Sometimes I'm surprised by what's found in the international or ethnic food section in grocery stores. If you're in a place called Little Italy or Chinatown or something, you expect to see that country's food products for sale, but sometimes I see unexpected ones. Anyway, as the title gives away, I'm talking about a wide variety of Polish foods that I found in a store in Southington, Connecticut. So evidently there's a decently high percentage of people in the area with Polish heritage. I bought several kinds of biscuits/cookies, and one tinned meat, Spam-style product (see November 8, 2013 post for more info on these).
Sokolow S.A. made the canned meat, pork loaf. This company dates back to 1899 and specializes in meat--in fresh, canned, and cold cut form. There was a 9 minute video on the company website which may have provided more company history details, but, not shockingly, it was in Polish, so I couldn't understand it. Fortunately for me, the rest of the website was translated into English. Their "Did you know..." section had some amusing tidbits. They mentioned that one of their branches makes enough wieners in one month to stretch from Warsaw, Poland, to New York City in the U.S. Or enough pate in one month to equal the weight of 100 elephants (they didn't specify which kind, Asian or African elephants, which I think can make a significant difference, but oh well). Then there's the odd statement--"The Debica branch is the only facility in Poland able to produce products with natural moulds on the surface." (I assume that this refers to some safe-for-consumption, flavor-enhancing molds, like in various blue cheeses like Roquefort and gorgonzola, or otherwise they'd be bragging about selling spoiled food!) An American company, Square Enterprises, distributed the tinned pork loaf, as they do with other canned vegetables and juices. (Many of their beverages contain carrot juice, which I find revolting.) Square also distributed one of the cookie brands, Pulaski. Otherwise I wasn't able to find out much about the other companies, or food types. Krakus is manufactured in Poland for Prime Choice Foods in the U.S., but I could only view a very large product list, including meat, canned vegetables, jams, and other baked goods.
1) Krakus flakes--strawberry yogurt cream filled wafers: These were long thin wafers (about 8.5 cm. by 3 cm. or about 3.25 inches by 1.125 inches) that had two yellow cross-hatched wafers sandwiching a pink filling. Kind of "meh," or average. Rather typical wafer, with a flavor that wasn't very dazzling. (See my May 25, 2016 post to read about Brazil's atypical fruit-flavored wafers.)
2) Krakus wafferio--chocolate covered wafer with cocoa filling: This was packaged individually, as a long rod, about 4.5 inches by .75 inches (about 11 cm. by 2 cm.), with a dark brown color. As expected, this was basically like a chocolate candy bar made using wafers. It was okay, and slightly better than the flake kind.
3) Krakus biscuits with chocolate black currant: This was a limited edition. These cookies were round, about 5 cm. (about 2 inches) in diameter, with a brown chocolate exterior and a white and purplish interior. They were soft and chewy, with a weird taste. The fruit and chocolate mixing was odd, and not that great. Kind of okay, I guess.
4) Krakus biscuits with chocolate raspberry: These were the same size, shape, and color as the chocolate black currant kind. Had the same texture, too. And were also kind of disappointing. This flavor pairing was slightly off-putting. Not terrible, but sub par.
5) Wawei chocolate truffle (? Just about all the writing on the label was in Polish, and I couldn't learn anything else online): These were essentially bite-size chocolate bars, similar to those Americans give out on Halloween. They were about 3.5 cm by 2 cm. (about 1.5 inches by .75 inches) and dark brown in color. I didn't like these very much. However, to be fair, I don't normally like dark chocolate much, so there's that. I could finish these, but just barely.
6) Pulaski wafers with peanut filling: Long and thin, about 11 cm. by 3 cm. (about 4.25 inches by 1 inch), with three yellow cross hatched wafer pieces encasing 2 light brown filling layers. These were quite good, easily the best of all the biscuits/cookies. But I love peanut butter flavoring, so this makes sense.
7) Army Brand chopped pork pattie loaf: Like Spam and its clones, this was basically pork scraps with some spices. This is definitely one of the most disgusting food items I've seen--it was pinkish brown meat with white chunks mixed in it, surrounded by a orange gel. It also had an unpleasant odor--and my family wasn't shy about complaining about this. I had a tough time digging into this, as it looked like it was rotten or something. Fortunately, once I did, it was pretty good. It didn't taste like Spam or the other potted meats--this one reminded my much more of a decent meat loaf. Nice chewy texture as well. Ketchup helped the flavor, too. So, to use a non-food metaphor, for me Army Brand pork loaf was more evidence that you can't always judge a book by its cover.
I'll conclude with some info about the namesake of one of the cookies, Casimir Pulaski. Pulaski was a Polish nobleman, best known for fighting for Polish autonomy with the Bar Confederation, and then helping the colonists gain independence in the American Revolution. Pulaski is credited with saving George Washington's life in the Battle of Brandywine, and is known as the father of American cavalry. He gave his life fighting for the Americans in 1779. As a result, he's had various bridges, highways, boats, and counties named after him. He's also one of only 8 people to be granted honorary American citizenship. (If you're curious, two others were Revolutionary War figures--Lafayette and Bernardo de Galvez, along with William Penn and Hannah Callowhill Penn (one of Penn's wives), Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg (for his efforts to save Hungarian Jews in World War II), Mother Theresa, and Sir Winston Churchill.) One more fascinating item concerns Pulaski's apparent remains, which were exhumed and examined on at least two occasions. There is some controversy about whether this skeleton was indeed his, but various details and injuries found on the bones match up well with what is known about Pulaski's life. Anyway, some of the bones showed distinctly feminine characteristics, indicating that Pulaski may have been intersex.
Saturday, December 29, 2018
Saturday, December 22, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Canadian Cookies (Biscuits)
This week we'll headed on a short trip, up over the border to Canada, the U.S.'s friendly neighbor to the north. Which I believe is the first Canadian-themed post I've done, which is kind of weird now that I think about it. Anyway, these cookies are from the Dare company, and I picked them up at my local Shop-Rite grocery.
Dare is a moderately old company. They've been making cookies and candies since 1892, based out of the family grocery in Ontario. This company was incorporated in 1919, meaning that their official centennial is right around the corner. Dare was started by Charles H. Doerr, and as such, the company was named the C.H. Doerr Company up until 1945. At this point, Doerr changed the title to Dare, thinking that this close approximation of his surname was much easier to pronounce, and remember. By 1954 Dare was sold all over the country of Canada, aided by the technological improvement of an effective resealable container for cookies. By 1956 Dare products were exported to the U.S. Dare continued to expand, and by 1983 their foods were available in all of the lower 48 U.S. states. Eleven years later, in 1994, Dare opened its first bakery in the U.S., in Spartanburg, South Carolina. This manufacturer has been near the forefront of addressing specialized dietary concerns, too. They eliminated all peanuts at their plants in 2003 due to allergy issues, and in 2013 they marketed Canada's first gluten-free cracker. In a similar vein, Dare has announced that they'll switch to using only cage-free eggs by 2025, and some of their products are kosher. Finally, in addition to cookies, this firm still makes candies, crackers, and various kinds of crisps (or "chips" to American customers). Currently Dare employs over 1300 people, and is exported to over 50 countries around the world.
1) Dare Breaktime oatmeal cookies: These were round, and about 4.5 cm (about 1.75 inches) in diameter, with a light brown color. Slightly disappointing, as they were not as good as some other oatmeal cookies I've had. Okay, but nothing more. They were better after being dipped in milk.
2) Dare fudge chocolate creme filled cookies: Circular shape, with a spiral pattern etched on them. These were like an Oreo cookie in that they were two outer pieces sandwiching a cream (or creme) filling. Diameter was about the same as the oatmeal. All of these components were dark brown. These were solid, but not great. Definite fudge-like flavor.
3) Dare coconut creme filled cookies: Yellow hue, with elaborate inner circular pattern and scallop-type edges. Like the fudge kind, they were sandwich style, encasing a white filling. Same size as the first two varieties. These were better than the first two kinds. Although the coconut flavor was strong--if you like coconut, you'll probably enjoy these, but if you don't you probably will hate them.
4) Dare maple creme cookies: Not surprisingly, these cookies were shaped like a maple leaf, about 5 cm. by 5 cm. (about 2 inches by 2 inches), with yellow outside cookies enclosing a light yellowish-brown filling. "DARE" was embossed on them, too. These had an intense maple flavor. Since I enjoy maple, I really liked these. Very sweet and tasty. Easily the best of the bunch.
Overall, these Dare cookies/biscuits ranged from alright to very good. My family liked these too--they especially enjoyed the coconut ones. I definitely plan on buying the maple creme variety again. I should also mention that the price was very reasonable for these. The box sizes ranged from 8.8 ounces (250 gram) to 10.6 ounces (300 grams), and cost less than $3.00 per box. I think one was even less than $2.00.
Dare is a moderately old company. They've been making cookies and candies since 1892, based out of the family grocery in Ontario. This company was incorporated in 1919, meaning that their official centennial is right around the corner. Dare was started by Charles H. Doerr, and as such, the company was named the C.H. Doerr Company up until 1945. At this point, Doerr changed the title to Dare, thinking that this close approximation of his surname was much easier to pronounce, and remember. By 1954 Dare was sold all over the country of Canada, aided by the technological improvement of an effective resealable container for cookies. By 1956 Dare products were exported to the U.S. Dare continued to expand, and by 1983 their foods were available in all of the lower 48 U.S. states. Eleven years later, in 1994, Dare opened its first bakery in the U.S., in Spartanburg, South Carolina. This manufacturer has been near the forefront of addressing specialized dietary concerns, too. They eliminated all peanuts at their plants in 2003 due to allergy issues, and in 2013 they marketed Canada's first gluten-free cracker. In a similar vein, Dare has announced that they'll switch to using only cage-free eggs by 2025, and some of their products are kosher. Finally, in addition to cookies, this firm still makes candies, crackers, and various kinds of crisps (or "chips" to American customers). Currently Dare employs over 1300 people, and is exported to over 50 countries around the world.
1) Dare Breaktime oatmeal cookies: These were round, and about 4.5 cm (about 1.75 inches) in diameter, with a light brown color. Slightly disappointing, as they were not as good as some other oatmeal cookies I've had. Okay, but nothing more. They were better after being dipped in milk.
2) Dare fudge chocolate creme filled cookies: Circular shape, with a spiral pattern etched on them. These were like an Oreo cookie in that they were two outer pieces sandwiching a cream (or creme) filling. Diameter was about the same as the oatmeal. All of these components were dark brown. These were solid, but not great. Definite fudge-like flavor.
3) Dare coconut creme filled cookies: Yellow hue, with elaborate inner circular pattern and scallop-type edges. Like the fudge kind, they were sandwich style, encasing a white filling. Same size as the first two varieties. These were better than the first two kinds. Although the coconut flavor was strong--if you like coconut, you'll probably enjoy these, but if you don't you probably will hate them.
4) Dare maple creme cookies: Not surprisingly, these cookies were shaped like a maple leaf, about 5 cm. by 5 cm. (about 2 inches by 2 inches), with yellow outside cookies enclosing a light yellowish-brown filling. "DARE" was embossed on them, too. These had an intense maple flavor. Since I enjoy maple, I really liked these. Very sweet and tasty. Easily the best of the bunch.
Overall, these Dare cookies/biscuits ranged from alright to very good. My family liked these too--they especially enjoyed the coconut ones. I definitely plan on buying the maple creme variety again. I should also mention that the price was very reasonable for these. The box sizes ranged from 8.8 ounces (250 gram) to 10.6 ounces (300 grams), and cost less than $3.00 per box. I think one was even less than $2.00.
Saturday, December 15, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Maine Soft Drinks
About a month ago I was working in Maine, so I thought it'd be appropriate to do a post about some Maine edibles and drinkables. This week I'll do some of the latter, and I'll probably return to the former some time in the future. The official state soft drink of Maine is Moxie, which I covered back in my December 5th, 2013 post. Today I'll be discussing and rating five flavors of Capt'n Eli's sodas, which are a brand made by the Shipyard Brewing Company, out of Portland.
Shipyard Brewing, as the name suggests, is primarily a producer of beer. Founded in 1994, it's currently the fourth largest microbrewery in New England, after the Boston Beer Company, Harpoon, and Magic Hat. Its beers are available in 40 states. Shipyard's owners are Fred Forsley and Alan Pugsley. Pugsley is the master brewer, while Forsley seems to the driving force behind the soft drink line. Shipyard also owns Sea Dog Brewing and Casco Bay Brewing, and produces beer under contract for Gritty McDuffies's Brewing Co. Some of the brewery's more exotic offerings include Fireberry, Maui Mango, a Coffee Porter, Melon, and Monkey Fist IPA (which, somewhat disappointingly, is not flavored with actual monkey parts). As far as I can recall, I've only sampled two of Shipyard's beers--their Pumpkinhead and their discontinued Gingerbreadhead. (The Pumpkinhead I found to be an average, kind of bland and inoffensive, but drinkable pumpkin beer, while the Gingerbreadhead was an odd flavor, but kind of good.)
The Capt'n Eli's brand in a way dates back to the 1920's, when one of Forsley's ancestors made a home made root beer. It's been made and sold since 1996. Apart from the five I'll talk about below there's three other flavors--root beer, cola, and strawberry pop. The makers are proud to note that they use cane and brown sugar for sweetening, and not high fructose corn syrup. They're also free of caffeine and gluten. (They're presumably vegan, too, but I didn't see this listed.) The official website has one unusual feature, in their store section. Aside from the usual branded glassware they sell a comic book line. These are about the undersea adventures of Capt'n Eli, and also a character called Sea Ghost.
1) Capt'n Eli's black cherry pop flavor. Came in a 12 ounce (355 ml.) glass bottle, as did all the other flavors. Pinkish-red color, caused by beet and grape juice additives. Solid overall--not awesome, is a tad thin. So just okay.
2) Capt'n Eli's blueberry pop flavor. Similar color, since it's a purplish red hue. Again is alright, but doesn't have a particularly strong flavor. Maybe a bit weaker overall than the black cherry kind.
3) Capt'n Eli's orange pop flavor. Yellow color. Hate to be a broken record, but it was about the same as the previous--average, but not a very strong, distinctive taste. Solid but nothing more.
4) Capt'n Eli's cream flavor. Champagne hue. Has a sweet, almost bubble-gum like taste. Better than the first three, but still just good.
5) Capt'n Eli's ginger beer. Best of the bunch. Very good, but not excellent, though. If it had a slightly more intense ginger bite it would be great.
So as you can see I wasn't exactly blown away by Capt'n Eli's sodas, and I tried most of them. I think I'd only buy the ginger beer kind again.
As I often do, I thought I'd flesh out this post by adding a few fun facts about where they came from, in this case the state of Maine. It's the most easternmost state, as well as the only one whose name is only one syllable. It's also the only state to share a border with only one other state. (Clearly Alaska and Hawaii don't border any other U.S. states, and all the other lower 48 contiguous states border at least 2 others.) Almost 90% of the nation's lobster is harvested off the coast of Maine. It also boasts some museums with unusual themes, such as ones about sardine history, telephones, cryptozoology, and umbrella covers.
Probably just about everyone knows that horror author Stephen King is from Maine, but there are some other famous Mainers. The first women's Olympic Marathon winner was Joan Benoit (later Joan Benoit Samuelson). Business magnate/boardgame manufacturer Milton Bradley (1836-1911) was also born in Maine. In the world of acting this state boasts Anna Kendrick, probably best known for roles in the "Twilight" series (2008-2011), the "Pitch Perfect" series (2012-2017), "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" (2010), and her Oscar nominated performance in "Up in the Air" (2009). Famous writer E.B. White (1899-1985) wasn't born in Maine, but he did live and die there. He's famous for his contributions to the "New Yorker" magazine and for writing the children's classic "Stuart Little" (1946) and "Charlotte's Web" (1952).
Another famous Mainer was Dorothea Dix (1802-1887), who was the Superintendent of Army Nurses during the Civil War, and a mental health advocate. Turning to politics, we have Hannibal Hamlin (1809-1891), who was a Congressman, Senator, Governor, Ambassador (to Spain), and the Vice President during Abraham Lincoln's first term. Melville Fuller (1933-1910) was the 8th Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, from 1888-1910. And finally there's Margaret Chase Smith (1897-1995), who was the first woman to serve in both the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives, and was also one of the few to stand up to Joseph McCarthy's cruel insanity during the Red Scare in the 1950's.
Shipyard Brewing, as the name suggests, is primarily a producer of beer. Founded in 1994, it's currently the fourth largest microbrewery in New England, after the Boston Beer Company, Harpoon, and Magic Hat. Its beers are available in 40 states. Shipyard's owners are Fred Forsley and Alan Pugsley. Pugsley is the master brewer, while Forsley seems to the driving force behind the soft drink line. Shipyard also owns Sea Dog Brewing and Casco Bay Brewing, and produces beer under contract for Gritty McDuffies's Brewing Co. Some of the brewery's more exotic offerings include Fireberry, Maui Mango, a Coffee Porter, Melon, and Monkey Fist IPA (which, somewhat disappointingly, is not flavored with actual monkey parts). As far as I can recall, I've only sampled two of Shipyard's beers--their Pumpkinhead and their discontinued Gingerbreadhead. (The Pumpkinhead I found to be an average, kind of bland and inoffensive, but drinkable pumpkin beer, while the Gingerbreadhead was an odd flavor, but kind of good.)
The Capt'n Eli's brand in a way dates back to the 1920's, when one of Forsley's ancestors made a home made root beer. It's been made and sold since 1996. Apart from the five I'll talk about below there's three other flavors--root beer, cola, and strawberry pop. The makers are proud to note that they use cane and brown sugar for sweetening, and not high fructose corn syrup. They're also free of caffeine and gluten. (They're presumably vegan, too, but I didn't see this listed.) The official website has one unusual feature, in their store section. Aside from the usual branded glassware they sell a comic book line. These are about the undersea adventures of Capt'n Eli, and also a character called Sea Ghost.
1) Capt'n Eli's black cherry pop flavor. Came in a 12 ounce (355 ml.) glass bottle, as did all the other flavors. Pinkish-red color, caused by beet and grape juice additives. Solid overall--not awesome, is a tad thin. So just okay.
2) Capt'n Eli's blueberry pop flavor. Similar color, since it's a purplish red hue. Again is alright, but doesn't have a particularly strong flavor. Maybe a bit weaker overall than the black cherry kind.
3) Capt'n Eli's orange pop flavor. Yellow color. Hate to be a broken record, but it was about the same as the previous--average, but not a very strong, distinctive taste. Solid but nothing more.
4) Capt'n Eli's cream flavor. Champagne hue. Has a sweet, almost bubble-gum like taste. Better than the first three, but still just good.
5) Capt'n Eli's ginger beer. Best of the bunch. Very good, but not excellent, though. If it had a slightly more intense ginger bite it would be great.
So as you can see I wasn't exactly blown away by Capt'n Eli's sodas, and I tried most of them. I think I'd only buy the ginger beer kind again.
As I often do, I thought I'd flesh out this post by adding a few fun facts about where they came from, in this case the state of Maine. It's the most easternmost state, as well as the only one whose name is only one syllable. It's also the only state to share a border with only one other state. (Clearly Alaska and Hawaii don't border any other U.S. states, and all the other lower 48 contiguous states border at least 2 others.) Almost 90% of the nation's lobster is harvested off the coast of Maine. It also boasts some museums with unusual themes, such as ones about sardine history, telephones, cryptozoology, and umbrella covers.
Probably just about everyone knows that horror author Stephen King is from Maine, but there are some other famous Mainers. The first women's Olympic Marathon winner was Joan Benoit (later Joan Benoit Samuelson). Business magnate/boardgame manufacturer Milton Bradley (1836-1911) was also born in Maine. In the world of acting this state boasts Anna Kendrick, probably best known for roles in the "Twilight" series (2008-2011), the "Pitch Perfect" series (2012-2017), "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World" (2010), and her Oscar nominated performance in "Up in the Air" (2009). Famous writer E.B. White (1899-1985) wasn't born in Maine, but he did live and die there. He's famous for his contributions to the "New Yorker" magazine and for writing the children's classic "Stuart Little" (1946) and "Charlotte's Web" (1952).
Another famous Mainer was Dorothea Dix (1802-1887), who was the Superintendent of Army Nurses during the Civil War, and a mental health advocate. Turning to politics, we have Hannibal Hamlin (1809-1891), who was a Congressman, Senator, Governor, Ambassador (to Spain), and the Vice President during Abraham Lincoln's first term. Melville Fuller (1933-1910) was the 8th Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, from 1888-1910. And finally there's Margaret Chase Smith (1897-1995), who was the first woman to serve in both the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives, and was also one of the few to stand up to Joseph McCarthy's cruel insanity during the Red Scare in the 1950's.
Saturday, December 8, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Eels
Recently I saw some canned eels for sale in a Wegman's near Rochester, and picked them up. I've been eating eels for years, so I assumed I'd already done a post about them. However, I haven't, so here we are.
Eels are actually a type of fish. Which seems odd, as they don't resemble a typical fish in a lot of ways. But they're just a variant of fish with elongated bodies, and no pelvic fins, and sometimes no pectoral fins. "Eel" is kind of a catch all term for various other long, snake-like aquatic creatures which aren't true eels, such as the electric eels, and deep sea spiny eels. Real eels adult body lengths range from a small of 5 cm. (about 2 inches) to a large of 4 meters (about 13 feet). Weight-wise, the largest eels can be up to 110 kilos (240 pounds). Their life cycle has only been fully understood fairly recently. For much of recorded history, there were many theories about how they reproduced, some pretty strange. For example, in ancient times some noted naturalists thought they came from worms made of mud, or sprang up from dew that formed in May and June, or propagated by rubbing against rocks. Their reproductive organs weren't even conclusively discovered until 1897! Anyway, some of them are like salmon in reverse, in that they begin their lives in the ocean, move into fresh water rivers and lakes, and then return to the ocean to spawn. Others spend their entire lives in the ocean. Whatever kind of water they live in, they tend to like shallow water, and often burrow in rocks and sand. Unlike many species of fish, they are capable of swimming backwards.
Most of the eels I've eaten were at Japanese and Chinese restaurants, as sushi. As far as I can recall, I've only had the freshwater kind, called "unagi," and not the salt water "anago." Unagi is simply delicious. It's a cooked sushi, and appears mostly brownish. I essentially like eating every kind of water-dwelling creature, but even with that in mind unagi is one of the best ones. It's not just me, either--of my sushi-eating friends it's one of the most popular kinds as well. But the recent canned variety I got was different. This was from a Taiwanese company called Tong Yeng. These eels were listed as being conger eels, which means they were probably a species of salt water eels, one of the larger kinds. They weren't as good as the fresh water eels. They had an odd sweetish flavor to them, which may have been from the spices and/or soy sauce they were packed in. They weren't terrible, and I could finish them, but they were a huge disappointment when compared to the unagi. Of course, to be fair, canned foods are almost always inferior to fresh ones, so that was surely a contributer, too. I wasn't able to find out much of anything about the Tong Yeng company, except that they've been around since 1954, and produce various sorts of canned and cured fish and seafood.
One final interesting thing about eels is that their blood is toxic to humans, and many other mammals. But only in a limited way. Cooking destroys the toxic protein, as does the normal digestive process. (As I said, unagi is cooked, and I think most salt water eel is as well, which might be just to be safe about the toxin, and possible parasites, and/or for better flavor.) So it would appear that the only way you could poison yourself with the blood is if your tattoo artist doesn't properly sterilize their equipment after decorating an eel customer before you. Or, more disturbingly, if you and an eel friend share needles while injecting heroin.
But seriously, unagi eel is awesome, and I couldn't recommend it more. And maybe salt water eel is good, too, if fresh and prepared in the right way. Although many species of eel are endangered, some critically, so I guess I'll immediately contradict myself to say maybe we should eat less of them.
Eels are actually a type of fish. Which seems odd, as they don't resemble a typical fish in a lot of ways. But they're just a variant of fish with elongated bodies, and no pelvic fins, and sometimes no pectoral fins. "Eel" is kind of a catch all term for various other long, snake-like aquatic creatures which aren't true eels, such as the electric eels, and deep sea spiny eels. Real eels adult body lengths range from a small of 5 cm. (about 2 inches) to a large of 4 meters (about 13 feet). Weight-wise, the largest eels can be up to 110 kilos (240 pounds). Their life cycle has only been fully understood fairly recently. For much of recorded history, there were many theories about how they reproduced, some pretty strange. For example, in ancient times some noted naturalists thought they came from worms made of mud, or sprang up from dew that formed in May and June, or propagated by rubbing against rocks. Their reproductive organs weren't even conclusively discovered until 1897! Anyway, some of them are like salmon in reverse, in that they begin their lives in the ocean, move into fresh water rivers and lakes, and then return to the ocean to spawn. Others spend their entire lives in the ocean. Whatever kind of water they live in, they tend to like shallow water, and often burrow in rocks and sand. Unlike many species of fish, they are capable of swimming backwards.
Most of the eels I've eaten were at Japanese and Chinese restaurants, as sushi. As far as I can recall, I've only had the freshwater kind, called "unagi," and not the salt water "anago." Unagi is simply delicious. It's a cooked sushi, and appears mostly brownish. I essentially like eating every kind of water-dwelling creature, but even with that in mind unagi is one of the best ones. It's not just me, either--of my sushi-eating friends it's one of the most popular kinds as well. But the recent canned variety I got was different. This was from a Taiwanese company called Tong Yeng. These eels were listed as being conger eels, which means they were probably a species of salt water eels, one of the larger kinds. They weren't as good as the fresh water eels. They had an odd sweetish flavor to them, which may have been from the spices and/or soy sauce they were packed in. They weren't terrible, and I could finish them, but they were a huge disappointment when compared to the unagi. Of course, to be fair, canned foods are almost always inferior to fresh ones, so that was surely a contributer, too. I wasn't able to find out much of anything about the Tong Yeng company, except that they've been around since 1954, and produce various sorts of canned and cured fish and seafood.
One final interesting thing about eels is that their blood is toxic to humans, and many other mammals. But only in a limited way. Cooking destroys the toxic protein, as does the normal digestive process. (As I said, unagi is cooked, and I think most salt water eel is as well, which might be just to be safe about the toxin, and possible parasites, and/or for better flavor.) So it would appear that the only way you could poison yourself with the blood is if your tattoo artist doesn't properly sterilize their equipment after decorating an eel customer before you. Or, more disturbingly, if you and an eel friend share needles while injecting heroin.
But seriously, unagi eel is awesome, and I couldn't recommend it more. And maybe salt water eel is good, too, if fresh and prepared in the right way. Although many species of eel are endangered, some critically, so I guess I'll immediately contradict myself to say maybe we should eat less of them.
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Moon Drop Grapes
A couple of months ago I got a surprise while looking at some fruit my parents had bought. They were grapes, but giant ones. And not just one freakishly large one mixed in with normal siblings, but the whole batch. So I was able to get an easy blog post topic completely unexpectedly, out of the blue.
Moon drop grapes are, as far as I can tell, only made by one company, which goes by the unimaginative, but apparently effective name of the Grapery. To give a brief background, the Grapery was started in Bakersfield, California in 1996. It was founded by Jack Pandol, a man whose family ran a vineyard, and who got his viticulture degree from the University of California--Davis. His co-owner is Jim Beagle, who has an agricultural degree, also from UC-Davis, and an MBA from Harvard. Evidently their main plan is to cultivate new varieties of grapes, and come up with new and sometimes elaborate names for them. For example, aside from moon drops, they sell grapes called cotton candy, gum drop, tear drop, flavor pop, sweet celebration, sweet surrender, autumn royal, sheegene 21, and sweet globe. Some of their cultivation secrets involve covering the grapes from excessive rain, so that they get more sun (which reportedly enables them to reach peak ripeness, and have the best flavor), and harvesting different fields of grapes at different times, instead of doing all of them at the same time. (I'm sure there are other strategies, too, but I guess they don't want to help out their competitors too much.) Their unusual shapes and flavors are natural, too, and not like the Grapples I discussed in my March 30, 2013 post about hybrid fruits and animals. Also, the Grapery does not use GMO's, and is into sustainable farming. But, they are not organic, if that's important to you.
Anyway, the moon drop grapes are big, as I mentioned. They average about 1.5 inches long (or about 4 cm.), and are a dark purplish/black color on the outside. They kind of look like mini-eggplants in shape and color. The interior flesh is green, with no seeds. The taste was good. But oddly disappointing, in that I don't know if I could tell them apart from regular sized purple grapes. (Or even green or red ones for that matter--I don't think my palate is that discerning when it comes to grapes.) I probably should have done a blind taste test, like I did with the sunrise raspberries versus regular raspberries (see June 24, 2017 post), but I didn't think of it at the time, and now it's too late. Yes, this whole post has been a tease, as the season for moon drops is August 20th--November 15th. So if you're interested in trying this variety, which looks like grapes on steroids, you'll have to wait about 8-9 months from now. Finally, just about every other kind of the Grapery's wares is also out of season now, too.
Despite my dismay that they didn't taste remarkably strange and different, I would eat these again. And I'll try some of the other kinds if I get the opportunity, especially the ones that supposedly taste like gum drops or cotton candy. I read how the original name for the tear drop grapes was "witch's fingers," but potential buyers thought this moniker was gross and off-putting. Personally, if the Grapery wants to entice consumers like me, I would love the more interesting, morbid title. (If you're wondering, the witch's finger/tear drop grapes are long like the moon drops, only with a tapering shape on one end, to sort of resemble fingers, with a little imagination.)
Moon drop grapes are, as far as I can tell, only made by one company, which goes by the unimaginative, but apparently effective name of the Grapery. To give a brief background, the Grapery was started in Bakersfield, California in 1996. It was founded by Jack Pandol, a man whose family ran a vineyard, and who got his viticulture degree from the University of California--Davis. His co-owner is Jim Beagle, who has an agricultural degree, also from UC-Davis, and an MBA from Harvard. Evidently their main plan is to cultivate new varieties of grapes, and come up with new and sometimes elaborate names for them. For example, aside from moon drops, they sell grapes called cotton candy, gum drop, tear drop, flavor pop, sweet celebration, sweet surrender, autumn royal, sheegene 21, and sweet globe. Some of their cultivation secrets involve covering the grapes from excessive rain, so that they get more sun (which reportedly enables them to reach peak ripeness, and have the best flavor), and harvesting different fields of grapes at different times, instead of doing all of them at the same time. (I'm sure there are other strategies, too, but I guess they don't want to help out their competitors too much.) Their unusual shapes and flavors are natural, too, and not like the Grapples I discussed in my March 30, 2013 post about hybrid fruits and animals. Also, the Grapery does not use GMO's, and is into sustainable farming. But, they are not organic, if that's important to you.
Anyway, the moon drop grapes are big, as I mentioned. They average about 1.5 inches long (or about 4 cm.), and are a dark purplish/black color on the outside. They kind of look like mini-eggplants in shape and color. The interior flesh is green, with no seeds. The taste was good. But oddly disappointing, in that I don't know if I could tell them apart from regular sized purple grapes. (Or even green or red ones for that matter--I don't think my palate is that discerning when it comes to grapes.) I probably should have done a blind taste test, like I did with the sunrise raspberries versus regular raspberries (see June 24, 2017 post), but I didn't think of it at the time, and now it's too late. Yes, this whole post has been a tease, as the season for moon drops is August 20th--November 15th. So if you're interested in trying this variety, which looks like grapes on steroids, you'll have to wait about 8-9 months from now. Finally, just about every other kind of the Grapery's wares is also out of season now, too.
Despite my dismay that they didn't taste remarkably strange and different, I would eat these again. And I'll try some of the other kinds if I get the opportunity, especially the ones that supposedly taste like gum drops or cotton candy. I read how the original name for the tear drop grapes was "witch's fingers," but potential buyers thought this moniker was gross and off-putting. Personally, if the Grapery wants to entice consumers like me, I would love the more interesting, morbid title. (If you're wondering, the witch's finger/tear drop grapes are long like the moon drops, only with a tapering shape on one end, to sort of resemble fingers, with a little imagination.)
Saturday, November 24, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Taiwanese Desserts
This one is slightly convoluted. The food I got was made in Taiwan, by a Taiwanese company (the Royal Family Food Corporation), but the type of food itself is Japanese in origin. Specifically, a type of rice cake called mochi. This is yet another find from the superlative Wegman's supermarket, in the Rochester, NY area.
Mochi is made from a kind of Japanese short grain, glutinous rice. This rice is pounded into a paste, and then molded into the desired shape. There is quite a variety of mochi types--some are more savory, some are more sweet, and some are even put into soups. The traditional method of making mochi is extremely labor intensive. Now, of course, machinery makes this process much quicker and easier. The exact origins of mochi are rather murky. The first recorded instances are from the Yayoi period, or 300 B.C. to 300 A.D. Mochi has also run the gamut in prestige. During its long history, it's been known as the "food of the gods," as a religious offering, part of the New Year celebration, and more recently, a good luck symbol for weddings. The type of mochi I tried appears to be daifuku, which is a soft, round, variant with a sweet filling, such as sweetened red bean paste. Other countries in the region have their own mochi-like dishes. For example, China, Korea, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Taiwan all make their own take on it.
As I learned from the company website, the Royal Family Food Corp. was founded in 1985, and incorporated in 1986, by a Mr. Huang Zhiming and his unnamed wife. Royal Family started as a meat company, but market decline after a few years led them to diversify in the early 1990's. At about this time the owners were dazzled by Japanese mochi, and went to Japan to learn about recent manufacturing techniques and machinery to make mochi. So, in 1992, with the help of these Japanese manufacturing innovations, Royal Family started making its own Japanese-style mochi. Currently they make many different flavors. Some of these include coconut, taro, sesame, peanut, red bean, pumpkin, brown sugar, peach, blueberry, sweet potato, strawberry, and even wormwood molasses (See October 18, 2015 post). Other products include pastries and egg rolls. The company now exports to 42 nations around the world.
1) Royal Family Food Corp. red bean mochi. Each individual mochi is about 3 cm. (about 1.25 inches) to a side, and is a rounded square shape. They came 6 to a box. They were whitish-yellow on the outside, with a red center, from the red bean filling, obviously. The texture of the outside was very soft, and the filling was jelly-like. The flavor wasn't that sweet, only slightly. But still good.
2) Royal Family Food Corp. taro mochi. Same size, number, and shape as the red bean kind. Color was light purplish-brown, with a brown center. Had a similar dense, filling texture, too. Also was only slightly sweet, yet oddly tasty. Weird flavor, but still good.
3) Royal Family Food Corp. peanut mochi. Same number in the box, size, and shape as its siblings. With its brown powdery exterior, it kind of reminded me of a chicken cutlet in appearance, with a brown center. My favorite of the bunch, which makes sense due to my love of peanut butter. Same heavy texture, and the flavor was once again a little strange, but still very positive.
Therefore, as you can tell, I was quite taken with Royal Family's mochis, and would certainly buy them again, or try alternate flavors if given the chance. I would also try other companies' versions of mochi, and other countries' variants. One note of caution, however. Over 100 people a year, mostly elderly folks, are hospitalized in Japan alone from accidentally choking on mochi. There are even unfortunate cases of people dying from suffocation from them. Which I can understand, given the treat's full, dense nature. There's even a warning on the Royal Family mochi boxes about this very thing. So enjoy your mochi, but do so carefully, using smaller bites, etc.
Mochi is made from a kind of Japanese short grain, glutinous rice. This rice is pounded into a paste, and then molded into the desired shape. There is quite a variety of mochi types--some are more savory, some are more sweet, and some are even put into soups. The traditional method of making mochi is extremely labor intensive. Now, of course, machinery makes this process much quicker and easier. The exact origins of mochi are rather murky. The first recorded instances are from the Yayoi period, or 300 B.C. to 300 A.D. Mochi has also run the gamut in prestige. During its long history, it's been known as the "food of the gods," as a religious offering, part of the New Year celebration, and more recently, a good luck symbol for weddings. The type of mochi I tried appears to be daifuku, which is a soft, round, variant with a sweet filling, such as sweetened red bean paste. Other countries in the region have their own mochi-like dishes. For example, China, Korea, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, and Taiwan all make their own take on it.
As I learned from the company website, the Royal Family Food Corp. was founded in 1985, and incorporated in 1986, by a Mr. Huang Zhiming and his unnamed wife. Royal Family started as a meat company, but market decline after a few years led them to diversify in the early 1990's. At about this time the owners were dazzled by Japanese mochi, and went to Japan to learn about recent manufacturing techniques and machinery to make mochi. So, in 1992, with the help of these Japanese manufacturing innovations, Royal Family started making its own Japanese-style mochi. Currently they make many different flavors. Some of these include coconut, taro, sesame, peanut, red bean, pumpkin, brown sugar, peach, blueberry, sweet potato, strawberry, and even wormwood molasses (See October 18, 2015 post). Other products include pastries and egg rolls. The company now exports to 42 nations around the world.
1) Royal Family Food Corp. red bean mochi. Each individual mochi is about 3 cm. (about 1.25 inches) to a side, and is a rounded square shape. They came 6 to a box. They were whitish-yellow on the outside, with a red center, from the red bean filling, obviously. The texture of the outside was very soft, and the filling was jelly-like. The flavor wasn't that sweet, only slightly. But still good.
2) Royal Family Food Corp. taro mochi. Same size, number, and shape as the red bean kind. Color was light purplish-brown, with a brown center. Had a similar dense, filling texture, too. Also was only slightly sweet, yet oddly tasty. Weird flavor, but still good.
3) Royal Family Food Corp. peanut mochi. Same number in the box, size, and shape as its siblings. With its brown powdery exterior, it kind of reminded me of a chicken cutlet in appearance, with a brown center. My favorite of the bunch, which makes sense due to my love of peanut butter. Same heavy texture, and the flavor was once again a little strange, but still very positive.
Therefore, as you can tell, I was quite taken with Royal Family's mochis, and would certainly buy them again, or try alternate flavors if given the chance. I would also try other companies' versions of mochi, and other countries' variants. One note of caution, however. Over 100 people a year, mostly elderly folks, are hospitalized in Japan alone from accidentally choking on mochi. There are even unfortunate cases of people dying from suffocation from them. Which I can understand, given the treat's full, dense nature. There's even a warning on the Royal Family mochi boxes about this very thing. So enjoy your mochi, but do so carefully, using smaller bites, etc.
Saturday, November 17, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--A Cameroonian Snack
I'm returning to Cameroon for this week's post. (Readers with good memories may recall that I did a post about Cameroonian soft drinks back on June 22, 2016.) This was a 12 ounce (340 gram) bottle of roasted corn and peanuts. Why a drink bottle was used instead of a jar, or can, is beyond me, but that's what it was. This snack was made and packed by God's Time FOB Leader Foods in Cameroon, and distributed by JKUB LLC International Foods.
I wasn't able to find out much about this particular snack type. Other than that it's evidently a common street food in Cameroon. It's also a good source of protein and dietary fiber, and has a bit of potassium. Some websites said that alternative names for this snack are guru-guru and krang krang. (The latter, in singular form, is apparently also a slang term for marijuana, and is the name of a supervillain in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe.)
Similarly, I wasn't able to learn much about the manufacturing or distribution companies. The oddly named God's Time FOB Leader Foods also makes cassava leaves, spices, sauces, yams, escargot, and fish. JKUB International Foods was founded in 2009 by a Ms. Ouadje, an ex-pat Cameroonian living in the Washington, D.C. area. It's devoted to importing African foods and beverages, especially Cameroonian ones. Other products handled include soft drinks, vegetables, oils, spices and condiments, meat and fish, tubers, starchy roots and fruit, legumes, sugars and syrups, and "miscellaneous."
The snack itself was as billed--dried roasted corn kernals and dried roasted peanuts, which still had their inner papery skins on them. I was unimpressed. I'm not big on corn in general, after a childhood incident wherein I vomited up corn and ham in a traumatic fashion. Even so, these pieces of corn were dry and mostly tasteless. I do love peanuts (or "groundnuts" as they're called in Cameroon), but this presentation was disappointing--they were bland and weak-tasting as well. I could only manage to eat maybe a fifth of the bottle before I gave up.
I'll end by discussing some famous Cameroonians. First off, there's Roman Oben, who played offensive tackle in the NFL from 1996-2007, with the New York Giants, Cleveland Browns, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and San Diego Chargers. He was a member of the Buccaneers Super Bowl 37 winning squad. Controversial nose tackle Ndamukang Suh currently plays with the Los Angeles Rams, and formerly played with the Detroit Lions and Miami Dolphins, starting in 2010. Suh has been named to 5 Pro Bowls and 3 All Pro teams, and was also the Defensive Rookie of the Year. (And yes, he's also been fined many times, and suspended once, for on the field disciplinary infractions.) Suh was born in the U.S., but is of Cameroonian heritage.
At least 3 guys with Cameroonian ancestry have played in the NBA. Joakim Noah played as a center from 2007-18, with the Chicago Bulls and New York Knicks. He was named to 2 All Star teams, and was a Defensive Player of the Year. His father, Yannick, was a pro tennis player, who won 23 singles titles (including a Grand Slam event), and a Grand Slam doubles title. Luc Richard Mbah a Moute currently plays power foward/small forward with the Los Angeles Clippers, and he's also played with the Milwaukee Bucks, Sacramento Kings, Minnesota Timberwolves, Philadelphia 76ers, and the Houston Rockets. My 76ers currently start center Joel Embiid, who was the 3rd pick in the 2014 draft, and was an All Star in 2018.
Several entertainers have Cameroonian ancestry, too. Some of them only learned this based on results of DNA testing. Yaphet Kotto is an actor, probably best known for roles in "Alien" (1979), "The Running Man" (1987), and "Midnight Run" (1988). Chris Rock is best known for his stand up comedy, and he's won 3 Grammys and 4 Emmys. He's also acted in such films as "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" (1988), "New Jack City" (1991), "Dogma" (1999), and the "Madagascar" series. Chris Tucker is also an actor, probably best known for roles in movies like "Friday" (1995), "Dead Presidents" (1995), "The Fifth Element" (1997), the "Rush Hour" series, and "Silver Linings Playbook" (2012). Blair Underwood has acted in such movies as "Krush Groove" (1985), "Just Cause" (1995), and "Gattaca" (1997), and was a regular on the television series "L.A. Law" (1987-96). Jessica Williams is best known for being a correspondent on "The Daily Show," but she also acts in the just released "Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald" and hosts a podcast, "2 Dope Queens."
And finally, in the world of politics, Condoleezza Rice was the U.S. Secretary of State from 2005-09.
I wasn't able to find out much about this particular snack type. Other than that it's evidently a common street food in Cameroon. It's also a good source of protein and dietary fiber, and has a bit of potassium. Some websites said that alternative names for this snack are guru-guru and krang krang. (The latter, in singular form, is apparently also a slang term for marijuana, and is the name of a supervillain in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe.)
Similarly, I wasn't able to learn much about the manufacturing or distribution companies. The oddly named God's Time FOB Leader Foods also makes cassava leaves, spices, sauces, yams, escargot, and fish. JKUB International Foods was founded in 2009 by a Ms. Ouadje, an ex-pat Cameroonian living in the Washington, D.C. area. It's devoted to importing African foods and beverages, especially Cameroonian ones. Other products handled include soft drinks, vegetables, oils, spices and condiments, meat and fish, tubers, starchy roots and fruit, legumes, sugars and syrups, and "miscellaneous."
The snack itself was as billed--dried roasted corn kernals and dried roasted peanuts, which still had their inner papery skins on them. I was unimpressed. I'm not big on corn in general, after a childhood incident wherein I vomited up corn and ham in a traumatic fashion. Even so, these pieces of corn were dry and mostly tasteless. I do love peanuts (or "groundnuts" as they're called in Cameroon), but this presentation was disappointing--they were bland and weak-tasting as well. I could only manage to eat maybe a fifth of the bottle before I gave up.
I'll end by discussing some famous Cameroonians. First off, there's Roman Oben, who played offensive tackle in the NFL from 1996-2007, with the New York Giants, Cleveland Browns, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and San Diego Chargers. He was a member of the Buccaneers Super Bowl 37 winning squad. Controversial nose tackle Ndamukang Suh currently plays with the Los Angeles Rams, and formerly played with the Detroit Lions and Miami Dolphins, starting in 2010. Suh has been named to 5 Pro Bowls and 3 All Pro teams, and was also the Defensive Rookie of the Year. (And yes, he's also been fined many times, and suspended once, for on the field disciplinary infractions.) Suh was born in the U.S., but is of Cameroonian heritage.
At least 3 guys with Cameroonian ancestry have played in the NBA. Joakim Noah played as a center from 2007-18, with the Chicago Bulls and New York Knicks. He was named to 2 All Star teams, and was a Defensive Player of the Year. His father, Yannick, was a pro tennis player, who won 23 singles titles (including a Grand Slam event), and a Grand Slam doubles title. Luc Richard Mbah a Moute currently plays power foward/small forward with the Los Angeles Clippers, and he's also played with the Milwaukee Bucks, Sacramento Kings, Minnesota Timberwolves, Philadelphia 76ers, and the Houston Rockets. My 76ers currently start center Joel Embiid, who was the 3rd pick in the 2014 draft, and was an All Star in 2018.
Several entertainers have Cameroonian ancestry, too. Some of them only learned this based on results of DNA testing. Yaphet Kotto is an actor, probably best known for roles in "Alien" (1979), "The Running Man" (1987), and "Midnight Run" (1988). Chris Rock is best known for his stand up comedy, and he's won 3 Grammys and 4 Emmys. He's also acted in such films as "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" (1988), "New Jack City" (1991), "Dogma" (1999), and the "Madagascar" series. Chris Tucker is also an actor, probably best known for roles in movies like "Friday" (1995), "Dead Presidents" (1995), "The Fifth Element" (1997), the "Rush Hour" series, and "Silver Linings Playbook" (2012). Blair Underwood has acted in such movies as "Krush Groove" (1985), "Just Cause" (1995), and "Gattaca" (1997), and was a regular on the television series "L.A. Law" (1987-96). Jessica Williams is best known for being a correspondent on "The Daily Show," but she also acts in the just released "Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald" and hosts a podcast, "2 Dope Queens."
And finally, in the world of politics, Condoleezza Rice was the U.S. Secretary of State from 2005-09.
Saturday, November 10, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Maqui Berries
So a couple of weeks ago I was in a Wegman's supermarket near Rochester, NY, when I saw something new. They were fruit smoothies in a pouch, from a company called Noka. Most of them were fruit combos that I've had before, but one caught my eye. The blueberry/beet flavor also contained something called maqui berry. The label mentioned it was a superfood, and that it had crazy amounts of antioxidants, four times more than blueberries, even. Therefore I got one to see what the fuss was all about.
Maqui berries are native to parts of Southern South America, in Chile and Argentina. Which is why an alternate name for this fruit is Chilean wineberry. The local American Indian tribe, the Mapuche, has reportedly been eating maquis for thousands of years. (I know that's awfully vague, but it's the best that I could learn.) Maquis are consumed in berry form, as a dried powder, and as a juice. (And I didn't see this listed specifically, but from the alternate name, maybe they're fermented into wine, too.) From what I read, they're not technically farmed, either--they're so ubiquitous in the Chilean/Argentinian countryside, that people just gather them up, and don't need to plant and cultivate them. In recent years they've become known away from Chile and Argentina, and are now grown in other areas with suitably similar climates and soil.
I'm used to seeing incredibly detailed, very optimistic healthy claims about the "superfoods" I've consumed over the years, but maquis may well take the cake, to use a non-healthy food-related expression. Here's a list of the benefits that maqui berries are supposed to provide: helping in weight loss, combating fatigue, battling heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, arthritis, high cholesterol, dry eyes, skin problems, leukemia, viruses, digestion problems, and kidney issues. Oh, and they're supposed to aid the immune system, boost the metabolism, and provide better general health and wellness. And probably other things--I stopped consulting websites after a while. But regular readers will see where this is going. One site did mention the key, important statement--"large scale clinical trials are needed to confirm these claims." As with all the so-called "superfoods," maquis are surely good for you, but it seems unlikely that they're the miracle, magic substance that some folks think they are. (Of course, if extensive scientific testing does indeed confirm all these claims, I'll happily eat both my words, and more maquis to treat and cure all potential diseases and conditions.)
The website for the California-based Noka company was one of the tersest I've ever seen. They essentially just showed their product line. Other flavors of their smoothies include cherry/acai, blackberry/vanilla, strawberry/pineapple, sweet potato/goji, and mango/coconut. Also, another website mentioned that blueberries have slightly more antioxidants than do maquis (instead of maquis having 4 times the amount of blueberries, as Noka claimed), so somebody's mistaken, or lying.
Noka blueberry/beet flavor superfood blend organic smooothie. Aside from blueberry, beet, and maqui, this product included banana, apple, flax seed, brown rice protein, and lemon juice concentrate. Came in a 4.22 ounce (120 gram) pouch. It was a thick brown liquid. Had a distinct fruit/banana-y odor. Tastes like a fruit smoothie. I couldn't pick out individual fruit flavors, really. Kind of sweet and tart at the same time. Okay, but not great.
I realize this one was a bit of a stretch for maqui berry, since it wasn't really a fair trial of the food. The smoothie I tried was chock full of other fruit juices, and other vegetables, so I couldn't pick out the actual maqui berry flavor. But, to be frank, it's sometimes tough to come up with 2-4 of these exotic/disgusting foods and beverages every month, so I hope readers can cut me a little slack. And obviously if I can locate actual maqui berries on sale, or just pure maqui powder or juice, I'll come back and edit this post.
Maqui berries are native to parts of Southern South America, in Chile and Argentina. Which is why an alternate name for this fruit is Chilean wineberry. The local American Indian tribe, the Mapuche, has reportedly been eating maquis for thousands of years. (I know that's awfully vague, but it's the best that I could learn.) Maquis are consumed in berry form, as a dried powder, and as a juice. (And I didn't see this listed specifically, but from the alternate name, maybe they're fermented into wine, too.) From what I read, they're not technically farmed, either--they're so ubiquitous in the Chilean/Argentinian countryside, that people just gather them up, and don't need to plant and cultivate them. In recent years they've become known away from Chile and Argentina, and are now grown in other areas with suitably similar climates and soil.
I'm used to seeing incredibly detailed, very optimistic healthy claims about the "superfoods" I've consumed over the years, but maquis may well take the cake, to use a non-healthy food-related expression. Here's a list of the benefits that maqui berries are supposed to provide: helping in weight loss, combating fatigue, battling heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, arthritis, high cholesterol, dry eyes, skin problems, leukemia, viruses, digestion problems, and kidney issues. Oh, and they're supposed to aid the immune system, boost the metabolism, and provide better general health and wellness. And probably other things--I stopped consulting websites after a while. But regular readers will see where this is going. One site did mention the key, important statement--"large scale clinical trials are needed to confirm these claims." As with all the so-called "superfoods," maquis are surely good for you, but it seems unlikely that they're the miracle, magic substance that some folks think they are. (Of course, if extensive scientific testing does indeed confirm all these claims, I'll happily eat both my words, and more maquis to treat and cure all potential diseases and conditions.)
The website for the California-based Noka company was one of the tersest I've ever seen. They essentially just showed their product line. Other flavors of their smoothies include cherry/acai, blackberry/vanilla, strawberry/pineapple, sweet potato/goji, and mango/coconut. Also, another website mentioned that blueberries have slightly more antioxidants than do maquis (instead of maquis having 4 times the amount of blueberries, as Noka claimed), so somebody's mistaken, or lying.
Noka blueberry/beet flavor superfood blend organic smooothie. Aside from blueberry, beet, and maqui, this product included banana, apple, flax seed, brown rice protein, and lemon juice concentrate. Came in a 4.22 ounce (120 gram) pouch. It was a thick brown liquid. Had a distinct fruit/banana-y odor. Tastes like a fruit smoothie. I couldn't pick out individual fruit flavors, really. Kind of sweet and tart at the same time. Okay, but not great.
I realize this one was a bit of a stretch for maqui berry, since it wasn't really a fair trial of the food. The smoothie I tried was chock full of other fruit juices, and other vegetables, so I couldn't pick out the actual maqui berry flavor. But, to be frank, it's sometimes tough to come up with 2-4 of these exotic/disgusting foods and beverages every month, so I hope readers can cut me a little slack. And obviously if I can locate actual maqui berries on sale, or just pure maqui powder or juice, I'll come back and edit this post.
Saturday, November 3, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Finnish Crispbread
I had never heard of crispbread before a couple of weeks ago. Which makes sense, since it seems to mainly be a Scandinavian/Nordic countries thing. Crispbread apparently dates back to Sweden in about 500 A.D. Although the date for "traditional crispbread" is said to be about 1500 A.D., so evidently there was a lot of unofficial, non-traditional crispbread, or pseudo-crispbread, being made for a millennium. By the 1800's it was being made in Finland as well.
Crispbread is a thin, dry kind of bread. So thin and dry that it's more like a cracker than a piece of bread. Traditionally it was made from rye flour, salt, and water. It was made twice a year--in autumn, following the harvest, and then again in the spring after frozen rivers and lakes melted. Crispbread is very useful in part because it's stored easily, and keeps very well. The typical manner was to make the pieces of it in doughnut-like shapes--round, with a hole in the middle. That way the crispbread discs could be put on long sticks, and stored underneath the roof. (I guess being hung in this way deterred mice and rats from getting to them.) At some point in history it was reportedly considered a food of the poor. However, it seems to have made a resurgence, and not have that negative stigma anymore.
The crispbreads I bought were Finn Crisps. I purchased two kinds--the original flavor, which is sourdough rye, and the caraway thin rye (also made with sourdough). The makers are the Vaasan Group, out of the Finland town of Vaasa. Vaasan Group started out in 1849 as a steam mill, which processed rye flour for bread makers. By 1904 the company began making their own crispbread. In 1952, to mark the Summer Olympic Games, being held in Finland's capital city, Helsinki, Vaasan rolled out Finn Crisps. Their original flavor became their flagship brand. By 2015 Vaasan was the number one manufacturer of thin crispbread in the world, and exported to 40 markets around the globe. (I don't know if this means 40 separate countries--the website didn't explain.) In 2016 the company joined the large Lantmannen company. Lantmannen is a large multinational company which operates out of Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark, and Ukraine. Lantmannen is very diverse, as it's other activities include an agricultural sector, a machinery sector, an energy sector, and real estate. As for their edibles they also make flour, muesli, pasta, pancakes, meats, green food, and drinks. There are also many different kinds of Finn Crisps. Some of the alternate flavors include coriander rye, garlic & herb, 5 whole grain, tomato & rosemary, and sesame.
1) Finn Crisps, original sour dough rye flavor. These were brown rectangles about 12 cm. by 4 cm. (or about 5 inches by 2 inches), with a white dusting, presumably of herbs. And very thin, of course. They tasted crunchy, rye-y, and kind of plain. I was staying in a hotel without any semblance of a kitchen, so the condiments I tried on the crisps were only ketchup and Taco Bell hot sauce. They were definitely tastier with both of these, especially the latter.
2) Finn Crisps, caraway thin rye flavor. These were the same size, and color. And the taste was also very similar. And once again the ketchup and Taco Bell sauce helped things out. As with the original kind these were alright overall, but not great or anything.
However, it must be admitted that I didn't eat these as intended. I should have bought some other spreads, or cheeses, or lunch meat, or just about anything else. It was like I got a box of plain saltine crackers and basically ate them out of the box. As I mentioned, they were okay plain, or with my simple condiments, but I'm betting they're much better with more complicated toppings. A recipe on the website showed a Finn Crisp open face sandwich, essentially, made with smoked salmon, cream cheese, dill, spinach, radish, and onion. It looked pretty delicious to me. So I'll try to eat these right if/when I get the chance. Probably the next time I'm in an area with both a high population of Nordic/Scandinavian ancestry and a grocery store with a decent selection.
Crispbread is a thin, dry kind of bread. So thin and dry that it's more like a cracker than a piece of bread. Traditionally it was made from rye flour, salt, and water. It was made twice a year--in autumn, following the harvest, and then again in the spring after frozen rivers and lakes melted. Crispbread is very useful in part because it's stored easily, and keeps very well. The typical manner was to make the pieces of it in doughnut-like shapes--round, with a hole in the middle. That way the crispbread discs could be put on long sticks, and stored underneath the roof. (I guess being hung in this way deterred mice and rats from getting to them.) At some point in history it was reportedly considered a food of the poor. However, it seems to have made a resurgence, and not have that negative stigma anymore.
The crispbreads I bought were Finn Crisps. I purchased two kinds--the original flavor, which is sourdough rye, and the caraway thin rye (also made with sourdough). The makers are the Vaasan Group, out of the Finland town of Vaasa. Vaasan Group started out in 1849 as a steam mill, which processed rye flour for bread makers. By 1904 the company began making their own crispbread. In 1952, to mark the Summer Olympic Games, being held in Finland's capital city, Helsinki, Vaasan rolled out Finn Crisps. Their original flavor became their flagship brand. By 2015 Vaasan was the number one manufacturer of thin crispbread in the world, and exported to 40 markets around the globe. (I don't know if this means 40 separate countries--the website didn't explain.) In 2016 the company joined the large Lantmannen company. Lantmannen is a large multinational company which operates out of Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark, and Ukraine. Lantmannen is very diverse, as it's other activities include an agricultural sector, a machinery sector, an energy sector, and real estate. As for their edibles they also make flour, muesli, pasta, pancakes, meats, green food, and drinks. There are also many different kinds of Finn Crisps. Some of the alternate flavors include coriander rye, garlic & herb, 5 whole grain, tomato & rosemary, and sesame.
1) Finn Crisps, original sour dough rye flavor. These were brown rectangles about 12 cm. by 4 cm. (or about 5 inches by 2 inches), with a white dusting, presumably of herbs. And very thin, of course. They tasted crunchy, rye-y, and kind of plain. I was staying in a hotel without any semblance of a kitchen, so the condiments I tried on the crisps were only ketchup and Taco Bell hot sauce. They were definitely tastier with both of these, especially the latter.
2) Finn Crisps, caraway thin rye flavor. These were the same size, and color. And the taste was also very similar. And once again the ketchup and Taco Bell sauce helped things out. As with the original kind these were alright overall, but not great or anything.
However, it must be admitted that I didn't eat these as intended. I should have bought some other spreads, or cheeses, or lunch meat, or just about anything else. It was like I got a box of plain saltine crackers and basically ate them out of the box. As I mentioned, they were okay plain, or with my simple condiments, but I'm betting they're much better with more complicated toppings. A recipe on the website showed a Finn Crisp open face sandwich, essentially, made with smoked salmon, cream cheese, dill, spinach, radish, and onion. It looked pretty delicious to me. So I'll try to eat these right if/when I get the chance. Probably the next time I'm in an area with both a high population of Nordic/Scandinavian ancestry and a grocery store with a decent selection.
Saturday, October 27, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Ovaltine Cookies
"Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine. That's gold, Jerry, gold!"
Well, I'm going to ruin Jerry Seinfeld's joke, that delighted hack comedian Kenny Bania so much. The original name for the product was Ovomaltine, from the Latin words for "egg" and "malt," which were two of the substance's main ingredients. However, Ovomaltine was misspelled on some trademark registration papers, meaning in English-speaking countries its name is Ovaltine.
Whatever you call it, this product was developed by a chemist, Dr. Georg Walder, and his son Albert in Bern, Switzerland, back in 1904. Ovomaltine/Ovaltine is a powder that's mixed in with hot or cold milk, to make a quasi-milkshake. It was quite a hit, as it was being exported to England by 1909, and by 1915 it was being manufactured in the U.S. It's enjoyed pretty much around the world. Some of its more favored homes, besides the places already mentioned, are Brazil, China, Thailand, Australia, Hong Kong, and Japan.
Ovaltine was marketed as a nutritional, energy drink. Olympic athletes guzzled it down in 1932. During Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay's initial 1953 ascent of Mt. Everest, Ovaltine was in their packs. I think it's a bit of stretch to call it a health beverage, but it does lack fat, and has Vitamin B6, iron, Vitamin D, and calcium (the milk also provides/augments some of these nutrients, obviously).
The maker of Ovaltine/Ovomaltine is complicated. After several acquisitions over the years, the Ovaltine trademark is currently owned by Associated British Foods, although it's made by Walder AG, which in turn is a subsidiary of Twinings. To add to the fun, in the U.S. Ovaltine is owned by Nestle. Both of these current manufacturers bought the rights from Novartis, and the Himmel Group owned it for a time in the 1990's. Confused yet? I sure am. For one final convoluted item, the cookies I got were made in Jamaica, by International Biscuits Ltd. out of Kingston. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, Ovaltine also makes chocolate bars, Easter Eggs, cereals, and cookies/biscuits.
Anyway, here's what I thought: These were rectangular in shape, about 5 cm. by 4 cm (about 2 inches by 1.5 inches), light brown in color, with "Ovaltine" and a star symbol embossed on them. The main ingredients included wheat flour, Ovaltine malt drink mix, milk powder, reduced cocoa, sugar, salt, and corn syrup. The taste was pretty solid. Not spectacular, but good. I didn't detect much chocolate, though. They weren't that sweet, but they were still a decent cookie. I've never actually had Ovaltine that I can recall, but these cookies were alright.
Finally, mention Ovaltine to many people, and their first thought will be the scene in the popular holiday movie "A Christmas Story" (1983), wherein the young Ralphie decodes a "Little Orphan Annie" secret message from the radio show, only to discover it's a "crummy commercial" for Ovaltine. While it is a funny moment, this is actually a fabrication. While Ovaltine was a sponsor for the radio show, and advertisements for it ran before and after the program, the secret messages were previews for the following shows' plots. Also, yet another Ovaltine reference in popular culture came in 1974's "Young Frankenstein," as it's one of a long series of after dinner beverages that Frau Blucher offers Dr. Frankenstein.
Therefore, I'll conclude by advising: Be sure to eat your Ovaltine.
Well, I'm going to ruin Jerry Seinfeld's joke, that delighted hack comedian Kenny Bania so much. The original name for the product was Ovomaltine, from the Latin words for "egg" and "malt," which were two of the substance's main ingredients. However, Ovomaltine was misspelled on some trademark registration papers, meaning in English-speaking countries its name is Ovaltine.
Whatever you call it, this product was developed by a chemist, Dr. Georg Walder, and his son Albert in Bern, Switzerland, back in 1904. Ovomaltine/Ovaltine is a powder that's mixed in with hot or cold milk, to make a quasi-milkshake. It was quite a hit, as it was being exported to England by 1909, and by 1915 it was being manufactured in the U.S. It's enjoyed pretty much around the world. Some of its more favored homes, besides the places already mentioned, are Brazil, China, Thailand, Australia, Hong Kong, and Japan.
Ovaltine was marketed as a nutritional, energy drink. Olympic athletes guzzled it down in 1932. During Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay's initial 1953 ascent of Mt. Everest, Ovaltine was in their packs. I think it's a bit of stretch to call it a health beverage, but it does lack fat, and has Vitamin B6, iron, Vitamin D, and calcium (the milk also provides/augments some of these nutrients, obviously).
The maker of Ovaltine/Ovomaltine is complicated. After several acquisitions over the years, the Ovaltine trademark is currently owned by Associated British Foods, although it's made by Walder AG, which in turn is a subsidiary of Twinings. To add to the fun, in the U.S. Ovaltine is owned by Nestle. Both of these current manufacturers bought the rights from Novartis, and the Himmel Group owned it for a time in the 1990's. Confused yet? I sure am. For one final convoluted item, the cookies I got were made in Jamaica, by International Biscuits Ltd. out of Kingston. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, Ovaltine also makes chocolate bars, Easter Eggs, cereals, and cookies/biscuits.
Anyway, here's what I thought: These were rectangular in shape, about 5 cm. by 4 cm (about 2 inches by 1.5 inches), light brown in color, with "Ovaltine" and a star symbol embossed on them. The main ingredients included wheat flour, Ovaltine malt drink mix, milk powder, reduced cocoa, sugar, salt, and corn syrup. The taste was pretty solid. Not spectacular, but good. I didn't detect much chocolate, though. They weren't that sweet, but they were still a decent cookie. I've never actually had Ovaltine that I can recall, but these cookies were alright.
Finally, mention Ovaltine to many people, and their first thought will be the scene in the popular holiday movie "A Christmas Story" (1983), wherein the young Ralphie decodes a "Little Orphan Annie" secret message from the radio show, only to discover it's a "crummy commercial" for Ovaltine. While it is a funny moment, this is actually a fabrication. While Ovaltine was a sponsor for the radio show, and advertisements for it ran before and after the program, the secret messages were previews for the following shows' plots. Also, yet another Ovaltine reference in popular culture came in 1974's "Young Frankenstein," as it's one of a long series of after dinner beverages that Frau Blucher offers Dr. Frankenstein.
Therefore, I'll conclude by advising: Be sure to eat your Ovaltine.
Saturday, October 20, 2018
The Most Overrated Horror Movies
Regular readers may recall that several times a year I do posts about horror/sci fi movies that I feel haven't gotten the attention they deserve, or are underrated. Today I thought I'd go negative, and focus on on the opposite. Also unlike the underrated articles, which focus in depth on one movie, this one will be shorter bits about many movies. And yes, I realize that this is a bit click bait-y, on my part. Obviously, taste in movies (or books, or music, or art, or anything creative) is subjective, so these are just my opinions. I understand that many people disagree with me, sometimes very strongly. Finally, there are a couple types of overrated films discussed here. Some I think are terrible, or at least below average. And some I think are good or even very good, but not as stupendously awesome as many viewers think. I'm including some statistics, too. The IMDB number is from the Internet Movie Data Base website, and their number is from 1 to 10, with 10 being the best. RT score is for the Rotten Tomatoes website, which collects various film critics' reviews, and averages these. These scores are represented as a percentage, with a higher percentage meaning a better film. There are also "Audience Scores" on Rotten Tomatoes, which are made up of non-professional viewers' reviews. And I've listed the films' budgets and box office amounts, expressed in U.S. dollars, if known. Both of these are somewhat inexact, as Hollywood accountants sometimes "cook the books," so take these numbers as being rough. And it probably goes without saying that there are some SPOILERS AHEAD.
Movies I thought were poor:
1) Dracula (1931). Directed by Tod Browning, and starring Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, David Manners, Dwight Frye, and Edward Van Sloan. RT 91%, Audience 81%, IMDB 7.6. It's hard to exaggerate how important a movie this was to American films, and horror films in particular. Although reviews of the time were somewhat mixed, audiences loved this movie, and it opened the door to the horror movie genre in general. It also made Bela Lugosi a star, and a legendary horror movie icon. Even now, 87 years later, people still recognize Lugosi's Dracula as a famous terror icon, and can even quote some of his lines. But while I acknowledge and respect the effect the movie had, sitting through it wasn't a positive experience for me. It's just plain dull. The story is somehow slow even though it's a short movie, the violence is mostly offscreen, and even the visuals aren't that compelling. And I'm not adverse to early 20th century movies, either. I enjoy "Frankenstein" (1931), "The Bride of Frankenstein" (1935), "The Island of Lost Souls" (1932), "The Invisible Man" (1933), "The Wolf Man" (1941), and "King Kong" (1933), to name a few, so I can appreciate black and white movies of that time period, with their different styles of acting, primitive special effects, and lack of explicit violence and gore. I would like to see the Spanish version of "Dracula," directed by George Melford and starring Carlos Villaries in the title role, shooting at night on the same sets, with the same costumes, as the English language version. Reportedly this version is more interesting and exciting.
2) The Haunting (1963). Directed by Robert Wise, starring Julie Harris, Claire Bloom, Richard Johnson, and Russ Tamblyn. RT 87%, Audience 82%, IMDB 7.6. Budget of 1.05 million, box office take of 1.02 million. As you can see from the stats, this wasn't a financial success. But it's held up as one of the classic haunted house movies by fans and critics. And I don't understand why. I like some horror movies that are "slow-burns," methodically paced, with subtle scares. But this one left me cold. I get that special effects back then weren't as sophisticated, but to me it was a movie where the ghosts couldn't be bothered to do much to frighten us. I need a lot more than just a bulging door and a shaking spiral staircase. That said, the novel the film is based on, "The Haunting of Hill House," by Shirley Jackson, is quite good, as on the page some of the scenes are more frightening, and you can understand the characters' thoughts and motivations better. I haven't seen the 1999 remake, which was savaged by critics and fans as being overly reliant on unconvincing CGI special effects.
3) The Birds (1963). Directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring Tippi Hendren, Rod Taylor, Jessica Tandy, Suzanne Pleshette, and Veronica Cartwright. RT 96%, Audience 83%, IMDB 7.7. Budget of 3.3 million, box office of 11.4 million. Clearly, Hitchcock is incredibly respected, and this one is considered to be one of the very best nature-run-amok films. I, though, just think it was goofy. The special effects were unconvincing. I know it was long ago, but when the movie is about killer birds, and they don't seem to be in the same place as the characters, it doesn't work. The tone was probably a mistake, too--playing it straight, and grim, with a story about psychotic pigeons just seemed silly. To be fair, Hitchcock is kind of hit and miss for me. "Dial M for Murder" (1954), "Psycho" (1960), "Frenzy" (1972), and "Rear Window" (1954) I all liked, but this, "Family Plot" (1976), and "Vertigo" (1958) I found forgettable at best. Also, Hitchcock reportedly was a monster to Hendren, blackballing her when she rebuffed his advances, and freaking out her daughter, Melanie Griffith, by giving her a morbid wax figurine of her mother in a coffin for her 6th birthday.
4) Event Horizon (1997). Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, starring Lawrence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Kathleen Quinlan, and Joely Richardson. RT 26%, Audience 61%, IMDB 6.7. Made 26.7 million on a 60 million budget. This movie is admittedly a stretch for this list, as it was a critical and box office dud. However, it's amassed a bit of a cult following over the years, so that's why I'm including it. I like the set up of the story, and there's clearly talent in the cast. But what they did with these just didn't impress me. You'd think a movie involving people opening a portal to Hell would be more memorable. I even gave it a second viewing over 15 years later, and I still didn't enjoy it.
5) Diary of the Dead (2007). Written and directed by George Romero, starring Michelle Morgan, Joshua Close, Shawn Roberts, Amy Lalonde, and Joe Dinicol. RT 61%, Audience 41%, IMDB 5.7. Again, maybe a stretch for this list, but because it was made by horror maestro George Romero, I think it was regarded better than it deserved. Romero joined the found footage conceit way too late, and ineffectively. I also didn't like that it changed the (admittedly shaky) dead returning to life timeline, and made it happen in 2007. But mostly it's just so sad, and pointless, from the guy who created the modern zombie. Tedious characters, not enough action--it felt like a ripoff of a George Romero "Dead" movie, only it was made by the man himself. "Land of the Dead" (2005) and "Survival of the Dead" (2009) were mediocre to disappointing entries in the "Dead" series, but "Diary" was clearly the worst of the bunch.
6) The Amityville Horror (1979). Directed by Stuart Rosenberg, starring James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger, Don Stroud, and Murray Hamilton. RT 31%, Audience 52%, IMDB 6.2. Made 86.4 million on a 4.7 million budget. Obviously the critics rather disliked the movie, but it did fantastic business, and jump started a ludicrously successful series. There are 10 official ones, including a remake, and 11 related Amityville movies! It helped, certainly, that it's based on an allegedly true story (and book) on Long Island. I invite readers to research this story themselves, and decide whether or not the Lutz family, Ronald DeFeo's lawyer, the Warrens (a now famous pair of supernatural researchers) , and others were making things up or not. But I agree with the critics here--the movie's boring. I read the book, and while I think it's fiction, it at least keeps the reader engaged. Not much goes on in the movie, and the special effects of the demonic pig were especially ridiculous. And this was the late 1970's, too--they should have been able to do the effects better. Or write a good script. Or create characters you care about. Or--you get the idea. The 2005 remake was similarly mundane. I haven't seen any of the other entries in this series, and I'm not planning to, as I hear mostly negative reviews.
7) Bubba Ho-Tep (2002). Directed by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Bob Ivy, and Reggie Bannister. RT 71%, Audience 79%, IMDB 7.1. Grossed 1.2 million on a 1 million budget. This one hurts to admit. I really like Coscarelli's "Phantasm" series (well, most of them), which feature Bannister, and I similarly adore the "Evil Dead" movies, of which Campbell is the star. And the plot--a secretly alive Elvis and a man who thinks he's an alive JFK battle an ancient mummy who's killing old folks in a retirement home--sounded wonderfully original, weird, and funny. But sadly, all of that is for naught. Incredibly, the movie was largely forgettable. I had to look at the plot summary online to see what happened, as I forgot nearly everything about it, except that I didn't enjoy watching it. This movie seemed tailor-made for me, and I wanted to like it. But I didn't.
8) Salem's Lot (1979). Television miniseries film, directed by horror icon Tobe Hooper, starring Reggie Nalder, David Soul, James Mason, Lance Kerwin, and Bonnie Bedelia. RT 85%, Audience 64%, IMDB 6.8. This is a TV movie, but it's still highly regarded in some circles. Based on the Stephen King novel. Even understanding that because it was on network TV it couldn't be as explicit as a theatrical movie doesn't justify its hokeyness. They took a very good horror novel and watered it down. I was especially appalled with the Kurt Barlow head vampire design, too. Instead of the book's seductive, darkly charismatic figure we get a stupid, monstrous, creature. It looks like a cross between the Nosferatu vampire and a Smurf, and is utterly ridiculous. Hooper, was, let's face it, more miss than hit as a director, and this was definitely a miss, not great like his "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974) or "Poltergeist" (1982).
9) From Hell (2001). Directed by The Hughes Brothers, starring Johnny Depp, Heather Graham, Ian Holm, Robbie Coltrane, and Ian Richardson. RT 57%, Audience 66%, IMDB 6.8. Made 75 million off a 35 million budget. I really liked most of The Hughes Brothers' output, and the cast was certainly good. But the movie itself didn't grab me. It used one of the more absurd Jack the Ripper theories, for one. Weird flourishes like making the main inspector an opium addict didn't contribute anything, either. And for all the care taken to properly use period appropriate costumes, props, sets, etc., they then use too pretty, and too clean Heather Graham to portray a diseased, downtrodden, poverty-stricken prostitute. This is a rare case where I liked the DVD extras better than the movie--there were documentary-type features about the real Jack the Ripper case that were quite interesting and informative.
10) eXistenZ (1999). David Cronenberg wrote, directed, and co-produced this, and the movie starred Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jude Law, Ian Holm, Willem Dafoe, and Sarah Polley. RT 73%, Audience 69%, IMDB 6.8. Budget was 15 million (U.S.), box office was only 2.9 million. I'm usually a huge fan of Cronenberg, who made such classics as "The Brood" (1979, see my March 1, 2013 post), "Scanners" (1981), "Videodrome" (1983), "The Fly" (1986), and "A History of Violence" (2005), but this one was by far my least favorite. His movies are usually kind of strange, but this one seemed, "weird for the sake of being weird" to quote Moe from "The Simpsons." Original as always, but dense, and confusing, and not in a good way. I was barely remember anything about it, which is not a good sign.
11) Resident Evil (2002). Directed and written by Paul W. S. Anderson again, and starring Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriquez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, and Martin Crewes. RT 34%, Audience 67%, IMDB 6.7. This may seem like an odd choice, given its lack of critical acclaim, but hear me out. This one made 103 million on a 33 million budget. It then spawned a series of 6 movies (as of now), which have grossed 1.235 billion (!) It's also based on a popular video game. I really hated this movie. It was all Matrix-style ripoff action and slow-motion, when it wasn't ripping off other action movies and zombie films. It also had a dumb plot, unrealistic dialogue, and unconvincing CGI special effects. Bad acting, bad writing, bad editing, bad directing, bad everything. Also, I can't buy skinny little Milla Jovovich as some bad-ass fighting expert. An insult to zombie movies. Maybe movies in general. I wasn't inclined to see any of the sequels, as you can guess, but I have nonetheless heard awful things about them. But clearly millions of people keep paying to see these, so the series endures.
12) John Carpenter's Vampires (1998). Directed by John Carpenter, of course, and starring James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, Sheryl Lee, Thomas Ian Griffith, and Maximilian Schell. RT 38%, Audience 47%, IMDB 6.1. Box office take of 20.3 million off of a 20 million budget. This one also hurts to admit, as I love my Carpenter movies usually. "Halloween" (1978), "The Thing" (1982), "Escape from New York" (1981), "The Prince of Darkness" (1987), "In the Mouth of Madness (1995), "Assault on Precinct 13" (1976), and "They Live" (1988) are all great, in my view. Hell, even his expanded student film, "Dark Star" (1974) was funny, and worth watching despite its tiny budget. But not this one. The opening scene was kind of cool, but it was all downhill from there. I didn't particularly like the characters, and the story was overly simplistic and disappointing. I recall that the major third act plot twist about which character was secretly betraying them, was laughably easy to figure out, since there was only really one candidate. I felt embarrassed, as I'd taken a group of friends to see it, while extolling how much I liked Carpenter's movies. Alas, since the mid 1990's John Carpenter has rarely done any movies, and the few he did weren't even mediocre.
13) Paranormal Activity (2007). Directed by Oren Peli, starring Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs, and Ashley Palmer. RT 83%, Audience 56%, IMDB 6.3. Box office take of 193.4 million off of a $15,000 budget! I know, this is kind of going after low-hanging fruit. This is a massively polarizing movie--obviously many people loved it, but it also has many vocal detractors. Count me as one of the detractors. This movie epitomizes one of the things I hate most about a lot of modern horror movies, which is filmmakers who substitute jump scares for real, significant scares. Startling an audience is childishly easy, yet ultimately hollow. I like movies that are creepy, unsettling, that make you think about them later on, that give you nightmares. Jump scares aren't bad in and of themselves, but if that's all your movie has, then you've failed. I gave this series a fair trial, watching the first 3 movies, and they were interminable. Literally, much of the films' run time is watching found footage of nothing--the camera shows people sleeping, or even empty rooms, for lonnnnnnnnng waits, followed by a startling noise, or door slamming, or someone being grabbed. There is almost no characterization, little to no plot, or even change of venues. I give Peli credit--this series has grossed over 890 million, on tiny budgets, but to me these movies are incredibly tedious.
14) Sharknado (2013). Another made-for-TV movie, in this case for the Syfy channel. Directed by Anthony Ferrante, starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, John Heard, and Cassie Scerbo. RT 82%, Audience 33%, IMDB 3.3. I realize this seems like cheating, too--who can even criticize a movie which is so over the top, deliberately cheesy and bad? At the risk of coming across as being stuffy, I find this film a bit offensive. There are a lot of cheesy, inept movie out there---just in the past few months I've watched "Plan 9 from Outer Space" (1959), "Manos: The Hands of Fate" (1966), "Zaat" (1971), and "Death Bed: The Bed that Eats" (1977). But, as bad as they are, I at least have a modicum of respect for the filmmakers, because at least they were trying. The results were laughable, and at best so-bad-they're-good, ironically enjoyable, but the filmmakers were doing their best, and were sincere. Whereas, movies like "Sharknado" are intentionally shitty, which I find lazy, and contemptuous of their audience. Anybody can intentionally do something that's terrible, but should they? Yes, some enjoyment can be had, some laughs will be generated watching "Sharknado," but they're not earned. It's clear that many people disagree with me, as we're up to 6 movies in the series, and 1 spinoff. This was made by The Asylum, the company that blatantly rips off other movies, while only slightly changing the title, and enough of the plot, and characters, to avoid being sued.
The following are movies that were good, or even very good, but not as great as many viewers claim:
15) I Am Legend (2007). Directed by Francis Lawrence, and starring Will Smith, Alice Braga, Charlie Tahan, and Dash Mihok. RT 69%, Audience 68%, IMDB 7.2. Earned 585.3 million on a 150 million budget. This was the 3rd try at Richard Mathewson's "I Am Legend" novella, the others being "The Last Man on Earth" (1964), and "The Omega Man" (1971). There's a lot to like about this movie. The sets and overall visuals were great--Manhattan really seems desolate, crumbling, and empty. Will Smith does a very good acting job, too. There's none of his usual, "Aw Hell No," brash, overly cool, cliche persona here--he really seems like a lonely, somewhat crazy guy dealing with the apocalypse. But then things kind of fall apart. The vampires are extremely unconvincing, like "Star Wars Prequels" level bad CGI, like a poor video game. With ridiculous, unbelievable abilities, too, like having the skill to leap like 40 feet in the air, or dig through walls and floors with their bare hands. And the ending is foolish. Smith's character could have easily hidden himself away from the grenade blast, but instead he sacrifices himself for no reason. And the sanctuary they go to after doesn't seem safe at all. How could its low walls stop the super strong, super jumping vampires? Evidently this movie was significantly reedited, and had several scenes cut, and I've heard the ending was as well. Maybe I would like it more seeing these alternate versions. But as it is, I regard "I Am Legend" as a decent film which wasted a lot of talent and potential.
16) Don't Breathe (2016). Directed/co-written/co-produced by Fede Alvarez, and co-produced by Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert, who created the awesome "Evil Dead" movies. Film starred Jane Levy, Stephen Lang, Dylan Minnette, and Daniel Zovatto. RT 88%, Audience 78%, IMDB 7.1. Earned 157.1 million on a 9.9 million budget. I only liked this movie. And most reviews I've read rate it a bit too high, in my opinion. It was certainly tense, and disturbing. It was a slight twist on the home invasion trope. However, there is a huge problem, and that is the main characters are rather awful. They're scumbag thieves, who rob from ordinary people. And, the meat of the movie sees them attempting to rob a blind ex-soldier who's been devastated with grief because his daughter was killed by a drunk driver. We later learn that he's evidently gone insane, or was messed up to begin with, as he's kidnapped the drunk driver (who got off with a slap on the wrist) and is forcing her to give birth to another child. (He claims he didn't rape her, showing us that his grasp on what constitutes consent is absurdly literal and psychotic.) But the key thing is--the three thieves don't know this until after they've broken in. So it makes it hard to sympathize with them. The woman thief is shown having a crappy home life, with a possibly abusive mother and stepfather, and a younger sister that she's trying to save by leaving home together. But why couldn't she just flee to California using money that she earned legally, or get help from another family member, friend, or shelter? So, in short, you're kind of rooting for the alleged protagonists, but they're pretty terrible. Also, I thought the movie was clearly inspired by/ripped off Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" (1991). I thought Craven's film was superior, while being even more disturbing and even darkly comic.
17) The Shining (1980). Directed and written by Stanley Kubrick, starring Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, and Scatman Crothers. RT 86%, Audience 93%, IMDB 8.4. Grossed 44.4 million on a 19 million budget. That's right, I'm going here--come at me! This isn't a bad movie--it's actually quite good. I own a copy on DVD, and have seen it many times. It's got the usual great Kubrickian visuals, interesting shots, methodical pace, and a lot of genuinely creepy and disturbing goings-on. But there are some problems. I should note that the movie is based on Stephen King's novel, which I love. Kubrick obviously didn't like certain aspects of the book, and made many changes, some of which were very significant. First off, Jack Nicholson is clearly a very talented actor, but I don't understand why he played Jack Torrance the way he did, and why Kubrick accepted this. The whole point of the book is that it's about a normal guy, struggling with alcoholism and a strained marriage, who's gradually driven insane by supernatural forces in a hotel that's completely isolated in the winter months. But he redeems himself at the end. Nicholson's Jack Torrance seems crazy right from the beginning, so his character arc is basically a straight line. Duvall is also miscast. She's not the stronger Wendy from the book, she's a bit too much of a damsel in distress. Major plot points are also ignored. I understand why the hedge animals couldn't be convincingly rendered in 1980, so that's a justified cut. But where's the boiler, and the accompanying hodgepodge of hotel records? Why is the maze turned into the main part of the ending? And why wasn't Jack redeemed? Supposedly Kubrick didn't like the supernatural aspects of the book, and wanted to keep the story ambivalent, so we're not sure if they're really happening, or if the characters are just imagining them. (And there are scores of theories about the true meaning of the film, and there's even a whole documentary, "Room 237" that explores these.) I actually liked the television movie version better than Kubrick's, basically because it follow King's book more accurately, and doesn't have the drawbacks that I mentioned. (King was more involved in the script and production of the TV version.) Kind of like "I Am Legend," but even more so, this movie, while very good, could have been even better if Kubrick had just altered some things. Yet, Kubrick's "The Shining" is so lauded. Pretty much every horror director cites it as one of the very best horror movies ever, and even non-horror fans mention it as being the best horror movie. So there it is--very good, but not as great as it could have been.
Movies I thought were poor:
1) Dracula (1931). Directed by Tod Browning, and starring Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, David Manners, Dwight Frye, and Edward Van Sloan. RT 91%, Audience 81%, IMDB 7.6. It's hard to exaggerate how important a movie this was to American films, and horror films in particular. Although reviews of the time were somewhat mixed, audiences loved this movie, and it opened the door to the horror movie genre in general. It also made Bela Lugosi a star, and a legendary horror movie icon. Even now, 87 years later, people still recognize Lugosi's Dracula as a famous terror icon, and can even quote some of his lines. But while I acknowledge and respect the effect the movie had, sitting through it wasn't a positive experience for me. It's just plain dull. The story is somehow slow even though it's a short movie, the violence is mostly offscreen, and even the visuals aren't that compelling. And I'm not adverse to early 20th century movies, either. I enjoy "Frankenstein" (1931), "The Bride of Frankenstein" (1935), "The Island of Lost Souls" (1932), "The Invisible Man" (1933), "The Wolf Man" (1941), and "King Kong" (1933), to name a few, so I can appreciate black and white movies of that time period, with their different styles of acting, primitive special effects, and lack of explicit violence and gore. I would like to see the Spanish version of "Dracula," directed by George Melford and starring Carlos Villaries in the title role, shooting at night on the same sets, with the same costumes, as the English language version. Reportedly this version is more interesting and exciting.
2) The Haunting (1963). Directed by Robert Wise, starring Julie Harris, Claire Bloom, Richard Johnson, and Russ Tamblyn. RT 87%, Audience 82%, IMDB 7.6. Budget of 1.05 million, box office take of 1.02 million. As you can see from the stats, this wasn't a financial success. But it's held up as one of the classic haunted house movies by fans and critics. And I don't understand why. I like some horror movies that are "slow-burns," methodically paced, with subtle scares. But this one left me cold. I get that special effects back then weren't as sophisticated, but to me it was a movie where the ghosts couldn't be bothered to do much to frighten us. I need a lot more than just a bulging door and a shaking spiral staircase. That said, the novel the film is based on, "The Haunting of Hill House," by Shirley Jackson, is quite good, as on the page some of the scenes are more frightening, and you can understand the characters' thoughts and motivations better. I haven't seen the 1999 remake, which was savaged by critics and fans as being overly reliant on unconvincing CGI special effects.
3) The Birds (1963). Directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring Tippi Hendren, Rod Taylor, Jessica Tandy, Suzanne Pleshette, and Veronica Cartwright. RT 96%, Audience 83%, IMDB 7.7. Budget of 3.3 million, box office of 11.4 million. Clearly, Hitchcock is incredibly respected, and this one is considered to be one of the very best nature-run-amok films. I, though, just think it was goofy. The special effects were unconvincing. I know it was long ago, but when the movie is about killer birds, and they don't seem to be in the same place as the characters, it doesn't work. The tone was probably a mistake, too--playing it straight, and grim, with a story about psychotic pigeons just seemed silly. To be fair, Hitchcock is kind of hit and miss for me. "Dial M for Murder" (1954), "Psycho" (1960), "Frenzy" (1972), and "Rear Window" (1954) I all liked, but this, "Family Plot" (1976), and "Vertigo" (1958) I found forgettable at best. Also, Hitchcock reportedly was a monster to Hendren, blackballing her when she rebuffed his advances, and freaking out her daughter, Melanie Griffith, by giving her a morbid wax figurine of her mother in a coffin for her 6th birthday.
4) Event Horizon (1997). Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, starring Lawrence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Kathleen Quinlan, and Joely Richardson. RT 26%, Audience 61%, IMDB 6.7. Made 26.7 million on a 60 million budget. This movie is admittedly a stretch for this list, as it was a critical and box office dud. However, it's amassed a bit of a cult following over the years, so that's why I'm including it. I like the set up of the story, and there's clearly talent in the cast. But what they did with these just didn't impress me. You'd think a movie involving people opening a portal to Hell would be more memorable. I even gave it a second viewing over 15 years later, and I still didn't enjoy it.
5) Diary of the Dead (2007). Written and directed by George Romero, starring Michelle Morgan, Joshua Close, Shawn Roberts, Amy Lalonde, and Joe Dinicol. RT 61%, Audience 41%, IMDB 5.7. Again, maybe a stretch for this list, but because it was made by horror maestro George Romero, I think it was regarded better than it deserved. Romero joined the found footage conceit way too late, and ineffectively. I also didn't like that it changed the (admittedly shaky) dead returning to life timeline, and made it happen in 2007. But mostly it's just so sad, and pointless, from the guy who created the modern zombie. Tedious characters, not enough action--it felt like a ripoff of a George Romero "Dead" movie, only it was made by the man himself. "Land of the Dead" (2005) and "Survival of the Dead" (2009) were mediocre to disappointing entries in the "Dead" series, but "Diary" was clearly the worst of the bunch.
6) The Amityville Horror (1979). Directed by Stuart Rosenberg, starring James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger, Don Stroud, and Murray Hamilton. RT 31%, Audience 52%, IMDB 6.2. Made 86.4 million on a 4.7 million budget. Obviously the critics rather disliked the movie, but it did fantastic business, and jump started a ludicrously successful series. There are 10 official ones, including a remake, and 11 related Amityville movies! It helped, certainly, that it's based on an allegedly true story (and book) on Long Island. I invite readers to research this story themselves, and decide whether or not the Lutz family, Ronald DeFeo's lawyer, the Warrens (a now famous pair of supernatural researchers) , and others were making things up or not. But I agree with the critics here--the movie's boring. I read the book, and while I think it's fiction, it at least keeps the reader engaged. Not much goes on in the movie, and the special effects of the demonic pig were especially ridiculous. And this was the late 1970's, too--they should have been able to do the effects better. Or write a good script. Or create characters you care about. Or--you get the idea. The 2005 remake was similarly mundane. I haven't seen any of the other entries in this series, and I'm not planning to, as I hear mostly negative reviews.
7) Bubba Ho-Tep (2002). Directed by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Bob Ivy, and Reggie Bannister. RT 71%, Audience 79%, IMDB 7.1. Grossed 1.2 million on a 1 million budget. This one hurts to admit. I really like Coscarelli's "Phantasm" series (well, most of them), which feature Bannister, and I similarly adore the "Evil Dead" movies, of which Campbell is the star. And the plot--a secretly alive Elvis and a man who thinks he's an alive JFK battle an ancient mummy who's killing old folks in a retirement home--sounded wonderfully original, weird, and funny. But sadly, all of that is for naught. Incredibly, the movie was largely forgettable. I had to look at the plot summary online to see what happened, as I forgot nearly everything about it, except that I didn't enjoy watching it. This movie seemed tailor-made for me, and I wanted to like it. But I didn't.
8) Salem's Lot (1979). Television miniseries film, directed by horror icon Tobe Hooper, starring Reggie Nalder, David Soul, James Mason, Lance Kerwin, and Bonnie Bedelia. RT 85%, Audience 64%, IMDB 6.8. This is a TV movie, but it's still highly regarded in some circles. Based on the Stephen King novel. Even understanding that because it was on network TV it couldn't be as explicit as a theatrical movie doesn't justify its hokeyness. They took a very good horror novel and watered it down. I was especially appalled with the Kurt Barlow head vampire design, too. Instead of the book's seductive, darkly charismatic figure we get a stupid, monstrous, creature. It looks like a cross between the Nosferatu vampire and a Smurf, and is utterly ridiculous. Hooper, was, let's face it, more miss than hit as a director, and this was definitely a miss, not great like his "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (1974) or "Poltergeist" (1982).
9) From Hell (2001). Directed by The Hughes Brothers, starring Johnny Depp, Heather Graham, Ian Holm, Robbie Coltrane, and Ian Richardson. RT 57%, Audience 66%, IMDB 6.8. Made 75 million off a 35 million budget. I really liked most of The Hughes Brothers' output, and the cast was certainly good. But the movie itself didn't grab me. It used one of the more absurd Jack the Ripper theories, for one. Weird flourishes like making the main inspector an opium addict didn't contribute anything, either. And for all the care taken to properly use period appropriate costumes, props, sets, etc., they then use too pretty, and too clean Heather Graham to portray a diseased, downtrodden, poverty-stricken prostitute. This is a rare case where I liked the DVD extras better than the movie--there were documentary-type features about the real Jack the Ripper case that were quite interesting and informative.
10) eXistenZ (1999). David Cronenberg wrote, directed, and co-produced this, and the movie starred Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jude Law, Ian Holm, Willem Dafoe, and Sarah Polley. RT 73%, Audience 69%, IMDB 6.8. Budget was 15 million (U.S.), box office was only 2.9 million. I'm usually a huge fan of Cronenberg, who made such classics as "The Brood" (1979, see my March 1, 2013 post), "Scanners" (1981), "Videodrome" (1983), "The Fly" (1986), and "A History of Violence" (2005), but this one was by far my least favorite. His movies are usually kind of strange, but this one seemed, "weird for the sake of being weird" to quote Moe from "The Simpsons." Original as always, but dense, and confusing, and not in a good way. I was barely remember anything about it, which is not a good sign.
11) Resident Evil (2002). Directed and written by Paul W. S. Anderson again, and starring Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriquez, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, and Martin Crewes. RT 34%, Audience 67%, IMDB 6.7. This may seem like an odd choice, given its lack of critical acclaim, but hear me out. This one made 103 million on a 33 million budget. It then spawned a series of 6 movies (as of now), which have grossed 1.235 billion (!) It's also based on a popular video game. I really hated this movie. It was all Matrix-style ripoff action and slow-motion, when it wasn't ripping off other action movies and zombie films. It also had a dumb plot, unrealistic dialogue, and unconvincing CGI special effects. Bad acting, bad writing, bad editing, bad directing, bad everything. Also, I can't buy skinny little Milla Jovovich as some bad-ass fighting expert. An insult to zombie movies. Maybe movies in general. I wasn't inclined to see any of the sequels, as you can guess, but I have nonetheless heard awful things about them. But clearly millions of people keep paying to see these, so the series endures.
12) John Carpenter's Vampires (1998). Directed by John Carpenter, of course, and starring James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, Sheryl Lee, Thomas Ian Griffith, and Maximilian Schell. RT 38%, Audience 47%, IMDB 6.1. Box office take of 20.3 million off of a 20 million budget. This one also hurts to admit, as I love my Carpenter movies usually. "Halloween" (1978), "The Thing" (1982), "Escape from New York" (1981), "The Prince of Darkness" (1987), "In the Mouth of Madness (1995), "Assault on Precinct 13" (1976), and "They Live" (1988) are all great, in my view. Hell, even his expanded student film, "Dark Star" (1974) was funny, and worth watching despite its tiny budget. But not this one. The opening scene was kind of cool, but it was all downhill from there. I didn't particularly like the characters, and the story was overly simplistic and disappointing. I recall that the major third act plot twist about which character was secretly betraying them, was laughably easy to figure out, since there was only really one candidate. I felt embarrassed, as I'd taken a group of friends to see it, while extolling how much I liked Carpenter's movies. Alas, since the mid 1990's John Carpenter has rarely done any movies, and the few he did weren't even mediocre.
13) Paranormal Activity (2007). Directed by Oren Peli, starring Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs, and Ashley Palmer. RT 83%, Audience 56%, IMDB 6.3. Box office take of 193.4 million off of a $15,000 budget! I know, this is kind of going after low-hanging fruit. This is a massively polarizing movie--obviously many people loved it, but it also has many vocal detractors. Count me as one of the detractors. This movie epitomizes one of the things I hate most about a lot of modern horror movies, which is filmmakers who substitute jump scares for real, significant scares. Startling an audience is childishly easy, yet ultimately hollow. I like movies that are creepy, unsettling, that make you think about them later on, that give you nightmares. Jump scares aren't bad in and of themselves, but if that's all your movie has, then you've failed. I gave this series a fair trial, watching the first 3 movies, and they were interminable. Literally, much of the films' run time is watching found footage of nothing--the camera shows people sleeping, or even empty rooms, for lonnnnnnnnng waits, followed by a startling noise, or door slamming, or someone being grabbed. There is almost no characterization, little to no plot, or even change of venues. I give Peli credit--this series has grossed over 890 million, on tiny budgets, but to me these movies are incredibly tedious.
14) Sharknado (2013). Another made-for-TV movie, in this case for the Syfy channel. Directed by Anthony Ferrante, starring Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, John Heard, and Cassie Scerbo. RT 82%, Audience 33%, IMDB 3.3. I realize this seems like cheating, too--who can even criticize a movie which is so over the top, deliberately cheesy and bad? At the risk of coming across as being stuffy, I find this film a bit offensive. There are a lot of cheesy, inept movie out there---just in the past few months I've watched "Plan 9 from Outer Space" (1959), "Manos: The Hands of Fate" (1966), "Zaat" (1971), and "Death Bed: The Bed that Eats" (1977). But, as bad as they are, I at least have a modicum of respect for the filmmakers, because at least they were trying. The results were laughable, and at best so-bad-they're-good, ironically enjoyable, but the filmmakers were doing their best, and were sincere. Whereas, movies like "Sharknado" are intentionally shitty, which I find lazy, and contemptuous of their audience. Anybody can intentionally do something that's terrible, but should they? Yes, some enjoyment can be had, some laughs will be generated watching "Sharknado," but they're not earned. It's clear that many people disagree with me, as we're up to 6 movies in the series, and 1 spinoff. This was made by The Asylum, the company that blatantly rips off other movies, while only slightly changing the title, and enough of the plot, and characters, to avoid being sued.
The following are movies that were good, or even very good, but not as great as many viewers claim:
15) I Am Legend (2007). Directed by Francis Lawrence, and starring Will Smith, Alice Braga, Charlie Tahan, and Dash Mihok. RT 69%, Audience 68%, IMDB 7.2. Earned 585.3 million on a 150 million budget. This was the 3rd try at Richard Mathewson's "I Am Legend" novella, the others being "The Last Man on Earth" (1964), and "The Omega Man" (1971). There's a lot to like about this movie. The sets and overall visuals were great--Manhattan really seems desolate, crumbling, and empty. Will Smith does a very good acting job, too. There's none of his usual, "Aw Hell No," brash, overly cool, cliche persona here--he really seems like a lonely, somewhat crazy guy dealing with the apocalypse. But then things kind of fall apart. The vampires are extremely unconvincing, like "Star Wars Prequels" level bad CGI, like a poor video game. With ridiculous, unbelievable abilities, too, like having the skill to leap like 40 feet in the air, or dig through walls and floors with their bare hands. And the ending is foolish. Smith's character could have easily hidden himself away from the grenade blast, but instead he sacrifices himself for no reason. And the sanctuary they go to after doesn't seem safe at all. How could its low walls stop the super strong, super jumping vampires? Evidently this movie was significantly reedited, and had several scenes cut, and I've heard the ending was as well. Maybe I would like it more seeing these alternate versions. But as it is, I regard "I Am Legend" as a decent film which wasted a lot of talent and potential.
16) Don't Breathe (2016). Directed/co-written/co-produced by Fede Alvarez, and co-produced by Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert, who created the awesome "Evil Dead" movies. Film starred Jane Levy, Stephen Lang, Dylan Minnette, and Daniel Zovatto. RT 88%, Audience 78%, IMDB 7.1. Earned 157.1 million on a 9.9 million budget. I only liked this movie. And most reviews I've read rate it a bit too high, in my opinion. It was certainly tense, and disturbing. It was a slight twist on the home invasion trope. However, there is a huge problem, and that is the main characters are rather awful. They're scumbag thieves, who rob from ordinary people. And, the meat of the movie sees them attempting to rob a blind ex-soldier who's been devastated with grief because his daughter was killed by a drunk driver. We later learn that he's evidently gone insane, or was messed up to begin with, as he's kidnapped the drunk driver (who got off with a slap on the wrist) and is forcing her to give birth to another child. (He claims he didn't rape her, showing us that his grasp on what constitutes consent is absurdly literal and psychotic.) But the key thing is--the three thieves don't know this until after they've broken in. So it makes it hard to sympathize with them. The woman thief is shown having a crappy home life, with a possibly abusive mother and stepfather, and a younger sister that she's trying to save by leaving home together. But why couldn't she just flee to California using money that she earned legally, or get help from another family member, friend, or shelter? So, in short, you're kind of rooting for the alleged protagonists, but they're pretty terrible. Also, I thought the movie was clearly inspired by/ripped off Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs" (1991). I thought Craven's film was superior, while being even more disturbing and even darkly comic.
17) The Shining (1980). Directed and written by Stanley Kubrick, starring Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, and Scatman Crothers. RT 86%, Audience 93%, IMDB 8.4. Grossed 44.4 million on a 19 million budget. That's right, I'm going here--come at me! This isn't a bad movie--it's actually quite good. I own a copy on DVD, and have seen it many times. It's got the usual great Kubrickian visuals, interesting shots, methodical pace, and a lot of genuinely creepy and disturbing goings-on. But there are some problems. I should note that the movie is based on Stephen King's novel, which I love. Kubrick obviously didn't like certain aspects of the book, and made many changes, some of which were very significant. First off, Jack Nicholson is clearly a very talented actor, but I don't understand why he played Jack Torrance the way he did, and why Kubrick accepted this. The whole point of the book is that it's about a normal guy, struggling with alcoholism and a strained marriage, who's gradually driven insane by supernatural forces in a hotel that's completely isolated in the winter months. But he redeems himself at the end. Nicholson's Jack Torrance seems crazy right from the beginning, so his character arc is basically a straight line. Duvall is also miscast. She's not the stronger Wendy from the book, she's a bit too much of a damsel in distress. Major plot points are also ignored. I understand why the hedge animals couldn't be convincingly rendered in 1980, so that's a justified cut. But where's the boiler, and the accompanying hodgepodge of hotel records? Why is the maze turned into the main part of the ending? And why wasn't Jack redeemed? Supposedly Kubrick didn't like the supernatural aspects of the book, and wanted to keep the story ambivalent, so we're not sure if they're really happening, or if the characters are just imagining them. (And there are scores of theories about the true meaning of the film, and there's even a whole documentary, "Room 237" that explores these.) I actually liked the television movie version better than Kubrick's, basically because it follow King's book more accurately, and doesn't have the drawbacks that I mentioned. (King was more involved in the script and production of the TV version.) Kind of like "I Am Legend," but even more so, this movie, while very good, could have been even better if Kubrick had just altered some things. Yet, Kubrick's "The Shining" is so lauded. Pretty much every horror director cites it as one of the very best horror movies ever, and even non-horror fans mention it as being the best horror movie. So there it is--very good, but not as great as it could have been.
Saturday, October 13, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--A Ghanaian Soft Drink
We're headed back to Ghana for this one. Some readers may recall I did a previous post about a Ghanaian food product, about their candies, back on April 13, 2016. I purchased these in Washington D.C.'s wonderful Union Market, a complex of stores which sold many international products. Alas, my friend Keith just informed me that the Union Market is essentially finished--all but one of the stores were razed to build apartments, and even the remaining one doesn't look like it's long for the world. Moving on, then, I was able to find a substitute of sorts--Abuja international grocery in Waldorf, Maryland. The soft drink I got was Malta, a non-alcoholic (of course) malt drink (also of course) from the Guinness brewery in Ghana. (For more on the famous Guinness company, refer to my February 3, 2018 post about a Guinness candy.)
The drink malta (it's not a company trade name, but the drink type name) was inspired by a kind of German (alcoholic) beer called malzbier. Malzbier is regular beer which is interrupted during the brewing process, resulting in a weak adult beverage (about 2% alcohol). A Danish brewery, Albani, claims to be the first one to make a non-alcoholic version of malzbier. This new type was made with similar ingredients (water, barley, malt, hops) but was not fermented. By the 1950's more folks were interested in a completely non-alcoholic version of malzbier, and malta became much more widespread, and popular. It's especially enjoyed in Caribbean countries, and parts of Africa, including Chad, Cameroon, and Ghana. Unlike beer, it's not uncommon to add ice to the drink, and sometimes evaporated or condensed milk is mixed in as well. However, the original malzbier is still made in Germany, and in Chile "malta" is their name for the alcoholic schwarzbier. Plus I was amused to see that malta is avidly consumed in the country of Malta. (Which is a rare country-and -edible-having-the-same-name example, to add to eating turkey in Turkey, chili in Chile, etc.) Finally, I wrote about another kind of non-alcoholic, energy/vitamin enriched malt beverage, a Danish kind, in my March 22, 2016 post.
The malta I had came in a 330 milliliter (11.2 ounce) glass bottle, and cost about $2. Its listed ingredients are water, barley, malt, maize, sorghum, sucrose, caramel color, hops, and vitamins (specifically Vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, and B6). The tagline is, "Vitality--Goodness--Energy." I had misgivings going in, as I haven't usually liked the other non-alcoholic, energy, malt beverages I've tried. This one, though, was alright. Not great, but okay, and drinkable. The color was dark brown, like a cola drink. The taste was peculiar--kind of a mix of root beer and soy sauce, which sounds gross, but somehow kind of worked. I wouldn't go out of my way to buy it again, but if I happen to see it for sale, I might get some more.
I'll wrap this up with a few nuggets about Ghana. It produces the second most cocoa beans in the world, trailing only the Ivory Coast. And by surface area, it has the largest human-made artificial lake in the world, Lake Volta (it's third largest judged by volume). As for famous people from Ghana, or with Ghanaian heritage, Kofi Annan was the secretary-general of the U.N. from 1997-2006. Actor Idris Elba ("American Gangster" (2007), "28 Weeks Later" (2007), "Prometheus" (2012), "Star Trek Beyond" (2016), "The Dark Tower" (2017), and in various "Thor" and "Avengers" movies playing the character Heimdall) has Ghanian heritage on his mother's side. Hugh Quarshie is another actor of Ghanaian ancestry. He's probably best known worldwide for roles in "Highlander" (1986), "Nightbreed" (1990), and "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" (1999). Joseph Addai played running back in the NFL from 2006-11, including a starting role on the Indianapolis Colts's Super Bowl 41 winning squad. Ghana has also produced at least 3 boxing title holders--Nana Konadu (super flyweight 1989 and bantamweight 1996), Ike Quartey (welterweight 1994-98), and Joseph Clottey (welterweight 2008-09).
The drink malta (it's not a company trade name, but the drink type name) was inspired by a kind of German (alcoholic) beer called malzbier. Malzbier is regular beer which is interrupted during the brewing process, resulting in a weak adult beverage (about 2% alcohol). A Danish brewery, Albani, claims to be the first one to make a non-alcoholic version of malzbier. This new type was made with similar ingredients (water, barley, malt, hops) but was not fermented. By the 1950's more folks were interested in a completely non-alcoholic version of malzbier, and malta became much more widespread, and popular. It's especially enjoyed in Caribbean countries, and parts of Africa, including Chad, Cameroon, and Ghana. Unlike beer, it's not uncommon to add ice to the drink, and sometimes evaporated or condensed milk is mixed in as well. However, the original malzbier is still made in Germany, and in Chile "malta" is their name for the alcoholic schwarzbier. Plus I was amused to see that malta is avidly consumed in the country of Malta. (Which is a rare country-and -edible-having-the-same-name example, to add to eating turkey in Turkey, chili in Chile, etc.) Finally, I wrote about another kind of non-alcoholic, energy/vitamin enriched malt beverage, a Danish kind, in my March 22, 2016 post.
The malta I had came in a 330 milliliter (11.2 ounce) glass bottle, and cost about $2. Its listed ingredients are water, barley, malt, maize, sorghum, sucrose, caramel color, hops, and vitamins (specifically Vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, and B6). The tagline is, "Vitality--Goodness--Energy." I had misgivings going in, as I haven't usually liked the other non-alcoholic, energy, malt beverages I've tried. This one, though, was alright. Not great, but okay, and drinkable. The color was dark brown, like a cola drink. The taste was peculiar--kind of a mix of root beer and soy sauce, which sounds gross, but somehow kind of worked. I wouldn't go out of my way to buy it again, but if I happen to see it for sale, I might get some more.
I'll wrap this up with a few nuggets about Ghana. It produces the second most cocoa beans in the world, trailing only the Ivory Coast. And by surface area, it has the largest human-made artificial lake in the world, Lake Volta (it's third largest judged by volume). As for famous people from Ghana, or with Ghanaian heritage, Kofi Annan was the secretary-general of the U.N. from 1997-2006. Actor Idris Elba ("American Gangster" (2007), "28 Weeks Later" (2007), "Prometheus" (2012), "Star Trek Beyond" (2016), "The Dark Tower" (2017), and in various "Thor" and "Avengers" movies playing the character Heimdall) has Ghanian heritage on his mother's side. Hugh Quarshie is another actor of Ghanaian ancestry. He's probably best known worldwide for roles in "Highlander" (1986), "Nightbreed" (1990), and "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" (1999). Joseph Addai played running back in the NFL from 2006-11, including a starting role on the Indianapolis Colts's Super Bowl 41 winning squad. Ghana has also produced at least 3 boxing title holders--Nana Konadu (super flyweight 1989 and bantamweight 1996), Ike Quartey (welterweight 1994-98), and Joseph Clottey (welterweight 2008-09).
Saturday, October 6, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--White Mulberries
So this week I ate what worms eat. Silkworms, that is. Their main food source is the leaves of the white mulberry plant. I technically ate the fruit, but still, close enough. Silkworms also eat other types of mulberry, and osage orange, too, but white mulberry appears to be their favorite.
Northern China is the ancestral home of white mulberry, and they've been cultivated there for 4000 years. Since, they've spread quite a bit around the globe. To the U.S., Mexico, Argentina, Iran, Southern Europe, Northern Africa, and the Indian subcontinent. (In fact, in some parts of the U.S. mulberry has been too successful, and is considered an invasive species.) In addition to feeding cloth-making bugs, white mulberry is also used as food for goats and cattle. Humans are basically limited to the fruit though, and only the ripened fruit at that. Unripe fruit and other parts of the plant can be toxic, and even hallucinogenic.
As with many of the foods I've discussed on this blog, some folks think that white mulberries, and mulberries in general, are "superfoods," and many people think they even go beyond this, into being natural medicine. In traditional Chinese medicine, for example, white mulberries are alleged to treat graying hair, constipation, diabetes, wheezing, edema, cough, proper urination, leukemia, and red eyes. And they're said to "tonify" the blood, whatever that means. As usual, however, most to all of these claims haven't been scientifically proven as of yet. There is some preliminary evidence that white mulberries may be useful in preventing dental caries, gout, diabetes, and leukemia, but much more research is needed.
Mulberries are consumed in various ways. They're sometimes made into desserts like pies and tarts, sometimes eaten plain, and occasionally mixed into other foods like yogurt. They are also made into teas and wines. Furthermore, the coloration of this fruit is functional too--it can be used for tanning, and as a food colorant. And the bark of mulberry trees has successfully been utilized to make paper.
I bought my white mulberries at the local Safeway supermarket here in Southern Maryland, from the Navitas Organics company out of California. Most of the website touted how their products were superfoods, and what all that means (see my May 1, 2014 post for my take on this). Their name, Navitas, is Latin for "energy." They claim their foods can help with "activity, balanced energy, beauty, cleansing, immunity, longevity, and stress reduction." Although, at the bottom of one page, I was amused to see the disclaimer, "Superfoods are plant-based foods, not a miracle drug. The statements herein have not been reviewed by the FDA. Navitas Organics' products are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent any disease." Other products sold by this company include chia seeds, goji berries and powder, camu powder, goldenberries (see my June 13, 2015 post), acai powder, and pomegranate powder. Zach Adelman founded the company in 2003. They're also big into fair trade practices, traditional and sustainable farming, and green business practices. And, as their name states, their foods are organic, and also non-GMO, vegan, and gluten-free.
My white mulberries were grown in Turkey. According to what I read online, consumers characterize these as being more tart than regular black or purple mulberries, with a gummi-like texture and vanilla-ish overtones. They came in a 227 gram (8 ounce) bag, and were dried. They looked like blackberries, only with a brownish-yellow color. The size varied, from about pea-sized to a small blackberry. I ate mine plain. The texture was chewy, like typical dried fruit. They were decently sweet. The taste was alright--more interesting than a typical raisin, for example. However, I got quite a shock when I happened to see the grocery receipt. I hadn't been paying attention when they were rung up, and the price was $13! They were a solid snack, but not worth that much, in my view. So I won't be buying these again, unless I see them on sale for significantly cheaper, or if they're in another form. (Alas, the white hairs on my head and sideburns don't appear to have changed color, either.)
I'll end on a fun fact about the white mulberry tree. They apparently have the fastest speed of pollen dispersal in the plant kingdom--560 kilometers per hour (or 350 miles per hour)! Their stamens act like tiny, but absurdly effective catapults, whipping out the pollen at more than half the speed of sound. This pollen is especially bad for allergy sufferers, too--I guess even more so if you're unlucky enough to get hit by it as it's released.
Northern China is the ancestral home of white mulberry, and they've been cultivated there for 4000 years. Since, they've spread quite a bit around the globe. To the U.S., Mexico, Argentina, Iran, Southern Europe, Northern Africa, and the Indian subcontinent. (In fact, in some parts of the U.S. mulberry has been too successful, and is considered an invasive species.) In addition to feeding cloth-making bugs, white mulberry is also used as food for goats and cattle. Humans are basically limited to the fruit though, and only the ripened fruit at that. Unripe fruit and other parts of the plant can be toxic, and even hallucinogenic.
As with many of the foods I've discussed on this blog, some folks think that white mulberries, and mulberries in general, are "superfoods," and many people think they even go beyond this, into being natural medicine. In traditional Chinese medicine, for example, white mulberries are alleged to treat graying hair, constipation, diabetes, wheezing, edema, cough, proper urination, leukemia, and red eyes. And they're said to "tonify" the blood, whatever that means. As usual, however, most to all of these claims haven't been scientifically proven as of yet. There is some preliminary evidence that white mulberries may be useful in preventing dental caries, gout, diabetes, and leukemia, but much more research is needed.
Mulberries are consumed in various ways. They're sometimes made into desserts like pies and tarts, sometimes eaten plain, and occasionally mixed into other foods like yogurt. They are also made into teas and wines. Furthermore, the coloration of this fruit is functional too--it can be used for tanning, and as a food colorant. And the bark of mulberry trees has successfully been utilized to make paper.
I bought my white mulberries at the local Safeway supermarket here in Southern Maryland, from the Navitas Organics company out of California. Most of the website touted how their products were superfoods, and what all that means (see my May 1, 2014 post for my take on this). Their name, Navitas, is Latin for "energy." They claim their foods can help with "activity, balanced energy, beauty, cleansing, immunity, longevity, and stress reduction." Although, at the bottom of one page, I was amused to see the disclaimer, "Superfoods are plant-based foods, not a miracle drug. The statements herein have not been reviewed by the FDA. Navitas Organics' products are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent any disease." Other products sold by this company include chia seeds, goji berries and powder, camu powder, goldenberries (see my June 13, 2015 post), acai powder, and pomegranate powder. Zach Adelman founded the company in 2003. They're also big into fair trade practices, traditional and sustainable farming, and green business practices. And, as their name states, their foods are organic, and also non-GMO, vegan, and gluten-free.
My white mulberries were grown in Turkey. According to what I read online, consumers characterize these as being more tart than regular black or purple mulberries, with a gummi-like texture and vanilla-ish overtones. They came in a 227 gram (8 ounce) bag, and were dried. They looked like blackberries, only with a brownish-yellow color. The size varied, from about pea-sized to a small blackberry. I ate mine plain. The texture was chewy, like typical dried fruit. They were decently sweet. The taste was alright--more interesting than a typical raisin, for example. However, I got quite a shock when I happened to see the grocery receipt. I hadn't been paying attention when they were rung up, and the price was $13! They were a solid snack, but not worth that much, in my view. So I won't be buying these again, unless I see them on sale for significantly cheaper, or if they're in another form. (Alas, the white hairs on my head and sideburns don't appear to have changed color, either.)
I'll end on a fun fact about the white mulberry tree. They apparently have the fastest speed of pollen dispersal in the plant kingdom--560 kilometers per hour (or 350 miles per hour)! Their stamens act like tiny, but absurdly effective catapults, whipping out the pollen at more than half the speed of sound. This pollen is especially bad for allergy sufferers, too--I guess even more so if you're unlucky enough to get hit by it as it's released.
Saturday, September 29, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Couscous
I first had couscous about 20 years ago, while visiting a friend in Seattle (Hi Anita!). We went to a Senegalese restaurant, and couscous was, as I recall, a side dish/rice substitute for many of the entrees. I had some (perhaps with lamb?) and really loved it. Then, when I saw there was a couscous-based dessert I ordered this too, and also enjoyed it. But, several years later I was in a soul food restaurant in Harlem (in Manhattan, of course) when I saw couscous on the menu again. I eagerly ordered it, fondly remembering my first experience with it. However, this second time it wasn't very good--it was kind of dry, and not very flavorful. Over the years, I occasionally saw microwavable frozen couscous-based dishes in groceries, and tried some of them. (This was back before I had this blog.) Usually they were okay to pretty good--much better than the second time I had couscous, but not as great as that first time. And then, a couple of months ago, I saw microwavable pre-made couscous again, from a company called Wild Garden. I'll discuss this one below.
I was a bit surprised to learn that couscous isn't an exotic and different kind of grain. It's actually a subspecies of wheat, called durum. "Common wheat" is the most popular species in the world, while durum is a very distant second, comprising 5-8% of the world's wheat production. Durum wheat was artificially selected by humans long ago, around 7000 B.C., from a species of domesticated wheat (emmer) grown in the Middle East and Central Europe. Couscous wasn't developed until the 7th century, in Northwest Africa, in what's now the nations of Algeria, Morocco, Tunisia, Mauritania, and Libya. The traditional method of making couscous is very labor-intensive. The hardest part of the durum wheat plant, what's called the "wheat middlings," the part most resistant to grinding, is pounded, sprinkled with water, and hand rolled into small pellets. These pellets are then kept separate using a flour dusting, and are sieved. Any pellets that are too small and go through the sieve are recollected, and the total process is repeated, until all the wheat is in pellet form. In modern times this process has been mechanized. The most likely origin for this food's name is that it comes from the Arabic word kaskasa, meaning "to pound small." Since its invention, couscous has spread quite a bit, especially into Mediterranean and Middle Eastern countries. It's popular in France, Portugal, Spain, Greece, Italy, and Israel. It's also a major part of Palestinian cuisine. Couscous is often served in a broth or stew, with vegetables and meat (anything from chicken, lamb, fish, camel, or beef, depending on where it's being made). Alternately, it's also common as a sweet dessert, and mixed with things like nuts, honey, cream and sugar. Some cultures even use completely different grains, like farina, barley, corn meal, millet, or sorghum, but still call it couscous, or one of its alternate titles, such as maftoul.
I wasn't able to find out much about the Wild Garden company. The official website doesn't include any sort of history about the company itself. Just a statement that they're dedicated to providing Mediterranean food to the world. Some of their other products include pre-made shawarma, rice & lentils, bulgur (another durum wheat product), a Persian marinade, spices made for Turkish kebobs, hummus, and some snack boxes. For those who care about such things, only some of their wares are gluten-free, kosher, and vegan. Also, they state that they are not GMO-free at the moment, but they are pursuing this. Finally, the couscous I ate, and maybe the other Mediterranean specialty dishes produced by Wild Garden, was made in....India, for some reason.
But on to my impressions of the Wild Garden couscous. It came in a 250 g. (8.8 ounce) bag, and was microwavable. The ingredients were a vegetable stock made from water, carrots, cauliflower, green beans, tomato, onion, cabbage, cilantro, and salt and spices, along with chick peas, couscous, sunflower oil, and tomato paste. It had the small couscous lumps, along with visible chick peas, and was a dull brownish-orange color. The taste was kind of similar to the other pre-made microwavable couscous I've had over the years--okay, but not great. I had no problems finishing it, but I didn't love it like that initial encounter.
So this post topic was a little unusual in that I've had it several times, over the decades, both professionally made in restaurants, and from heating up pre-made dishes from supermarkets. It appears I like couscous in general. However, as the cliche goes, it evidently depends on how it's made. Clearly, the best results were when it was professionally made, in a good restaurant. In closing, it's been a long time, and I'm not positive, but a good candidate for the Seattle restaurant I had such a sublime dining experience in is La Teranga. I looked at some recent reviews of it, and they were fairly glowing, too.
I was a bit surprised to learn that couscous isn't an exotic and different kind of grain. It's actually a subspecies of wheat, called durum. "Common wheat" is the most popular species in the world, while durum is a very distant second, comprising 5-8% of the world's wheat production. Durum wheat was artificially selected by humans long ago, around 7000 B.C., from a species of domesticated wheat (emmer) grown in the Middle East and Central Europe. Couscous wasn't developed until the 7th century, in Northwest Africa, in what's now the nations of Algeria, Morocco, Tunisia, Mauritania, and Libya. The traditional method of making couscous is very labor-intensive. The hardest part of the durum wheat plant, what's called the "wheat middlings," the part most resistant to grinding, is pounded, sprinkled with water, and hand rolled into small pellets. These pellets are then kept separate using a flour dusting, and are sieved. Any pellets that are too small and go through the sieve are recollected, and the total process is repeated, until all the wheat is in pellet form. In modern times this process has been mechanized. The most likely origin for this food's name is that it comes from the Arabic word kaskasa, meaning "to pound small." Since its invention, couscous has spread quite a bit, especially into Mediterranean and Middle Eastern countries. It's popular in France, Portugal, Spain, Greece, Italy, and Israel. It's also a major part of Palestinian cuisine. Couscous is often served in a broth or stew, with vegetables and meat (anything from chicken, lamb, fish, camel, or beef, depending on where it's being made). Alternately, it's also common as a sweet dessert, and mixed with things like nuts, honey, cream and sugar. Some cultures even use completely different grains, like farina, barley, corn meal, millet, or sorghum, but still call it couscous, or one of its alternate titles, such as maftoul.
I wasn't able to find out much about the Wild Garden company. The official website doesn't include any sort of history about the company itself. Just a statement that they're dedicated to providing Mediterranean food to the world. Some of their other products include pre-made shawarma, rice & lentils, bulgur (another durum wheat product), a Persian marinade, spices made for Turkish kebobs, hummus, and some snack boxes. For those who care about such things, only some of their wares are gluten-free, kosher, and vegan. Also, they state that they are not GMO-free at the moment, but they are pursuing this. Finally, the couscous I ate, and maybe the other Mediterranean specialty dishes produced by Wild Garden, was made in....India, for some reason.
But on to my impressions of the Wild Garden couscous. It came in a 250 g. (8.8 ounce) bag, and was microwavable. The ingredients were a vegetable stock made from water, carrots, cauliflower, green beans, tomato, onion, cabbage, cilantro, and salt and spices, along with chick peas, couscous, sunflower oil, and tomato paste. It had the small couscous lumps, along with visible chick peas, and was a dull brownish-orange color. The taste was kind of similar to the other pre-made microwavable couscous I've had over the years--okay, but not great. I had no problems finishing it, but I didn't love it like that initial encounter.
So this post topic was a little unusual in that I've had it several times, over the decades, both professionally made in restaurants, and from heating up pre-made dishes from supermarkets. It appears I like couscous in general. However, as the cliche goes, it evidently depends on how it's made. Clearly, the best results were when it was professionally made, in a good restaurant. In closing, it's been a long time, and I'm not positive, but a good candidate for the Seattle restaurant I had such a sublime dining experience in is La Teranga. I looked at some recent reviews of it, and they were fairly glowing, too.
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Alcoholic Waters
So, recently I was wandering around the alcohol section of a Shaw's supermarket in Vermont, and saw something new--alcoholic waters. Specifically, "spiked & sparkling" water from the Truly brand. Obviously, alcoholic alternatives to beer/wine/liquor have been with us for some time--the 1980's brought wine coolers, and after that customers saw various malt beverages like Zima (see July 21, 2018 post). Of late I've noticed even more varieties, including alcoholic teas, lemonades, root beers, and other different flavors of soft drinks (or "hard" soft drinks, now). But I was unaware that there were alcoholic versions of water. Therefore, I bought a sampling of the Truly line--the pomegranate kind, the blueberry & acai kind, and the raspberry & lime flavor.
As it turns out these were all hard versions of seltzer. Readers may be curious, as I was, what is seltzer, exactly, and how does it differ from mineral water, club soda, and tonic water? In brief, mineral water is from natural springs, has naturally occurring minerals (of course), and is usually naturally carbonated. Mineral waters are also usually rather expensive. Seltzer is essentially a cheaper version of mineral water. It's water that's been artificially carbonated, and sometimes has flavors added to it. Club soda is basically seltzer water which has had minerals added to it, for a slight taste difference. And tonic water is also artificially carbonated water, but it has a distinct bitter taste, because it's had quinine added to it. (Quinine is also useful to combat malaria, although the amount currently found in tonic waters isn't enough to do so, alas.) The name seltzer comes from the German town of Selters, which is famous for its natural springs.
Truly is made by the Hard Seltzer Beverage Company, which in turn is an affiliate of the Boston Beer Company microbrewery, most notable for their Sam Adams beer. According to the website the makers wanted a light and refreshing drink, which was low in both calories and sugar. For occasions when cocktails are "too complicated," and wine is "too heavy," and beer is "too bloaty." "The perfect post-workout, hang out drink." So they came up with a hard version of seltzer which has 100 calories, 1 gram of sugar, and 5% alcohol per 12 ounce (355 mL) can. Truly comes in 8 different flavors. Besides the three I already mentioned, there's wild berry, colima lime, grapefruit & pomelo, lemon & yuzu (a Japanese citrus fruit), and Sicilian blood orange. They're also proud to be gluten free, and with no artificial flavors or sweeteners. The ingredients for the ones I got, and presumably all of them, are filtered water, alcohol from cane sugar, natural flavors, cane sugar, citric acid, carbon dioxide, and Mandarina hops. Some of Truly's competitors include Henry's Hard, Nauti, White Claw, Smirnoff, and the originator of alcoholic seltzer, Spiked Seltzer (who developed their creation in 2013).
1) Truly hard seltzer, blueberry & acai flavor. Color of this was clear, and had a slight berry odor. Tasted like seltzer, which to me is not a good thing. Some berry taste, but very little. Not good. Hides its alcoholic content well, though.
2) Truly hard seltzer, pomegranate flavor. Same color, and same slight fruity smell. As with all three kinds, this one had a slight head which dissipated almost instantly. Some flavoring, but once again, not enough to make it good. Disappointing to say the least.
3) Truly hard seltzer, raspberry & lime flavor. Same odor and color as the others. Some ghost of a fruity flavor, but very slight. Not a pleasant drink at all. Fail!
In summation, then, I really disliked these beverages. But, to be fair, I hate seltzer waters in general--both the plain and flavored kinds. Which is maybe odd since I like many carbonated soft drinks, and other carbonated beverages like beer. But something about carbonated water puts me off, even ones with alleged flavors. I think the writing on the Truly cans was accurate, when they said, "with a hint of " the listed fruit flavor--you could barely taste anything. Suffice it to say that I won't be buying any of these again, nor will I be trying any of the other Truly flavors, or any other brands of hard seltzer. But, if you like seltzer water, you might enjoy these, I guess.
Finally, I thought I'd end with a little info about the Boston Beer Company, and microbreweries in general. Although there seems to be some differences in definition, most organizations recognize a brewery as being "micro" if it produces less than 6,000,000 barrels of beer (or 700,000,000 liters, or 190,000,000 gallons) in a year. As of 2015 7.8% of the beer sold in the U.S. was from microbreweries, aka craft breweries. As of March 2018 the 10 biggest microbreweries in the U.S. were:
1) Yuengling
2) Boston Beer Company
3) Sierra Nevada
4) New Belgium
5) Duvel Moortgat
6) Gambrinus
7) Bell's
8) Stone
9) Oskar Blues
10) DeSchutes
And starting this year, and up until 2025 Sam Adams is the official beer of MLB's Boston Red Sox, replacing Budweiser (see my May 25, 2016 post for a short snippy rant about this brewery).
As it turns out these were all hard versions of seltzer. Readers may be curious, as I was, what is seltzer, exactly, and how does it differ from mineral water, club soda, and tonic water? In brief, mineral water is from natural springs, has naturally occurring minerals (of course), and is usually naturally carbonated. Mineral waters are also usually rather expensive. Seltzer is essentially a cheaper version of mineral water. It's water that's been artificially carbonated, and sometimes has flavors added to it. Club soda is basically seltzer water which has had minerals added to it, for a slight taste difference. And tonic water is also artificially carbonated water, but it has a distinct bitter taste, because it's had quinine added to it. (Quinine is also useful to combat malaria, although the amount currently found in tonic waters isn't enough to do so, alas.) The name seltzer comes from the German town of Selters, which is famous for its natural springs.
Truly is made by the Hard Seltzer Beverage Company, which in turn is an affiliate of the Boston Beer Company microbrewery, most notable for their Sam Adams beer. According to the website the makers wanted a light and refreshing drink, which was low in both calories and sugar. For occasions when cocktails are "too complicated," and wine is "too heavy," and beer is "too bloaty." "The perfect post-workout, hang out drink." So they came up with a hard version of seltzer which has 100 calories, 1 gram of sugar, and 5% alcohol per 12 ounce (355 mL) can. Truly comes in 8 different flavors. Besides the three I already mentioned, there's wild berry, colima lime, grapefruit & pomelo, lemon & yuzu (a Japanese citrus fruit), and Sicilian blood orange. They're also proud to be gluten free, and with no artificial flavors or sweeteners. The ingredients for the ones I got, and presumably all of them, are filtered water, alcohol from cane sugar, natural flavors, cane sugar, citric acid, carbon dioxide, and Mandarina hops. Some of Truly's competitors include Henry's Hard, Nauti, White Claw, Smirnoff, and the originator of alcoholic seltzer, Spiked Seltzer (who developed their creation in 2013).
1) Truly hard seltzer, blueberry & acai flavor. Color of this was clear, and had a slight berry odor. Tasted like seltzer, which to me is not a good thing. Some berry taste, but very little. Not good. Hides its alcoholic content well, though.
2) Truly hard seltzer, pomegranate flavor. Same color, and same slight fruity smell. As with all three kinds, this one had a slight head which dissipated almost instantly. Some flavoring, but once again, not enough to make it good. Disappointing to say the least.
3) Truly hard seltzer, raspberry & lime flavor. Same odor and color as the others. Some ghost of a fruity flavor, but very slight. Not a pleasant drink at all. Fail!
In summation, then, I really disliked these beverages. But, to be fair, I hate seltzer waters in general--both the plain and flavored kinds. Which is maybe odd since I like many carbonated soft drinks, and other carbonated beverages like beer. But something about carbonated water puts me off, even ones with alleged flavors. I think the writing on the Truly cans was accurate, when they said, "with a hint of " the listed fruit flavor--you could barely taste anything. Suffice it to say that I won't be buying any of these again, nor will I be trying any of the other Truly flavors, or any other brands of hard seltzer. But, if you like seltzer water, you might enjoy these, I guess.
Finally, I thought I'd end with a little info about the Boston Beer Company, and microbreweries in general. Although there seems to be some differences in definition, most organizations recognize a brewery as being "micro" if it produces less than 6,000,000 barrels of beer (or 700,000,000 liters, or 190,000,000 gallons) in a year. As of 2015 7.8% of the beer sold in the U.S. was from microbreweries, aka craft breweries. As of March 2018 the 10 biggest microbreweries in the U.S. were:
1) Yuengling
2) Boston Beer Company
3) Sierra Nevada
4) New Belgium
5) Duvel Moortgat
6) Gambrinus
7) Bell's
8) Stone
9) Oskar Blues
10) DeSchutes
And starting this year, and up until 2025 Sam Adams is the official beer of MLB's Boston Red Sox, replacing Budweiser (see my May 25, 2016 post for a short snippy rant about this brewery).
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Roman Supersnacks
I'm being a little overly dramatic and vague with the title of today's post. It's ripped off from the tagline of the products I bought--lupini bean snacks, from the Brami company. Their logo is even an anthropomorphic bean wearing a Roman-style helmet, equipped with a sword and shield.
Lupini beans (aka lupin beans) are an ancient food for humans. They've been used since at least 4200 years ago, as they've been depicted, and their remains found, in tombs of the 12th Dynasty of Egyptian pharaohs, and even earlier. Over in the New World, ancient Peruvians were cultivating them as early as 2700 years ago. The Incas later utilized lupini extensively, as did the Romans. Thanks largely to the Roman's influence this food spread throughout the Mediterranean basin area (Southern Europe, Northern Africa, parts of the Middle East). Lupini are especially popular in Brazil, Greece, Spain, and Portugal. Also, in what's now the American state of Arizona, the Yavapapi tribe also enjoyed them.
As usual, the "super" description is probably a marketing exaggeration, a la other so called "superfoods" (See my May 1, 2014 post), but they are undeniably nutritious. Lupini are very rich in protein and fiber, have only a moderate amount of fat, and are bereft of starch, which is rare for this kind of food. They also contain the full complement of amino acids, and are more tolerant of cooler growing temperatures than are many crop staples. Lupini are often pickled, and eaten as snacks, or even as bar food--the equivalent of pretzels and peanuts in the U.S. Sometimes the beans are ground into flour, and added to wheat flour to add some flavor.
There is, unfortunately, one major drawback with lupini though--prepared incorrectly they are poisonous, even fatally so. They contain bitter alkaloids that are extremely toxic. To be rendered safe, they must be soaked in salty water for several days. There are traditionally two main varieties, the "bitter" and "sweet" kinds, but both need to be soaked before eating. Recently an Australian version has been created which is actually free of the alkaloids, with no soaking needed. But some folks still prefer the traditional, potentially dangerous kinds. Also, lupini are technically legumes, and are related to peanuts. So people with peanut allergies may also have adverse reactions to lupini.
1) Brami lupini snacks, sea salt flavor. Came in a 150 gram (5.3 ounce) resealable pouch. The beans look like fat, light brown roundish beans. I tried some with the shell on, some with the shell removed. (The shell is very soft, and is edible.) Not much of a taste difference, so I ate most whole, with the shell on. They were okay, but kind of bland. Rather "meh" overall.
2) Brami lupini snacks, balsamic vinegar and herb flavor. Same size bag, and the beans were similar in size and color once again. These were slightly better than the sea salt kind, as the herbs and vinegar added some zest. A solid snack, but not awesome or anything.
3) Brami lupini snacks, garlic and herb flavor. Same package, bean appearance as the other two. The pick of this litter, for sure. I like garlic in general, so this makes sense. Yet again, though, while this snack was good, it wasn't great.
All in all, then, I thought that lupini beans were decent, but nothing more. So I would give them a slight recommendation. With one important caveat. As with bamboo (see my July 14, 2018 post), make doubly sure that the lupini you're eating were prepared correctly--this is not the type of plant you can just casually grow, harvest, and then eat. Even a "supersnack" isn't worth dying for!
Lupini beans (aka lupin beans) are an ancient food for humans. They've been used since at least 4200 years ago, as they've been depicted, and their remains found, in tombs of the 12th Dynasty of Egyptian pharaohs, and even earlier. Over in the New World, ancient Peruvians were cultivating them as early as 2700 years ago. The Incas later utilized lupini extensively, as did the Romans. Thanks largely to the Roman's influence this food spread throughout the Mediterranean basin area (Southern Europe, Northern Africa, parts of the Middle East). Lupini are especially popular in Brazil, Greece, Spain, and Portugal. Also, in what's now the American state of Arizona, the Yavapapi tribe also enjoyed them.
As usual, the "super" description is probably a marketing exaggeration, a la other so called "superfoods" (See my May 1, 2014 post), but they are undeniably nutritious. Lupini are very rich in protein and fiber, have only a moderate amount of fat, and are bereft of starch, which is rare for this kind of food. They also contain the full complement of amino acids, and are more tolerant of cooler growing temperatures than are many crop staples. Lupini are often pickled, and eaten as snacks, or even as bar food--the equivalent of pretzels and peanuts in the U.S. Sometimes the beans are ground into flour, and added to wheat flour to add some flavor.
There is, unfortunately, one major drawback with lupini though--prepared incorrectly they are poisonous, even fatally so. They contain bitter alkaloids that are extremely toxic. To be rendered safe, they must be soaked in salty water for several days. There are traditionally two main varieties, the "bitter" and "sweet" kinds, but both need to be soaked before eating. Recently an Australian version has been created which is actually free of the alkaloids, with no soaking needed. But some folks still prefer the traditional, potentially dangerous kinds. Also, lupini are technically legumes, and are related to peanuts. So people with peanut allergies may also have adverse reactions to lupini.
1) Brami lupini snacks, sea salt flavor. Came in a 150 gram (5.3 ounce) resealable pouch. The beans look like fat, light brown roundish beans. I tried some with the shell on, some with the shell removed. (The shell is very soft, and is edible.) Not much of a taste difference, so I ate most whole, with the shell on. They were okay, but kind of bland. Rather "meh" overall.
2) Brami lupini snacks, balsamic vinegar and herb flavor. Same size bag, and the beans were similar in size and color once again. These were slightly better than the sea salt kind, as the herbs and vinegar added some zest. A solid snack, but not awesome or anything.
3) Brami lupini snacks, garlic and herb flavor. Same package, bean appearance as the other two. The pick of this litter, for sure. I like garlic in general, so this makes sense. Yet again, though, while this snack was good, it wasn't great.
All in all, then, I thought that lupini beans were decent, but nothing more. So I would give them a slight recommendation. With one important caveat. As with bamboo (see my July 14, 2018 post), make doubly sure that the lupini you're eating were prepared correctly--this is not the type of plant you can just casually grow, harvest, and then eat. Even a "supersnack" isn't worth dying for!
Saturday, September 8, 2018
More NFL Players Who Also Acted
Since the 2018 NFL season just started (with my Eagles winning, barely, yeah!), I thought I'd do a post that was football-related. I decided to do a sequel to my post on November 25, 2017 about NFL players who also acted on a big time stage, either in television shows or movies. Admittedly, many of the guys listed weren't Brando or anything, but I tried to only list those who had at least one acting role where they weren't playing themselves. And as for their relevant playing details, bear in mind that up until fairly recently many stats weren't kept very well, especially defensive statistics like tackles (sacks weren't even officially tabulated until 1982!).
1) Rick Moser. I'll start with an obscure one. IMDB lists Moser with 10 acting credits, including roles on TV's "Mr. Merlin" (1981) and "The Facts of Life" (1985), and in movies such as "Lovely But Deadly" (1981) and "Dazed and Confused" (1993). In the NFL he was a backup running back/special teamer with the Pittsburgh Steelers, Kansas City Chiefs, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Miami Dolphins from 1978-82. In 49 games (0 starts) he accumulated 54 rushes for 190 yards (3.5 average) and 1 touchdown, and 3 receptions for 10 yards (3.3 average) and 1 touchdown. His Wikipedia page says that he set the Super Bowl record for special teams tackles, with 5 in Super Bowl 14 with the Steelers. (I couldn't confirm this, but just throwing it out there.) He was on 2 title winning teams, with the Steelers in Super Bowl 13 and 14.
2) Joe Klecko. Klecko was apparently a friend of Burt Reynolds (RIP), as his roles were in movies with Burt--"Smokey and the Bandit" (1977), "The Cannonball Run" (1981) and "Heat" (1986). In the NFL he played with the New York Jets and Indianapolis Colts from 1977-88, as a defensive end, defensive tackle, and nose tackle. He accumulated 9 fumble recoveries and 24 sacks in 155 total games, and 145 starts. He was named to 4 Pro Bowls and 2 All Pro teams, and is listed as the only man to make the Pro Bowl at his three positions.
3) Tony Gonzalez. Gonzalez was on TV's "NCIS" (3 episodes, in 2014-16), the TV movie "A.I. Assault" (2006), and movie sequel "xXx: The Return of Xander Cage" (2017). As a player he was a tight end, and will surely be named to the Hall of Fame very soon. He played with the Kansas City Chiefs and Atlanta Falcons from 1997-2013, and started 254 of 270 total games. He caught 1325 passes for 15,127 yards (11.4 average) and 111 touchdowns. He also rushed twice for 14 yards, and completed 1 pass for 40 yards. He was named to 14 Pro Bowls and 6 All Pro teams. Tony holds the all time tight end records for receptions and yards, and is in the top 10 for overall receptions, receiving yards, receiving touchdowns, and games played.
4) Joe Namath. Namath has 21 acting credits on IMDB. His notable TV roles were on "The Waverly Workers" (1978), "Fantasy Island" (1981), "The Love Boat" (1980-81), and "The A-Team" (1986). In movies he was top billed in "C.C. & Company" (1970) and "The Last Rebel" (1971), and starred in "Norwood" (1970) (which wasn't about doomed Bills kicker Scott). In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame quarterback with the New York Jets and Los Angeles Rams from 1965-77, starting 129 out of 140 games. He completed 1886 of 3762 passes (50.1%), for 27,663 yards, 173 touchdowns, 220 interceptions, and a quarterback rating of 65.5. Joe also rushed for 140 on 71 attempts (2.0 average) and 7 touchdowns. He was named to 1 All Pro team and 5 Pro Bowls. Joe's most famous for winning, and guaranteeing Super Bowl 3 versus the heavily-favored Baltimore Colts, of course.
5) Roman Gabriel. Gabriel has 6 acting credits--on TV's "Gilligan's Island" (1966), and in movies such as "Skidoo" (1968), "The Undefeated" (1969), and "Khan!" (1975) (which despite its name isn't a Star Trek prequel). He was also an NFL quarterback, starting 157 out of 183 games with the Los Angeles Rams and Philadelphia Eagles from 1962-77. Roman completed 2366 out of 4498 passes (52.6%), for 29,444 yards, 201 touchdowns, 149 interceptions, and a 74.3 quarterback rating. He also rushed for 1304 yards on 358 rushes (3.6 average) and 30 touchdowns. Honors-wise he was named to 4 Pro Bowls, 1 All Pro team, and was named League MVP once.
6) Howie Long. Long has 14 acting credits, in TV's "King of the Hill" (2000), and in movies such as "In 'n Out" (1984), "Broken Arrow" (1996), "That Thing You Do!" (1996), "Firestorm" (1998), and "3000 Miles to Graceland" (2001). Howie played with the Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders from 1981-93, as a defensive end and nose tackle. He started 151 out of 179 games, and intercepted 2 passes for 84 yards, recovered 10 fumbles, and sacked the quarterback 84 times. He was named to 2 All Pro teams and 8 Pro Bowls, and won Super Bowl 18. He's also a Hall of Famer.
7) Brian Bosworth. Among Bosworth's 23 acting credits were roles on TV's "CSI: Miami" (2005), and in movies such as "Stone Cold" (1991), "Virus" (1996), "Three Kings" (1999), "Mach 2" 2001), and "Rock Slyde" (2009). As a player he's renowned for being one of the NFL's most infamous busts, as he was a great, controversial college football star while playing only 3 years (1987-89) in the NFL, with the Seattle Seahawks, before injuries ended his career. He played in 24 games (all starts) at linebacker, and achieved 4 sacks. Alas, he's best remembered for being embarrassingly run over by Bo Jackson on a touchdown run in a game versus the Raiders.
8) Bob Golic. Golic is best known for a role on TV's "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" (1993-4), but he also appeared on TV's "Coach" (1993), and "Dave's World" (1995), and in movies such as "The Taking of Beverly Hills" (1991), "Da Vinci's War" (1993), and "Dreamboat" (1997). He was a nose tackle/defensive end/defensive tackle/linebacker in a career lasting from 1979-92 with the New England Patriots, Cleveland Browns, and Los Angeles Raiders, starting 160 of 187 games. He intercepted 1 pass for 7 yards, recovered 5 fumbles, totaled 22.5 sacks, and was named to 3 Pro Bowls.
9) Don Meredith. Meredith accumulated 19 acting credits, including roles in TV movies such as "Terror on the 40th Floor" (1974), "Mayday at 40,000 Feet" (1976), and "Undercover with the KKK" (1981), and on TV programs such as 8 episodes of "Police Story" (1973-76) and "Evening Shade" (1992), and in the 2002 movie "Three Days of Rain." He played as a quarterback with the Dallas Cowboys from 1961-68, starting 83 out of 104 games. Meredith completed 1170 out of 2308 passes (50.7%), for 17,199 yards, 135 touchdowns, 111 interceptions, and a 74.8 quarterback rating. He also rushed for 1216 yards on 242 attempts (5.0 average) and 15 touchdowns. He was named to 3 Pro Bowls, and played in the famous "Ice Bowl" game versus the Green Bay Packers before Super Bowl 2. Don was best known as a television commentator, particularly as Howard Cosell's comic foil.
10) Michael Strahan. Stahan's acting has been mostly on TV programs--"Chuck" (2008), "Brothers" (2009), "Are We There Yet?" (2011), and "Black-ish" (2015) among others. Movie roles include "Magic Mike XXL" (2015) and "Ice Age: Collision Course" (voice) (2016). In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame defensive end, playing from 1993-2007, and starting 205 of 216 games. He intercepted 4 passes for 124 yards and 2 touchdowns, forced 24 fumbles, and recovered 15 fumbles. He accumulated 659 tackles, 192 assisted tackles, and 141.5 sacks (6th all time) including the single season record (which is controversial, for many reasons, including Favre's flop in the final game). He made 4 All Pro teams, and 7 Pro Bowls, and won 1 Super Bowl.
11) Deacon Jones. Acting credits include turns on the TV shows "Bewitched" (1969), "The Brady Bunch" (1971), "Wonder Woman" (1978) and "Good Vs. Evil" (1999). Movie roles include "Heaven Can Wait" (1978) and "The Norseman" (1978). Jones played at defensive end from 1961-74, with the Los Angeles Rams, San Diego Chargers, and Washington Redskins starting 168 out of 191 games. He was named to 8 Pro Bowls, and 5 All Pro teams. He's an excellent example of how statistics of the past don't tell the full story of a player's skill. He "only" accumulated 2 interceptions for 50 yards, and 15 fumble recoveries, officially. However, he was unquestionably one of the very best defensive ends ever, and even coined the term "sack" for tackling a quarterback behind the line of scrimmage. Also, football historians estimated he achieved over 170 sacks, although this is unofficial, of course.
12) Fred Biletnikoff. Fred had a brief acting career, appearing on the television shows "Vega$" (1979) and "Matt Houston" (1982), and the movies "The Norseman" (1978) and the disturbingly named "A Knife for the Ladies" (1974). On the field, Fred was a Hall of Fame flanker/wide receiver, playing 190 games (160 starts) with the Oakland Raiders from 1965-78. He caught 589 passes for 8974 yards (15.2 average) and 76 touchdowns. He was also the MVP for the winning Raiders in Super Bowl 11.
13) Ray Nitschke. Ray's acting career is incredibly brief, and not very challenging, as he played football players in "Head" (1968), and "The Longest Yard" (1974). In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame linebacker with the Green Bay Packers from 1958-72, starting 150 of 190 games. He intercepted 25 passes for 385 yards and 2 touchdowns, recovered 23 fumbles, returned 6 kickoffs for 53 yards (8.8 average), and caught 1 pass for 34 yards. He was also a starter on 5 NFL title winners--3 NFL championships and 2 Super Bowls.
14) Brett Favre. Another Hall of Fame Packer with a small acting resume. Favre acted on TV's "Arli$$" (1997), "KaBlam!" (1998), and in the movie "Reggie's Prayer" (1996). He also played himself in the movie "There's Something About Mary" (1998). On the field he started 298 out of 302 games, mostly with the Packers, but also with the New York Jets and Minnesota Vikings from 1991-2010. He completed 6300 out of 10169 passes (62.0%), for 71,838 yards, 508 touchdowns, and 336 interceptions, and a 86.0 quarterback rating. He also rushed for 1844 yards on 602 rushes (3.1 average) and 14 touchdowns. Given his long career, he's been the all time leader in passing attempts, completions, touchdown passes, yards, etc., although some of these have been broken, or probably will be by Drew Brees and/or Tom Brady soon.
15) Michael Irvin. Irvin has 8 acting credits, including TV's "One on One" (2002) and "Burn Notice" (2009), and in movies such as ""The Longest Yard" (2005), and "Slamma Jamma" (2017). On the field he played wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys from 1988-99, starting 147 of 159 games. He caught 750 passes for 11,904 yards (15.9 average) and 65 touchdowns, and also rushed 6 times for 6 yards (1.0 average). Irvin was named to 1 All Pro team, 5 Pro Bowls, and was part of 3 Super Bowl titles. He's also a Hall of Famer.
16) Mark Schlereth. Mark has 3 acting credits--12 episodes of TV's "Guiding Light" (2007-9), TV's "Ballers" (2015-17), and a role in the movie "Red Dawn" (2012). He's also been a producer. He played offensive guard and center for the Washington Redskins and Denver Broncos from 1989-2000, starting 140 out of 156 games. He recovered 2 fumbles, was named to 2 Pro Bowls, and won 3 Super Bowls. He's also allegedly not fully house broken--I'll leave it to readers to find out one of the reasons he's nicknamed "Stink."
17) Dan Marino. Among Dan's 5 acting credits include the movie "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994), and TV's "The Magic School Bus" (1996) and "The Simpsons" (1999). (To be fair, I think he only played himself, so not much of an acting challenge.) In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame quarterback with the Miami Dolphins from 1983-99, starting 240 out of 242 games. Dan completed 4967 out of 8358 passes (59.4%), for 61,361 yards, 420 touchdowns, 252 interceptions, and a 86.4 quarterback rating. He rushed 301 times for 87 yards (.3 yard average) and 9 touchdowns. He was notoriously hard to sack--he holds the all time record for lowest sack rate (3.13%) with Peyton Manning.
18) Bill Romanowski. Bill has 8 acing credits, including the movies "The Longest Yard" (2005), "Wieners" (2008), "Get Smart" (2008), "Bedtime Stories" (2008), and "Blended" (2014). His playing career lasted from 1988-2003, with the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Denver Broncos, and Oakland Raiders. He started 222 out of 243 total games. Bill intercepted 18 passes for 98 yards and 1 touchdown, forced 16 fumbles, recovered 18 fumbles, and totaled 964 tackles, 154 assisted tackles, and 39.5 sacks. He also played on 4 Super Bowl winners, and was named to 2 Pro Bowls.
19) Roy Jefferson. He only acted once, but it was a starring role in the movie "Brotherhood of Death" (1976). On the field he played from 1965-78 with the Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Colts, and Washington Redskins. He started 144 out of 162 games at wide receiver/ split end. Overall he caught 451 passes for 7539 yards, (16.7 average) and 52 touchdowns, while rushing 25 times for 188 yards (7.5 average). He also returned 5 kickoffs for 91 yards (18.2 average), and returned 58 punts for 436 yards (7.5 average) and another touchdown. Honors-wise he was named to 1 All Pro team, 3 Pro Bowls, and was part of 1 Super Bowl winning team.
20) Bo Jackson. 8 total acting credits. He appeared on TV shows such as "Diagnosis: Murder" (1995) and "Married with Children" (1996), and movies, including "The Chamber" (1996), "Fakin' Da Funk" (1997), and "The Pandora Project" (1998). Jackson is most famous for being a great college football player, and a decent Major League baseball player. His NFL career was short, only lasting parts of 4 seasons (1987-1990) due to his baseball commitments and then injury. Playing running back, he started 23 out of 38 games. He rushed 515 times for 2782 yards (5.4 average) and 16 touchdowns, while catching 40 passes for 352 yards (8.8 average) and 2 more touchdowns. He also made 1 Pro Bowl.
21) Mike Ditka. Among Ditka's 13 acting credits were roles on TV shows like "Cheers" (1993), and "3rd Rock from the Sun" (1997), and in movies/shorts like "UP Michigan" (2001, "Kicking and Screaming" (2005), and "Madzilla" (2014). In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame tight end, playing with the Chicago Bears, Philadelphia Eagles, and Dallas Cowboys from 1961-72. He started 118 out of 158 games, and caught 427 passes for 5812 yards (13.6 average) and 43 touchdowns. He also was All Pro 2 times, and a Pro Bowler 5 times.
22) Bernie Casey. Casey has 80 acting credits, including movies such as "Guns of the Magnificent Seven" (1969), "Boxcar Bertha" (1972), "Cleopatra Jones" (1973), "The Man Who Fell to Earth" (1976), "Never Say Never Again" (1983), "Revenge of the Nerds" (1984, and several of its sequels), "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka" (1988), "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" (1989), and "In the Mouth of Madness" (1994). On the field he played halfback/flanker/tight end/wide receiver from 1961-68 for the San Francisco 49ers and the Los Angeles Rams. He caught 359 passes for 5444 yards (15.2 average) and 40 touchdowns, and also rushed once for 23 yards. He started 92 out of 105 games, and made 1 Pro Bowl. Therefore, it seems to me that Bernie has the distinction of having the most balanced dual career out of all the players mentioned. Most fall into 2 camps--either they're great players who acted a little bit, or solid actors who played briefly. Bernie had decently extensive careers at both.
23) Woody Strode. 92 acting credits for Strode, including movies like "The Ten Commandments" (1956), "Pork Chop Hill" (1959), "Spartacus" (1960), "Sergeant Rutledge" (1960), "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" (1962), "The Professionals" (1966), "Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968), "Kingdom of the Spiders" (1977), and "The Quick and the Dead" (1995). He was also nominated for a Golden Globe award for "Spartacus" which I think is unique for ex-NFLers. His NFL career was very short, but important: Along with teammate Kenny Washington, and Marion Motley and Bill Willis for the AAFC's Cleveland Browns, they were the first men to break the pro football color barrier, which lasted from 1933-45. In 1946 Strode played in 10 games for the Los Angeles Rams at end, catching 4 passes for 37 yards, and returning 1 kickoff for 6 yards.
24) Frank McRae. Frank accumulated 63 acting credits, in movies such as "Shaft in Africa" (1973), "Dillinger" (1973), "F.I.S.T." (1978), "Rocky II" (1979), "Norma Rae" (1979), "48 Hrs." (1982), "National Lampoon's Vacation" (1983), "Red Dawn" (1984), "License to Kill" (1989), and "Last Action Hero" (1993), along with a turn in TV's "ER" (2003). His playing career was very short, lasting 6 games with the Chicago Bears in 1967 at defensive tackle. No stats were listed.
Finally, the last two are near misses, or honorable mentions.
25) Donald Gibb. Among Gibb's 93 credits are roles in movies like"Stripes" (1981), "Bloodsport" (1988), "U.S. Marshalls" (1998), and "Hancock" (2008), and in TV show like "Cheers" (1992) and "Seinfeld" (1995). He's best known, though, for playing "Ogre" in the "Revenge of the Nerds" movie and TV movie series. As for football, he's listed as being with the San Diego Chargers in the mid 1970's. I couldn't find out any information, though, as free agents and practice squad members' names aren't listed anywhere I could find. So presumably he was on the preseason roster and/or practice squad, but he never played in a regular season NFL game.
26) Gary Klar (sometimes listed as Klahr). Klar was on TV's "Law & Order" (1995), and in movies such as "Trading Places" (1983), "Legal Eagles" (1986), "Three Men and a Baby" (1987), "Married to the Mob" (1988), "Big" (1988), "Cadillac Man" (1990), and "Quick Change" (1990). But to horror fans such as myself, he'll always be best remembered as "Private Steele" in the George Romero classic "Day of the Dead" (1985). Football-wise, he played college ball at the University of Arizona. He was drafted by the New Orleans Saints in the 11th round of the 1970 NFL draft. However, in the preseason he tore his Achilles tendon, and ended his playing career.
11) Deacon Jones. Acting credits include turns on the TV shows "Bewitched" (1969), "The Brady Bunch" (1971), "Wonder Woman" (1978) and "Good Vs. Evil" (1999). Movie roles include "Heaven Can Wait" (1978) and "The Norseman" (1978). Jones played at defensive end from 1961-74, with the Los Angeles Rams, San Diego Chargers, and Washington Redskins starting 168 out of 191 games. He was named to 8 Pro Bowls, and 5 All Pro teams. He's an excellent example of how statistics of the past don't tell the full story of a player's skill. He "only" accumulated 2 interceptions for 50 yards, and 15 fumble recoveries, officially. However, he was unquestionably one of the very best defensive ends ever, and even coined the term "sack" for tackling a quarterback behind the line of scrimmage. Also, football historians estimated he achieved over 170 sacks, although this is unofficial, of course.
12) Fred Biletnikoff. Fred had a brief acting career, appearing on the television shows "Vega$" (1979) and "Matt Houston" (1982), and the movies "The Norseman" (1978) and the disturbingly named "A Knife for the Ladies" (1974). On the field, Fred was a Hall of Fame flanker/wide receiver, playing 190 games (160 starts) with the Oakland Raiders from 1965-78. He caught 589 passes for 8974 yards (15.2 average) and 76 touchdowns. He was also the MVP for the winning Raiders in Super Bowl 11.
13) Ray Nitschke. Ray's acting career is incredibly brief, and not very challenging, as he played football players in "Head" (1968), and "The Longest Yard" (1974). In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame linebacker with the Green Bay Packers from 1958-72, starting 150 of 190 games. He intercepted 25 passes for 385 yards and 2 touchdowns, recovered 23 fumbles, returned 6 kickoffs for 53 yards (8.8 average), and caught 1 pass for 34 yards. He was also a starter on 5 NFL title winners--3 NFL championships and 2 Super Bowls.
14) Brett Favre. Another Hall of Fame Packer with a small acting resume. Favre acted on TV's "Arli$$" (1997), "KaBlam!" (1998), and in the movie "Reggie's Prayer" (1996). He also played himself in the movie "There's Something About Mary" (1998). On the field he started 298 out of 302 games, mostly with the Packers, but also with the New York Jets and Minnesota Vikings from 1991-2010. He completed 6300 out of 10169 passes (62.0%), for 71,838 yards, 508 touchdowns, and 336 interceptions, and a 86.0 quarterback rating. He also rushed for 1844 yards on 602 rushes (3.1 average) and 14 touchdowns. Given his long career, he's been the all time leader in passing attempts, completions, touchdown passes, yards, etc., although some of these have been broken, or probably will be by Drew Brees and/or Tom Brady soon.
15) Michael Irvin. Irvin has 8 acting credits, including TV's "One on One" (2002) and "Burn Notice" (2009), and in movies such as ""The Longest Yard" (2005), and "Slamma Jamma" (2017). On the field he played wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys from 1988-99, starting 147 of 159 games. He caught 750 passes for 11,904 yards (15.9 average) and 65 touchdowns, and also rushed 6 times for 6 yards (1.0 average). Irvin was named to 1 All Pro team, 5 Pro Bowls, and was part of 3 Super Bowl titles. He's also a Hall of Famer.
16) Mark Schlereth. Mark has 3 acting credits--12 episodes of TV's "Guiding Light" (2007-9), TV's "Ballers" (2015-17), and a role in the movie "Red Dawn" (2012). He's also been a producer. He played offensive guard and center for the Washington Redskins and Denver Broncos from 1989-2000, starting 140 out of 156 games. He recovered 2 fumbles, was named to 2 Pro Bowls, and won 3 Super Bowls. He's also allegedly not fully house broken--I'll leave it to readers to find out one of the reasons he's nicknamed "Stink."
17) Dan Marino. Among Dan's 5 acting credits include the movie "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994), and TV's "The Magic School Bus" (1996) and "The Simpsons" (1999). (To be fair, I think he only played himself, so not much of an acting challenge.) In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame quarterback with the Miami Dolphins from 1983-99, starting 240 out of 242 games. Dan completed 4967 out of 8358 passes (59.4%), for 61,361 yards, 420 touchdowns, 252 interceptions, and a 86.4 quarterback rating. He rushed 301 times for 87 yards (.3 yard average) and 9 touchdowns. He was notoriously hard to sack--he holds the all time record for lowest sack rate (3.13%) with Peyton Manning.
18) Bill Romanowski. Bill has 8 acing credits, including the movies "The Longest Yard" (2005), "Wieners" (2008), "Get Smart" (2008), "Bedtime Stories" (2008), and "Blended" (2014). His playing career lasted from 1988-2003, with the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Denver Broncos, and Oakland Raiders. He started 222 out of 243 total games. Bill intercepted 18 passes for 98 yards and 1 touchdown, forced 16 fumbles, recovered 18 fumbles, and totaled 964 tackles, 154 assisted tackles, and 39.5 sacks. He also played on 4 Super Bowl winners, and was named to 2 Pro Bowls.
19) Roy Jefferson. He only acted once, but it was a starring role in the movie "Brotherhood of Death" (1976). On the field he played from 1965-78 with the Pittsburgh Steelers, Baltimore Colts, and Washington Redskins. He started 144 out of 162 games at wide receiver/ split end. Overall he caught 451 passes for 7539 yards, (16.7 average) and 52 touchdowns, while rushing 25 times for 188 yards (7.5 average). He also returned 5 kickoffs for 91 yards (18.2 average), and returned 58 punts for 436 yards (7.5 average) and another touchdown. Honors-wise he was named to 1 All Pro team, 3 Pro Bowls, and was part of 1 Super Bowl winning team.
20) Bo Jackson. 8 total acting credits. He appeared on TV shows such as "Diagnosis: Murder" (1995) and "Married with Children" (1996), and movies, including "The Chamber" (1996), "Fakin' Da Funk" (1997), and "The Pandora Project" (1998). Jackson is most famous for being a great college football player, and a decent Major League baseball player. His NFL career was short, only lasting parts of 4 seasons (1987-1990) due to his baseball commitments and then injury. Playing running back, he started 23 out of 38 games. He rushed 515 times for 2782 yards (5.4 average) and 16 touchdowns, while catching 40 passes for 352 yards (8.8 average) and 2 more touchdowns. He also made 1 Pro Bowl.
21) Mike Ditka. Among Ditka's 13 acting credits were roles on TV shows like "Cheers" (1993), and "3rd Rock from the Sun" (1997), and in movies/shorts like "UP Michigan" (2001, "Kicking and Screaming" (2005), and "Madzilla" (2014). In the NFL he was a Hall of Fame tight end, playing with the Chicago Bears, Philadelphia Eagles, and Dallas Cowboys from 1961-72. He started 118 out of 158 games, and caught 427 passes for 5812 yards (13.6 average) and 43 touchdowns. He also was All Pro 2 times, and a Pro Bowler 5 times.
22) Bernie Casey. Casey has 80 acting credits, including movies such as "Guns of the Magnificent Seven" (1969), "Boxcar Bertha" (1972), "Cleopatra Jones" (1973), "The Man Who Fell to Earth" (1976), "Never Say Never Again" (1983), "Revenge of the Nerds" (1984, and several of its sequels), "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka" (1988), "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" (1989), and "In the Mouth of Madness" (1994). On the field he played halfback/flanker/tight end/wide receiver from 1961-68 for the San Francisco 49ers and the Los Angeles Rams. He caught 359 passes for 5444 yards (15.2 average) and 40 touchdowns, and also rushed once for 23 yards. He started 92 out of 105 games, and made 1 Pro Bowl. Therefore, it seems to me that Bernie has the distinction of having the most balanced dual career out of all the players mentioned. Most fall into 2 camps--either they're great players who acted a little bit, or solid actors who played briefly. Bernie had decently extensive careers at both.
23) Woody Strode. 92 acting credits for Strode, including movies like "The Ten Commandments" (1956), "Pork Chop Hill" (1959), "Spartacus" (1960), "Sergeant Rutledge" (1960), "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" (1962), "The Professionals" (1966), "Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968), "Kingdom of the Spiders" (1977), and "The Quick and the Dead" (1995). He was also nominated for a Golden Globe award for "Spartacus" which I think is unique for ex-NFLers. His NFL career was very short, but important: Along with teammate Kenny Washington, and Marion Motley and Bill Willis for the AAFC's Cleveland Browns, they were the first men to break the pro football color barrier, which lasted from 1933-45. In 1946 Strode played in 10 games for the Los Angeles Rams at end, catching 4 passes for 37 yards, and returning 1 kickoff for 6 yards.
24) Frank McRae. Frank accumulated 63 acting credits, in movies such as "Shaft in Africa" (1973), "Dillinger" (1973), "F.I.S.T." (1978), "Rocky II" (1979), "Norma Rae" (1979), "48 Hrs." (1982), "National Lampoon's Vacation" (1983), "Red Dawn" (1984), "License to Kill" (1989), and "Last Action Hero" (1993), along with a turn in TV's "ER" (2003). His playing career was very short, lasting 6 games with the Chicago Bears in 1967 at defensive tackle. No stats were listed.
Finally, the last two are near misses, or honorable mentions.
25) Donald Gibb. Among Gibb's 93 credits are roles in movies like"Stripes" (1981), "Bloodsport" (1988), "U.S. Marshalls" (1998), and "Hancock" (2008), and in TV show like "Cheers" (1992) and "Seinfeld" (1995). He's best known, though, for playing "Ogre" in the "Revenge of the Nerds" movie and TV movie series. As for football, he's listed as being with the San Diego Chargers in the mid 1970's. I couldn't find out any information, though, as free agents and practice squad members' names aren't listed anywhere I could find. So presumably he was on the preseason roster and/or practice squad, but he never played in a regular season NFL game.
26) Gary Klar (sometimes listed as Klahr). Klar was on TV's "Law & Order" (1995), and in movies such as "Trading Places" (1983), "Legal Eagles" (1986), "Three Men and a Baby" (1987), "Married to the Mob" (1988), "Big" (1988), "Cadillac Man" (1990), and "Quick Change" (1990). But to horror fans such as myself, he'll always be best remembered as "Private Steele" in the George Romero classic "Day of the Dead" (1985). Football-wise, he played college ball at the University of Arizona. He was drafted by the New Orleans Saints in the 11th round of the 1970 NFL draft. However, in the preseason he tore his Achilles tendon, and ended his playing career.
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