" (1981), "Escape from New York" (1981), "Prince of Darkness" (1987) and "Halloween 4:  The Return of Michael Myers" (1988) (plus two other "Halloween" movies).  Finally, Michael Soavi had a small role as Inspector Geiger's assistant police officer.  Soavi acted in such movies as "City of the Living Dead" (1980, and again, see my post on May 25, 2019), "Alien Terror" (1980), "The New York Ripper" (1982), and "Demons" (1986).  He also was an assistant/2nd unit  director for films like "Tenebrae" (1982), "A Blade in the Dark" (1983), "Demons" (1986), "Opera" (1987), and "The Brothers Grimm" (2005).  And then he directed such projects as "Stage Fright" (1987), "The Church" (1989), "The Sect" (1991) "Cemetery Man" (1994), "Blood of the Losers" (2008), and "The Legend of the Christmas Witch" (2018).

     Therefore, if you want to see a ridiculous, yet still intense and fun horror flick, you could do a lot worse than "Phenomena."  And then if you haven't already, check out Argento's masterpieces, like "Suspira" (1977) and "Deep Red" (1975), and beyond.