The 11 Worst Movies Ever

      For the past few years, when I've discussed movies they've all been ones I at least liked, if not loved.  Let's flip that around today, and talk about films I actively despise.  So I've thought about it, and I'm going to present my least favorite movies ever.  Movies that I, to paraphrase a famous Roger Ebert quote, "HATED, HATED, HATED."  Sometimes so much that I couldn't finish them.  (Although, I'm being fair--I'm not cheating and including films I only saw a few minutes of.  To be on this list I had to see a fair chunk of it-- at least a third to a half of it.)  As you'll see, there is a mix on my list.  Some of these choices practically no one enjoyed, others are considered mediocre, and some are even regarded as being very good or excellent by most viewers.  In other words, the average reader will surely disagree with some of my picks, perhaps strongly.  But I'm not being click bait-y here--these are my honest opinions.  And I'll explain why I hated each one.  So even if you disagree, you'll know why I feel the way I do.  Anyway, let's get to it.  These aren't in any particular order.  For each one I'll include their release date, and their ratings on both the Internet Movie Data Base (IMDB), and Rotten Tomatoes (RT) (Both critics' ratings and general audiences', in that order), as well as some info about their cast and/or crew.  IMDB rates movies on a scale of 1-10, and RT rates them as a percentage, and for both the higher the better.  And some SPOILERS included.

1)  Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966).  IMDB raring of 1.6, RT rating of 0%/20%.  The story behind this movie is pretty interesting.  Fertilizer/insurance seller Harold P. Warren met Academy Award winning screenwriter Stirling Silliphant, and bet him that anyone could make a movie.  So he did, on an estimated budget of $19,000, which even in the mid 1960's was miniscule.  The resulting film was barely released, and achieved little to no critical attention.  Decades later it was popularized by Mystery Science Theater 3000, and enjoyed a cult revival, as a so-bad-it's-good movie.  Alas, in my opinion, it doesn't qualify as this.  It's not stupid fun like "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (1959), "Battlefield Earth" (2000), "Troll 2" (1990), "Death Bed: The Bed That Eats" (1977), etc.  It's mostly just ploddingly dull.  A family drives around in the country and ends up at a house run by a sinister cult leader, who has a bizarre henchman and a harem of women.  And nothing much of anything happens.  No action, no gore, no sleaze.  Inept acting, writing, directing, camera work, etc.  There are a few laughs had at how terrible it is, but not enough.  It's only 70 minutes long, but it seems much longer.  Reportedly, the only "profit" for the movie was the young actress who played the little girl (Jackey Neyman-Jones) got a free bike, and her family received 50 free pounds of dog food!

2)  Meet the Spartans (2008).  IMDB rating of 2.8, RT ratings of 2%/25%.  Grossed $84,600,000 on a budget of $30,000,000.  Writer/Directors Aaron Seltzer and Jason Frieberg are the creators behind a slew of "parody" movies--"Date Movie" (2006), "Epic Movie" (2007), "Disaster Movie" (2008), "Vampires Suck" (2010), etc.  Most of which, inexplicably, made large profits at the box office.  Most critics savage all of these, as well as many moviegoers.  I had only heard universally bad things about these movies, but I decided to give this one a chance when it was on cable television.  (I didn't directly pay for it, fortunately.)  The critics were spot on.  This was a miserable experience to sit through.  As many have noted, classic parodies like those made by Mel Brooks, The Zucker Brothers, and the British comedy team of Simon Pegg/Edgar Wright/Nick Frost satirize a movie, or genre type with intelligence and humor.  Meet the Spartans, though, and by all accounts their other offerings, just reference other movies.  No sly takes on the story, they just have characters and sets that recreate the original movie(s), but they don't make a joke, or attempt to comment on it.  Instead, they just say some profanity, or do something disgusting, or fart or something.  That's all this movie was.  Incredibly lazy--the lowest hanging "comedic" fruit.  At one point, a character looking like mentally distressed Britney Spears is kicked into a well, while she's wearing a t-shirt that reads "Little Miss Sunshine."  That's the extent of the joke, it acknowledges that this movie exists.  That's the type of "cleverness" in this pile of refuse.  Its creators truly are a cancer to the film industry.  When something's quality is even beneath Kevin Sorbo and Carmen Electra's self-respect and "talent," you know it's bad.

3)  Jumping Jack Flash (1986).  IMDB of 5.9, RT ratings of 27%/58%.  Grossed 29.8 million on an 18 million budget.  When my family first got a VCR in 1986 it was almost magic to me.  I could watch any movie I wanted, whenever I wanted.  No more having to go to the theaters, or having to watch edited versions on TV when they chose to schedule it.  So I loved renting movies.  But, there was a catch--they cost a bit of money, usually $2-$3 or so.  Which sounds cheap, but when you're in high school, making $3 am hour, it's more significant.  My point is, no matter how terrible a rented movie was, I almost always gritted my teeth and finished it.  Not this one.  I should mention, I'm not a fan of Whoopi Goldberg in general.  I find her incredibly annoying in nearly everything she does.  With one exception--1990's "Ghost" was a good performance.  (She was annoying in that, but her character was supposed to be, so it worked.)  But JJF was too much.  I forget the plot, mercifully, but I clearly recall my rage at trying to endure this.  I think I made it about halfway through before realizing no amount of money was worth this.

4)  The Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977).  IMDB score of 3.8, RT's of 10%/13%.  Grossed 30.7 million on a 14 million dollar budget.  I'm a huge horror fan, clearly, and "The Exorcist" as I've covered before (see my March 5, 2022 post), is one of my very favorite films.  So I reacted to seeing the sequel with interest.  Linda Blair and Max von Sydow were back, and joining them this time were quality actors like James Earl Jones, Richard Burton, and Louise Fletcher.  Director John Boorman has made some good films as well, such as 1981's "Excaliber" and 1972's "Deliverance."  But this one was really putrid.  Again, I'm hazy on the plot details, something about a mind reading machine, another demon possessing Regan, and bees in Africa.  But I do remember it wasn't scary, wasn't interesting, and didn't add anything worthwhile to the original story or characters.  Much the opposite.  I've loathed many sequels in my life, but this is the worst one.  It's making me angry all over again, just thinking about it

5)  Revenge of the Dead (AKA Zeder) (1983).  6.1 rating on IMDB, No RT score for critics, 75% for general audiences.  It reportedly grossed about $208,000 (converted from Italian currency) on an unstated budget.  Okay, this one is obscure.  Probably only other obsessive zombie fans such as myself have even heard of this one, much less seen it.  The writer/director Pupi Avati is fairly well regarded in the independent horror circuit.  His "The House With Laughing Windows" (1976) was a weirdly fun outing for me.  But, this one was a zombie movie which forgot to add the zombies.  Almost literally, as I recall.  (It has been decades since I saw it.)  In it, there's something about a mysterious place called the K-Zone, which restores the dead to life, and people investigating that.  Anyway, I just recall being incredibly bored, waiting for anything to happen.  I think that there was one or maybe two zombies at points, who didn't do much of anything.  The movie wasn't scary, not entertainingly bad, not funny, and not compelling in any way.  I don't know why living dead fans often rate this one fairly highly.  One small crumb of a compliment--one of the movie's posters was undeniably awesome.  It features several zombies literally breaking up through the street and sewers.  The exact kind of cool walking corpse action that is sadly missing from the film itself.

6)  J'Accuse (1919).  IMDB rating of 7.7, RT scores of 67%/90%.  Reportedly grossed 3,500,000 on a 500,000 budget (French currency).  As you can tell from the date, this was a silent movie, and in black and white.  The basic plot is about dead soldiers returning from the grave to prevent further warfare.  Sounds potentially interesting, right?  It's not.  It was interminable.  I can barely remember anything happening, other than boring talking.  No interesting characters, or cool action scenes,  or scary moments, anything.  Plus, unlike a lot of pre-1950's or so movies, which were often short, like 70-90 minutes, this one was incredibly long--the version I saw was 166 minutes.  I only watched it the whole way through out of foolish determination not to let the movie win.  And I know some readers might be thinking, of course you found it boring.  It was a silent movie, a vastly different type of cinema, and you're too much of a philistine to appreciate it.  But, you would be wrong.  I've seen several other silent movies, and liked them, such as "The Battleship Potempkin" (1925), "Haxan" (1922), and "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari" (1920).  So, all in all, potentially compelling idea but horrifically terrible execution.

7)  Movie 43 (2013).  IMDB rating of 4.3, RT scores of 4%/24%.  Grossed $32,400,000 on a $6,000,000 budget.  The story behind this is more interesting than the project itself.  Charles P. Wessler and Peter Farrelly wheedled, conned, and used all of their industry pull and influence to trick stars into appearing in this movie.  For years.  And for this.  It's a series of short vignettes of "comedy."  There are two different main wrap around stories, and I saw the version where kids are excited by a forbidden website which shows extreme videos.  My overall impression about this is what a colossal waste of time and talent.  Because here is some of the cast list--Elizabeth Banks, Halle Berry, Gerard Butler, Anna Faris, Richard Gere, Terrance Howard, Hugh Jackman, Justin Long, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloe Grace Moretz, Chris Pratt, Liev Schreiber, Emma Stone, Jason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman, Naomi Watts, Kate Winslet.  Several big names also directed segments, like James Gunn and Bob Odenkirk.  And the critics were accurate--rather like with "Meet the Spartans," the short vignettes are tedious, obvious, lazy, one-note, and gross-for-gross's-sake crap (often literally!).  I'm not a Farrelly brothers fan in general, but this is still the worst thing they've been involved with that I've seen.  And it leaves me wondering--imagine if these guys had used all their power and influence to convince movie stars to appear in a good movie, instead of this!

8)  Head (1968).  6.4 on IMDB, RT scores of 71%/78%.  Budget of  $750,000, gross of $16,000.  What a disappointment.  Growing up, I really liked The Monkees.  Their music, and their television show.  (I know, "The Pre-Fab Four" didn't write or even perform, much of their music, but still.)  So hearing that this movie was a more adult, edgier project by them, not limited by 1960's/70's TV rules sounded intriguing.  And what we got was this.  It was the perfect negative stereotype of the arthouse movie--weird for weird's sake.  Like the previous film, this one is a series of short sketches, without anything really connecting them.  And it's.....nothing.  Not funny, not interesting, not dramatic, not incisive, with no engaging comments on society, nothing.  It's just random refuse, a complete waste of celluloid.  I tried to sit though it twice, and once made it through an hour, before I had to admit defeat and give up.

9)  Unbreakable (2000).  7.3 score on IMDB, RT scores of 70%/77%.  Grossed $248,000,000 on a $75,000,000 budget.  Yeah, I'm going here--fight me!  For the record, I'm not a big M.Night Shyamalan fan.  "The Sixth Sense" (1999) was good, the first half or so of "Signs" (2002) was okay, and "The Visit" (2015) was sort of fun in a so-bad-it's-good way, but otherwise, ugh!  But Unbreakable was terrible.  Such a dumb plot--a guy doesn't notice that he never got sick or hurt until a train accident in his 40's?!  But he's only affected by water?  And clearly Samuel L. Jackson's character was set up as an antagonist, only nothing comes from it.  The film just ends with no resolution.  I realize that they finally did a sequel much later, but I refuse to watch it to see how they explain everything.  Like a lot of Shyamalan's movies, this one had a decent set up, but a very lackluster execution and conclusion.  I found this film to be incredibly dull.  Even the characters themselves seemed listless and disinterested.  The time I saw this was at a friend's house, on home video.  Out of kindness I soft-pedaled how much I hated this at the time.  But I'll be more direct now.

10)  Eyes Wide Shut (1999).  7.5 on IMDB, RT scores of 76%/74%.  Grossed $162,000,000 on a $65,000,000 budget.  I'm normally a Stanley Kubrick fan.  He's had some duds, but I really like or even love "Spartacus" (1960), "Dr. Strangelove" (1964), "A Clockwork Orange" (1971), "The Shining" (1980), and "Full Metal Jacket" (1987).  Leading up to his movie, I heard that Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise took a year or more out of their busy schedules, just to be part of this magnum opus.  And the result was this...thing.  Cruise plays a guy who is slowly involved in some conspiracy involving a sex club for the rich, while his marriage to Kidman's character is struggling.  Only, again, nothing really happens.  People seem to be following Cruise, threatening violence or murder, or something, only they ultimately don't really do anything.  In what was supposed to be a huge, revelatory scene Kidman's character breaks down and tell her husband a long story about being sexually attracted to some random guy one time.  Which somehow stresses their marriage even though, again, nothing really happened.  She didn't have sex with the man, or even kiss him.  She just thought about it, briefly.  Ohh, so terrible!  This movie even makes giant sex orgies boring, somehow.  To paraphrase Bart Simpson once more, "You know what's more interesting than nothing?  Something!"  And yet many viewers disagree with me, and loved Eyes Wide Shut.  Did we see the same movie?!

11)  My Dinner With Andre (1981)  7.7 IMDB, RT scores of 92%/85%.  $475,000 budget, and disputed grosses--either 1.7 or 5.2 million dollars.  This one had a potentially interesting idea.  It's a movie where 95% or more of it is the conversation between two guys at a restaurant.  But this movie is abysmal.  Because if your movie is just talking, the conversation should be....something compelling.  Interesting, dramatic, thought-provoking, funny.  Engage me in some way.  But it didn't.  The guy doing most of the talking, Andre Gregory, goes on and on about nothing much in particular.  Tedious tales about some theater troupe in Poland, interminable accounts of his family's problems, stuff like that.  For 111 minutes.  It was so dull and unmemorable that I can't recall most of it.  (Which, really, is fortunate for me.)  Somehow the man speaking is both annoying and forgettable.  And I like Wallace Shawn, but he's wasted here--mostly he just encourages the boring guy to keep speaking.  Plus, take another look at those ratings--people love this movie!  How?  I'm halfway convinced that people are lying about their true opinions of the film as a prank.  There are only two amusing things related to this movie, and these are jokes about it from other projects.  In a "Simpsons" episode nerdy Martin Prince is playing a "My Dinner With Andre" video game, with buttons for "Tell me more," and "Bon mot," instead of a joystick or firing buttons, etc.  And in "Waiting for Guffman" Christopher Guest's delightfully quirky character is selling action figures for the characters in "My Dinner With Andre."  (Get it, because there's no action in it!)  So like some of the other picks in this list, a germ of a possibly good idea was ruined with woeful execution.  Sometimes being creative and different aren't enough, you still need to entertain the audience in some way.  My only emotional reaction to this was frustration about wasting my time and attention on it.

     So there we are, my least favorite movies ever.  Feel free to disagree, or even criticize my criticisms.  Opinions are necessarily subjective, after all.  But for me these movies were the most miserable viewing experiences I can recall, and don't ever want to repeat.

 

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Soppressata

      Today's focus is yet another happy accident.  I was looking for some pepperoni at my local grocery, when I saw packages of something called, "soppressata."  Obviously I bought some and brought it home.  I got the "sweet soppressata" from Fratelli Beretta USA, Inc., which in turn is the American affiliate of the Italian Salumificio Fratelli Beretta SPA company.

     Soppressata is a traditional meat made in Southern Italy.  Officially it's a dry salami.  There are two main types of it--a cured kind, and an uncured one.  There are also some variations about which cuts of pork are used to make it.  Sometime it's fine cuts from the shoulder, or loin, or from ham.  For others it's kind of like sausage or hot dogs, and created using lower quality, fatty scraps.  The name for this meat is taken from the Italian word "soppressare," which means "to press, to tighten, and to suppress."  That's because soppressata is traditionally pressed between weights for two days, before it's hung up to dry and age for 2-6 months.  It also tends to be spicier than most salamis.  These spices can also vary, but some common ones are salt, chili peppers, cinnamon, rosemary, black and red pepper, garlic, and even wine.  It's then consumed in sandwiches, as a pizza topping, as part of a charcuterie board, or on focaccia (an Italian bread).

     Online information about Salumificio Fratelli Beretta SPA was quite limited.  The business was started in 1812, in the Italian community of Barzano.  Given the name, and the fact that later owners are referred to as having the surname "Beretta," I assume the founder(s) were also surnamed Beretta.  And since "fratelli" means "brothers" in Italian, presumably it was at least 2 Berettas who started the company.  The business was local for over a century, only starting to ship its products throughout all of Italy in 1921-60.  The first American facility was in 1997 (New Jersey), and then in 2007 (California).  Aside from soppressata other products offered include salami, prosciutto, coppa & bresaola, antipasto, and mortadella, or basically, a slew of cured meats.

Fratelli Beretta sweet soppressata:  The pieces looked a lot like pepperoni, or salami--primarily red in color, with little white specks visible.  The pieces were pre-sliced into round discs, very thin.  (Which was different than what I'd heard about this meat, or seen in some online photos, which were the slightly flattened, oblong shape instead of being round.)  Plain the pieces were good.  On a roll with Swiss cheese and ranch dressing was better, very tasty.  Chewy and rich.  The slightly sweet and spicy meat pairs well with the roll, cheese, and dressing.  I would definitely recommend this.  I've already bought a couple more packs of it, and it's becoming a staple of mine.  If you like pepperoni and/or salami you'll probably like soppressata--they're not identical, but fairly similar.

    It only hit me later, when I looked up where in Italy that Barzano is, that I realized that Italian cured meat purists, if there are any (and the absurdist in me hopes so), might question my soppressata's authenticity.  Since soppressata is a tradition in Southern Italy, and Barzano is well in the northern part of the country.  This is kind of a moot point anyway, since mine was prepared here in New Jersey, and not in Italy (either North or South), but just throwing it out there.  It's close enough to count for me, because it's surely based on traditional Italian recipes and production methods, but to be a completist I suppose I would try Southern Italian-made soppressata if I encounter it, and compare.  

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--A Pickle Juice Beverage--Yes, You Read that Correctly

      Recently, I was in the alternate Shop-Rite grocery and saw something new--a drink bottle called Pickle Juice.  As a lifetime Philadelphia Eagles fan, I immediately thought about the famous 2000 game wherein the Eagles drank pickle juice to combat the heat and ended up beating the tar out of the Dallas Cowboys in Texas.  Anyway, I checked out the bottle.  And it seemed to be exactly what its name suggested, and not some weird flavor of soda or something.  Needless to say, I bought it.  Specifically, I got the Pickle Juice from The Pickle Juice Company LLC, out of Texas.

     My online research revealed a definitive connection between the product and the game I recalled.  Reportedly, the founder, Brandon Brooks, saw that game and heard about the pickle juice gambit.  He then was inspired to start marketing a pickle juice beverage, starting the company in 2001.  Which is kind of weird to me.  First off, if Brooks was a Texan, as the location of his company suggests, it's a bit strange that he was motivated to sell a product similar to the one that beat his (presumed) hometown, favorite team.  (I know I would not have done so, being constantly reminded of a disastrous, terrible game, even if the overall idea was sound.)  Secondly, and more broadly, my interest in NFL football is quite intense, arguably more than is healthy for my well being and especially my stress levels, but even I have never decided to found a business based on the results of one.  Finally, as an Eagles fan, I was further confused because Brandon Brooks is the name of a famous former Philadelphia Eagles player, an offensive guard who played for them from 2016-19 and 2021, including the Super Bowl winning 2017 regular season squad.  I know, it's a coincidence, and "Brandon Brooks" isn't the most unique name, but still, it kind of struck me all the same.

     As for the company itself, The Pickel Juice Company LLC sells....pickle juice.  They recently created a version with chili lime flavor, but otherwise it's just the one product.  Kind of.  It's actually a misnomer, false advertising.  Because the pickle juice sold by The Pickle Juice Company isn't actually pickle juice at all!  (Dun Dun Duuuun!)  Instead it's the ingredients used to make pickles (i.e., vinegar, spices, etc.) mixed up into a drink, but no cucumbers are ever soaked in them.  The company even makes this point a major part of their marketing, as they have a "no pickles were harmed in the making of Pickle Juice" slogan, and have anthropomorphized pickles named Peter and Piper as "pitchvegetables.".

     But the bulk of the company's website is dedicated to their claims about how healthy their Pickle Juice is.  About how all of the electrolytes help athletes recover after exercise, especially in hot temperatures.  They go on to say that theirs is the "only product made that's scientifically proven to stop muscle cramps."  Which, in my opinion, is a bit misleading, or even possible false.  The website does cite a 2010 BYU study which showed that athletes who imbibed pickle juice recovered better after exercise than those that just drank water.  But, what about other sports drinks?  I don't think that anyone disputes that consuming electrolytes after exercise is more beneficial than consuming no electrolytes, but WHICH electrolytes?  My point is, I think that regular sports drinks like Gatorade and Powerade clearly provide electrolytes, and I'm not convinced that Pickle Juice is necessarily superior to them.  For the record, Pickle Juice does seem to have more potassium and especially sodium than these other drinks, but then they have at least one B vitamin that Pickle Juice lacks, Vitamin B12.  So the question is, which electrolytes are the best for athletes, and what are the best amounts of sodium, potassium, etc.?  I may well be wrong, but it seems like further, more detailed studies are needed before we can say that Pickle Juice is definitively better than their competitors and truly the only drink that can prevent muscle cramps.

The Pickle Juice Company, Pickle Juice:    Was more clear than I expected--maybe slightly yellowish, but basically it looked like water.  It had a distinct vinegar-y odor, though.  The taste was... like pickle juice. Maybe not as strong as actual pickle juice from the jar (not that I've drank that much, but what drips off the pickles themselves), but strong enough.  So it wasn't pleasant to drink.  I guess it does have the electrolytes people need after exercise, especially outdoors in the heat, but I question that many folks enjoy this.  Why not just drink Gatorade or Powerade?  Or Powerade Zero or the lower calorie/lower sugar types of Gatorade if you're concerned about those things. Because with those, you get arguably (?) the same type of electrolyte benefit, but the drink actually tastes good.  You can choose from dozens of flavors, such as grape, lemon lime, orange, fruit punch, etc.  So unless you're one of the rare people who likes consuming the liquid in the jar after eating the pickles, why would you drink this?  And I should say, I like pickles, both the sour and sweet kinds.  I've eaten entire jars of them, plain.  And even I think drinking down a lot of salty vinegar is strange, when you have much, much better alternatives. 

     Finally, I'll end with a bit more detail about the fateful football game I mentioned before.  On September 3, 2000, the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys opened their seasons in Texas.  On a day when the outdoor temperatures were reportedly 109 degrees Fahrenheit (or about 42.7 degrees Celsius), and on the field it was as high as 130 degrees (or about 54.4 degrees Celsius).  Anyway, the visiting Eagles blew out their division rivals 41-14.  The game is probably best remembered for the Eagles executing a successful onside kick on the opening kickoff, recovered by special teamer Dameane Douglas.  Running back Duce Staley rushed 26 times for 201 yards and a touchdown, and caught 4 passes for another 61 yards.  Surprisingly, quarterback Donovan McNabb had a lackluster game, completing only 18 of 30 passes for 130 yards, 1 touchdown, and 2 interceptions, for a passer rating of 51.2.  (He did rush 5 times for 29 yards and a touchdown, though.)  The Eagles defense played great, holding the Cowboys to only 167 total yards, and sacking them 5 times.  Individually, linebacker Jeremiah Trotter returned an interception 27 yards for a touchdown, and lineman Hugh Douglas had 2 sacks.  And, we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that this game somehow prompted a guy to start a beverage company, one which despite my opinions is evidently quite successful.  So there's that, too.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--2 Thai/American Dried Fruits

      Today's focus was yet another fortunate find from my local Shop-Rite grocery.  I was actually looking for blog fodder, and found some.  Dried papaya and mango didn't seem all that exotic, but then I checked the back label--"Product of Thailand" was written on each.  Although the company that packaged and distributed these products is based in the U.S. state of New Jersey, hence the name of this article.  The company in question was Paramount Foods, LLC.

     As its website noted, Paramount began in September of 2006.  The point of the business was to, "provide bulk nuts, dried fruits, and grains to supermarkets in Northern New Jersey."  Since this time Paramount has expanded its selection quite a bit.  Now it also sells cookies, chips, seaweed, coconut water, coffee, sauces, salt, herbs, veggies, honey, fruit and aloe juices, bread, and spices.  It also has expanded its footprint a little, as its products are now sold in parts of Pennsylvania and New York, as well as South Jersey, since that's where I am.  The business's name is derived from the initials of the founder's three daughters--Payton, Morgan, and Taylor.  Oddly, the website didn't mention the name of the founder.  However, alternate online sources revealed it to be David Carn.  This was a tad difficult to find out, as calling your food company "Paramount" is not exactly the most unique moniker.

     Moving on to the fruit,  mangoes appear to have originated in South Asia, probably in areas of India, Bangladesh, and the Andaman Islands.  Now, though, they're grown in many other parts of the world that have the requisite hot tropical climate, such as most of Southeast Asia, East and West Africa, Spain, the Caribbean, Australia, and the warmest U.S. states such as Florida, California, and Hawaii.  They're eaten in a myriad of ways.  Raw, cooked, pickled, or as part of chutneys, salads, jams, jellies, ice cream, smoothies, or other beverages.  Nutritionally they're quite healthy.  They're strong in their amount of Vitamin C and folate, and also have small amounts of just about every other vitamin.  There is a downside, though--their leaves, stems, skins, and sap can cause skin reactions (dermatitis) and anaphylactic responses in some people.

     Papayas took an opposite route.  They were "born" in what's now the Western Hemisphere, in Southern Mexico and Central America.  But like mangoes they've been avidly transplanted, and are now cultivated in many other suitably hot areas like Central Africa, Hawaii and Florida, India, and Australia.  (And clearly, at least some are grown in Thailand, given where mine came from.)  Nutritionally they're rather similar to mangoes, as they contain huge amounts of Vitamin C and some folate, and small amounts of most other vitamins.  Also like mangoes, some folks get adverse allergic reactions to papayas, if they're unripe.  Papayas are eaten raw or cooked, as parts of entrees or in jams and juices.  Finally, when green and unripe their juices can tenderize meat, and are often used to do just that.

Paramount Foods LLC dried mangoes:  These were an orange color, in strips of various sizes--they kind of looked like sweet potato chips.  Their texture was chewy, and the taste was sweet.  I haven't had a lot of mango in my life, as I recall, but these were good.  Surprisingly so.  Nature's candy, I guess.  I would recommend these.  Also, their texture rather reminds me of dried ginger.

Paramount Foods LLC dried papaya:  These were smaller in size, mostly in cube shapes that were reddish orange with some whitish spots.  The texture was chewy once again, and kind of raisin-y.  The flavor was not as good as the mango, but still alright.  They didn't taste as sweet as the mango, which I suppose is why I preferred mangoes more.  I'd still recommend them, though.

     After mentally patting myself on the back for eating healthier snacks, I got an unpleasant surprise when I checked the ingredient list for both of these.  I figured this list would be brief--basically dried mangoes or dried papaya.  But, they both had sugar added.  (And artificial colors, if that bothers you.)  Which, depressingly, might explain why I enjoyed the mangoes so much, and liked the papaya okay--they weren't super healthy, plain fruit, but had the extra sugar.  So keep that in mind--there are probably healthier brands of dried fruit which are basically just the fruit itself.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--A German/Polish Candy

      Okay, we're back to talking about food today.  More specifically, about an exotic candy, Toffifay, which is a hazelnut/caramel/hazelnut cream/chocolate confection from the Storck company.  My particular candy was actually made in a Polish facility, but the overall company is German, so that explains why two places are in this post's title.

     The Storck company, also known as August Storck KG, was started back in 1903 by a German man named, of course, August Storck.  Storck, who had previously been a farmer, originally called his confectionary business Werther'sche Zuckerwarenfabrik.  Fortunately for those who prefer shorter names, he renamed it some time later.  Additionally, for reasons I couldn't find out, this man also changed his surname, with his new one being Oberwelland.  Storck has become hugely successful in the 120 years of its existence, as it currently employs over 7000 people, and is exported to over 100 countries around the globe.  (If you're curious, unless you're reading this in parts of central or southern Africa, of in much of Southeast Asia, or on many Pacific Islands, you can probably get a Storck product in your general location.)  As such, Storck has many brands, all of which involve some kind of candy.  Some of these most popular ones include Werther's Original, Knoppers, Mamba, Riesen, and Merci.  The brand I tried, Toffifay, was started in 1973.  Also, this is the American version of the name--in other parts of the world it's rendered "Toffifee."  To give you another idea of how successful Storck has been, the current owner, Axel Oberwelland, is estimated to have a net worth of 3,900,000,000 (presumably in Euros).  Axel's brother Timm Oberwelland is in the film industry rather than the candy and chocolate game.  IMDB lists over 29 completed projects from him, with highlights being the films "Alien Invasion:  S.U.M. 1" (2017), "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" (2018), and "Catweazle" (2021), as well as the 2020-21 television series "The Island." 

Storck Toffifay candy:  These candies were bowl-shaped, about 1.25 cm. (about 1 inch) in diameter, with a light brown outer rim, and a dark brown center.  The texture was slightly crunchy on the outside, but chewy on the inside.  I could detect a hazelnut flavor, and the chocolate was not too dark and bitter.  I'm not typically a big fan of hazelnut, but this was good.  Solid candy.  If you like Nutella, for example, you'll probably also like these candies.

     Finally, much to my disappointment, the previously mentioned "Catweazle" movie does not appear to be cautionary tale about a cat/weasel hybrid.  I was picturing something hideous made by a deranged surgeon, or an accident similar to what happened in the transporters in "The Fly."  Instead it's a children's fantasy story, about a Norman magician who travels 900 years into the future.  (Based on a British television show from the 1970's.)  

Extremely Difficult Trivia About "Predator" (1987)

      All of this brutally hot weather lately has made me think of folks in another brutally hot situation--the characters in the 1987 sci-fi/action movie "Predator."  Like a lot of viewers, I adore this film--the actors are perfectly cast, the action scenes are great, and the Predator itself is an imaginative and terrifying villain.  So let's get into some obscure details about it for fun.  As always, questions first, followed by the answers.  And many SPOILERS ahead, obviously.

Questions:

1)    Blain is seen wearing a black t-shirt with a company logo on it.  What is it for?

2)    Of the 6 members of Dutch's team, who is the only one wearing a suit and tie when they get off the helicopter in the beginning?

3)    What type of general is General Phillips?  (As in, how many stars does he have?)

4)    According to Dillon and Phillips, how long ago did the helicopter they're looking for disappear?

5)    According to Dillon and Phillips, who was in this helicopter?

6)    Dillon mentions two places to Dutch in their first conversation.  One is a job that Dutch did, and the other is an assignment that Dutch passed on.  Name them.

7)    What is Dutch's rank?

8)    What song is played on the boombox during the helicopter ride to the assignment?

9)    How many people in Dutch's team accept Blain's offer of chewing tobacco?

10)   What souvenir did both Dillon and Dutch get in 1972, north of the town of Hue?

11)   Which members of the team climb up to the crashed helicopter in the tree?

12)   According to Billy, after he observes the tracks, how many guerillas took away the hostages?

13)   Also according to Billy, how many additional men wearing U.S. Army boots followed the guerillas?

14)   After this, Poncho asks Dutch if he remembers another job, and Dutch says he's trying to forget it.  Which one are they talking about?

15)   How many members of Hopper's team were hung up in trees and skinned?

16)   What is Hopper's first name?

17)   Hopper's team are a group of Green Berets out of where?

18)   What long time, bodybuilding friend of Arnold Schwarzenegger's plays a member of the guerilla camp?

19)   What is the name of Blain's giant machine gun?

20)   Dutch assigns tasks to each person of the team before they engage the guerrilla camp.  Name them.

21)   After the guerrilla camp is dealt with, the team calls for a chopper pickup.  From who, specifically?

22)   When Poncho and Blain are tangling with the guerrilla up a tree, what animal does Blain compare him to?

23)   What is Poncho's reply to Blain's famous line, "I ain't got time to bleed."?

24)   According to air surveillance, how far away, in time and distance, are the other guerrilla groups?

25)   How many pussy jokes does Hawkins tell to Billy?

26)   How many digits are on the Predator's hands?

27)   According to Blain, this jungle makes what country look like Kansas?

28)   What is Mac's rank?

29)   Mac manages to slightly wound the Predator with bullets from Blain's gun.  Where is this wound?

30)   After Dillon calls for an extraction by helicopter, he's denied, and told to proceed to what sector?

31)   While Mac is reminiscing with Blain's corpse, he mentions an incident when a whole platoon of 32 guys got chopped into meat, but just he and Blain walked out, unwounded.  What did Mac call this night?

32)   After Mac kills the pig that gets caught in their booby trap, who mocks him, belittling the size of the animal?

33)   At this point in the movie, how far away is the rendezvous point for the chopper?

34)  Anna mentions that a Predator has killed men in her village other times, in the hottest years.  What does their name for the Predator mean, in English?

35)   Who is the first person to see the Predator "uncloaked" (uncamouflaged)?

36)   Who is the only character we hear two (first and last) names for?

37)   Billy confronts the Predator by waiting for it, armed only with a big blade.  He also cuts himself with it on the chest.  Who is the only other character seen cutting himself with a blade?

38)   We see the Predator examining a collection of skulls.  How many of these are of animals?

39)   And how many of these skulls are human?

40)   True or false?  The Predator is mortally wounded by one of Dutch's traps.

41)   The main characters are shown again in the movie's credits.  Shane Black (who played Hawkins) is shown reading what comic book?

42)   What are the jobs/specialties for each of the 6 members of Dutch's team?

43)   We learn midway through the movie that Dillon was lying to Dutch about the job.  What was actually the military/political situation?

44)   In what two countries is the movie set in?

45)   The actor who played the Predator, Kevin Peter Hall, also played another, human character in this movie.  Who was it?

46)   Whose skulls does the Predator collect?  (Conjectural.)

47)   How many people are killed in this movie?

48)   Why didn't the Predator kill any of the guerrillas?  (Conjectural.)

49)   Is Blain wielding a minigun realistic?

50)   Of the actors playing the 10 major characters (Dutch's eventual group of 8, General Phillips, and the Predator), who among them saw actual combat in a real life war?

Answers:

1)    It's for MTV, the cable television network Music Television.

2)    Mac.

3)    He's a major (2 star) general.  As can be seen by the number of stars on his hat, and uniform.

4)    18 hours ago.

5)    A cabinet minister, and his aide.

6)    Dutch worked in Berlin, but passed on Libya.

7)    He's a major.  They mention this many times.

8)    "Long Tall Sally," the version performed by Little Richard.

9)    None, much to Blain's vocal disdain.

10)   Cigarette lighters.

11)   Poncho and Dillon.

12)   12.

13)   6.

14)   Afghanistan.

15)   3.

16)   In what may be a mistake, Dutch says it's "Jim," but the man's dog tags read "C.E. Hopper."  Perhaps it was a nickname.

17)   Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

18)   Sven-Ole Thorsen plays a Soviet military advisor.

19)   Old Painless.

20)   Mac and Blain are to take out the machine gun nest, Billy and Poncho are to take care of the guard, Hawkins and Dillon are backup, and Dutch will handle the fuel dump.

21)   Connor.

22)   He's dug in like an Alabama tick.

23)   "Oh, okay.  You got time to duck?"

24)   About 1-2 miles, and a half hour away.

25)   2.  The first one bombs, but Billy is amused by the 2nd one.

26)   Just like ours--4 fingers and a thumb.  Albeit with longer nails, or claws.

27)   Cambodia.

28)   He's a sergeant, 2nd in command.

29)   On the Predator's left leg, somewhere around its knee.

30)   3,000.

31)   A Number 10 night.

32)   Poncho.

33)   10-12 miles away.

34)   "The demon who makes trophies of men."

35)   Dillon.

36)   Poncho Ramirez.  The novelization, comics, etc., provide first and last names for all the characters, but they're not mentioned in the film, or listed in the credits except for Poncho.

37)   Mac, presumably accidently, as he's distracted while dry shaving his face.

38)   We see 5, arranged in the netting around its torso.

39)   3.

40)   False.  Technically it bypasses the actual trap, but is killed by the trap's counterweight hanging log falling on it.

41)   It's a "Sgt. Rock" comic, #408 from February of 1986, to be exact.

42)   Dutch is the commanding officer, Mac is 2nd in command/machine gunner.  Blain is the heavy gunner.  Poncho is the explosives/demolition expert, Hawkins is the radio operator, and Billy is the tracker/scout.  The medic is thought to be either Poncho or Hawkins.

43)   Dillon and the CIA believed that the guerrillas were preparing for an invasion of their neighboring country, aided by Soviet military advisors.  So they sent in CIA operatives to find the main guerrilla camp.  But the CIA agents' helicopter was discovered and destroyed, and the agents were taken prisoner by the guerrillas.  Hopper's team was sent to rescue the prisoners, and probably also to destroy the guerrilla camp, but they were killed by the Predator.  Dutch's team was then sent to do the same task as Hopper's, only they were lied to and told it was a rescue mission of government officials.  (In "Predator 2" this gets retconned a bit.  In that movie Keyes (Gary Busey's character) actually suspected the Predator was in the area, so he and his group set up the entire plan to try to capture it, presumably lying to Dillon and the CIA in turn.)

44)   In the movie they're unidentified, other than being in Central America (Mac notes that the "cabinet minister and his aide" were clearly not Central American.)  However, in the novelization and in the sequels the area they Predator was in was Guatemala.  So the neighboring countries would be either Mexico, Belize, Honduras, or El Salvador.  A writer friend of director McTiernan identified the country as the fictitious "Val Verde," which in turn was used in other movies like "Commando" and "Die Hard 2," but this is not canon.

45)   Hall briefly appears as one of the pilots of the chopper at the end.  He's the tall black guy.

46)   We can be sure that it didn't save those of 3 of the guys from Hopper's team, and Hawkins' skull, since these 4 men were hung in trees with their heads still attached.  Of the others, we know that the Predator stole Blain's body, so maybe he craved Blain's skull.  We see him rip out Billy's skull and spine out, and prepare it, so I think it's safe to assume Billy's skull is retained.  Of the rest, we don't see the Predator take the bodies of Dillon, Mac, or Poncho, although it could have later, offscreen.  One skull has a blackened hole near the top, in the left-center portion.  Which could indicate that this is Mac's, since he appeared to be shot in this area of the head.  Although later his head looks intact when Dillon sees him, but this might be a mistake by the filmmakers.  Poncho was shot in the head as well, but it looked like more in the side.  Finally, it's possible that the Predator took more of his human victim's skulls, but was storing them somewhere else.

47)   The guerrillas/Soviet military advisors apparently killed 5 people--the 2 helicopter pilots, and the 3 CIA agents (Billy says 2 at first, but later adds "a kid" in the aftermath of the guerrilla camp assault.)  The Predator kills the 6 members of Hopper's team, and 6 of Dutch's team (Hawkins, Blain, Mac, Dillion, Billy, and Poncho).  The number of guerrillas killed by Dutch's team is unfortunately undetermined.  Some websites claim a low of 58, others up to a high of 76.

48)   The Predator seems to prefer killing people who are alone, or in small groups.  It only (apparently) attacks Hopper's group of 6, and then Dutch's group of 8.  Maybe the 12 guerrillas and 3 hostages were too many, and the camp itself had dozens more, obviously.  Alternately, maybe the Predator only arrived in the area when Hopper's team arrived, and then hung around and waited in the area, and only decided to stalk Dutch's team when they got there, and didn't really encounter the guerrilla camp until after it followed Dutch's team there.

49)   According to everything I read online, no.  The one he uses, the M134 minigun, is usually mounted on helicopters, and is not picked up and used by a person, even one as big and bulky as Jesse Ventura.  To get it to work for the movie they had to slow it down, and power it using heavy battery packs.  Also, it fires so quickly that even a bodybuilder couldn't carry the weight of all the ammunition required to fire it as much as the characters do.  So it's a cool image, but not really plausible.

50)   It appears that only the least prepossessing guy, Richard Chaves (who played Poncho) did, as he was in the U.S. Army and fought in the Vietnam War.  Jesse Ventura (Blain) was in the U.S. Navy (possibly a Navy Seal?), and served in Vietnam during the war, but didn't see actual combat.  Of the others, Sonny Landham (Billy) served in the U.S. Army, but not in a war, and Arnold Schwarzenegger (Dutch) served in the Austrian Army, but again, not in a war or in combat.  Otherwise, Bill Duke (Mac), Carl Weathers (Dillon), Shane Black (Hawkins), R. G. Armstrong (Phillips), Elpidia Carrillo (Anna), and Kevin Peter Hall (the Predator) did not serve in the military.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--A Turkish Liquor

      About a year and a half ago, in my January 29, 2022 post about Arak Razzouk, I promised/threatened that more articles about anise-flavored boozes were imminent.  And then I got distracted, or forget entirely about this, I guess.  Anyway, here we go.  Today we'll be talking about yeni raki, from the Mey company, or to use their full title, Mey Alkollu Ickiler San VE TIC. A.S.

     The history of this drink, raki, is a bit cloudy.  One website claims that the first reference to it was a 1630 travelogue by the Ottoman Empire explorer Evliya Celebi.  Another source maintains that it's older, saying that in 1326 the second Ottoman sultan Orhan Ghazi gave raki as a gift to Geyikli Baba and his dervish helpers for helping conquer Bursa.  Whenever the true origin is, raki became much more popular in the 1800's.  At this point it was made privately, in Turkish homes.  However, after the modern Republic of Turkey was created in the 20th century, raki began to be made in government operated factories, starting in 1944.  Then, in 2001 the production of raki was privatized, and so more companies began making it.  The Mey company is still arguably the most popular producer of raki, aided by it getting the production rights from the previous Tekel government factory.

     But what is raki, precisely?  First of, the name itself is also convoluted.  Some think that it derives from the Arabic word for sweat ("arak"), as the distilling process was thought by many to resemble sweating.  Others claim that the name comes from the type of grape used as its base, razaki.  Be that as it may, raki is the national drink of Turkey.  Its creation is fairly strict.  First, grapes, or sometimes raisins, are fermented into wine.  Then this wine is distilled, into a powerful (over 90% alcoholic content) alcohol called suma.  Water and then anise are added to the suma, and the combination is distilled a second time, usually in copper containers.  Thus making raki.  (Just to add to the confusion, the folks in Crete make a liquor also called "raki," but this one is completely different, as it's a brandy that doesn't use anise as a flavoring agent.)  Aside from Turkey, people in neighboring Balkan nations and Kazakhstan also make and enjoy raki.

     The company that I'll refer to as Mey for brevity's sake makes gin, liqueur, raki, vodka, and wine.  They also import other kinds of wine, gin, liqueur, whiskey, vodka, and tequila.  There are several different kinds of raki, too, all with descriptive names before "raki."  "Yeni" means "new" in Turkish, and that's the sort I tried.  Kulup means "club," civan means "around," tayfa means "crew," and vefa means "fidelity."  I couldn't find translations of "tekirdag," "izmir," or "altinbas," so perhaps these are place names, or maybe people's names.  Finally, the current head of the Mey business is general manager Levent Komur, and since 2011 Mey is a subsidiary of the giant Diageo company, which also owns the famous liquor brands Guinness, Tanqueray, Baileys, Smirnoff, Captain Morgan, J&B, and others.

Mey yeni raki:  Had a clear color, and an anise-y odor.  Pleasant taste.  As with other anise drinks, some folks drink it with water, and/or ice, which cause a milky color called a louche.  I had mine plain, as a shot.  Much better than aguardiente, better than Sambuca, but not as great as Arak Razzouk, to compare it to other anise-flavored liquors.  So a very good anise bite to it, and a significantly better than average alcoholic drink.  If you like anise flavors in general, and also enjoy anise-flavored boozes I would recommend it highly.  But it is quite powerful--mine was 45% alcohol, or 90 proof.  So bear that in mind, and be careful.