Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Jellyfish

     First off, the common name is a misnomer; jellyfish aren’t actually fish, and aren’t even vertebrates (some folks call them “jellies” to clear up this misconception).  A backbone isn’t the only body part they lack—they’re also missing specialized respiratory, digestive, circulatory, and central nervous systems.  Their “brains” are merely nerve nets.  Most don’t even have true eyes—they might have, at best, sensory organs which can detect light.  Also, most don’t even truly swim.  They just drift along in the current.  Despite this, jellyfish are carnivorous, as they sweep up other small organisms that become tangled in their tentacles and pass close by their bodies.  Like flatworms, they have a rather disturbing attribute; one hole serves as both a mouth and an anus.  Jellyfish structurally consist of a main body, or “bell,” with tentacles extending from this.  Their bodies are typically roundish in shape, or squarish.  All of these primitive characteristics aren’t surprising, given that they’re so ancient a species.  Really ancient.  Like 500-700 million years old.  They are, actually, the oldest multi-organ animal.  So they’re primitive and simple, to the extreme, but it’s sure worked well for them.

     There is a fair bit of variety within the species.  Some types reproduce asexually, others sexually.  Most are marine, but a few can live in fresh water.  Most dramatically, some are less than an inch long, while others, counting their extended tentacles, can be over a hundred feet long.  The heaviest one is the Nomura’s Jellyfish, which body ranges up to a two meter (6.6 feet) diameter, and weighs up to 200 kilograms, or 440 pounds.

     But when we discuss jellyfish, there’s the animal’s most distinctive trait—their sting.  When I was a child swimming off the coast of Ocean City, NJ, I encountered this several times.  As I recall, late summer was the worst time, when they would be plentiful.  These jellyfish, which were about 6 inches to a foot in diameter, fortunately had relatively minor stings.  Slight pain and some skin irritation was about the extent of it.

     Some jellyfish aren’t so comparatively harmless, though.  Some types can cause significant pain, or even kill people.  The worst kind is the box jellyfish family, which is native mainly to the tropical Indian Ocean and western and central Pacific, although some species are found off the coast of Japan, California, the Mediterranean Sea, South Africa, and New Zealand.  They are potent enough that during certain times of the year beaches are closed because of their peak periods.  And unlike most jellyfish, this type has true eyes, and actively hunts its prey.

     The absolute worst, though, is the subspecies of box jellyfish called irukandji (found mainly off the coasts of Australia and Malaysia, but occasionally found in the waters off of Florida, Japan, and even the British Isles).  This jellyfish can be tiny, less than the size of a person’s fingernail, but packs a whallop.  I can remember seeing a nature documentary where scientists were studying it.  Two of them accidently got stung while diving, and the viewer got to see them writhing in agony in the hospital.  Sufferers of what’s called “irukandji syndrome” get symptoms like headache, nausea, sweating, vomiting, excruciating muscle cramps, severe back and kidney pain, burning skin, and even a psychological effect of feelings of impending doom.  Another victim described the pain thusly; the worst peak of pain during childbirth was like the minimum level of the irukandji pain.  This pain can last for days, and lingering symptoms for weeks.  It’s not uncommon for sufferers to beg doctors to kill them to end their misery.  So, in closing, if you see a warning about box jellyfish, or especially irukandji, in the waters where you’re thinking of swimming, I’d emphatically heed them.

     Even though they’re such a common sea animal, jellyfish don’t seem to be a very popular food item.  Evidently only the Japanese, Koreans, and Chinese really like them.  I’ve only seen them on the menu a few times, at Japanese and Chinese restaurants.  The most recent time I sampled them was at the same place I had sea cucumber (see November 22, 2014 post).  On the plate they look like clear whitish to light brownish strips of gelatinous flesh.  Most are flavored with vinegar, and/or soy sauce.  It wasn’t a strong taste, but it was okay.  The texture was similar to that of seaweed salads in Japanese cuisine—soft, and (of course) jelly-like.  Both times I had jellyfish as an appetizer, and I think that’s the best option.  I think an entire dinner of it might be a little underwhelming.  Good (but not spectacular), in small doses, every so often.

     Finally, there are many folk remedies for easing the pain of jellyfish stings.  Most prominent are vinegar and human urine.  Both are ineffective, alas.  In fact, application of these can actually make things worse.  Evidently sea water can help somewhat, but otherwise you’ll just to wait it out.  Recently, researchers have been working on a chemical to counteract the pain of even irukandji stings, which hopefully will prove effective, since waiting that one out is quite the ordeal.  Furthermore, despite the awful descriptions of what happens during a box jellyfish, or irukandji sting, bear in mind that these stings are comparatively rare, and human deaths are seldom.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Dock Street "Walker" Beer and Zombie Movie Top 10 List

     Dock Street Brewing Company is a well respected Philadelphia-based brewery and brewpub.  This offering is inspired by the AMC show “The Walking Dead.”  Inspired by, not literally affiliated with it—I don’t think Andrew Lincoln harvested the hops or anything (although his character might have, during the “Farmer Rick” period in the prison in Season 4).  The reason it qualifies for my blog (and honestly, it’s a bit of a stretch) is its zombie theme, and that it contains actual roasted goat brains.

     Walker is a fairly well respected beer, according to reviews.  Men’s Health Magazine, and the websites RateBeer and Beer Advocate all gave it decent, if unspectacular marks.  Good or solid seem to be the consensus.  Type-wise it’s an American pale stout, which is a variety I’ve never heard of before.  It’s brewed with wheat, oats, barley, cranberries (to simulate blood, I guess), and the previously mentioned brains.  And I should thank my friend Cody, for making me aware of this beer, and generously giving me a free one.  Since it’s a small, sought after batch, I’m particularly indebted.

      I had misgivings right off the bat, as stouts are not a beer type I normally enjoy.  And in some ways this foreboding was confirmed—I didn’t love it.  However, evidently I like American pale stouts better than the other subtypes, as I didn’t hate it, either.  I rate it about a C-.  It was slightly short of average, but far from a drain pour.  The goat brains were supposed to give it a smoky flavor.  I was hoping for a rauch bier-ish result (see June 25th, 2012 post), but alas, I didn’t taste anything like that.  Nor did I detect much of the cranberry flavor.  It seemed like a lighter version of a stout.  It did, though, hide its alcohol content (7.2%) well.  So, all in all, I don’t think I’ll have this again, but to those who like stouts, and/or want an atypical beer with a fun label (there’s a zombie on it, of course), it might be a good purchase.  It probably will be a little pricey, and hard to get, though.

     To flesh this post out a little, I thought I’d repost one about zombie movies.  This is one of my first blog posts ever, back from February 2012.  It didn’t appear on this blog, but on my publisher’s blog (www.musapublishing.com).  As always, feel free to chime in with your own choices, criticisms, etc.

 

                                        Top Ten Zombies Movies

     Since my book (“Dead Reckoning” due out February 17^th) is about the tragedy that unfolds when a cast and crew filming a low-budget zombie movie meet a group of Luddite campers, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss my Top Ten zombie movies.  To a zombie geek such as myself, whittling the vast number of films I love down to just ten was rather agonizing.  I made an effort to include the major types—a couple of George Romero’s movies (of course), a few Italian opuses (opii?), and a few intentionally funny/satiric films.  Just missing the cut were “Day of the Dead,” “Zombie Holocaust” (AKA “Dr. Butcher, M.D.”), “Let Sleeping Corpses Lie” (AKA “Breakfast at the Manchester Morgue”), “Dellamorte Dellamore” (AKA “Cemetery Man”), and “Prince of Darkness,” among others.  Movies listed in order of release.

1)      “Night of the Living Dead” (1968) Directed by George Romero.  The Granddaddy of the zombies-are-flesh-eaters theme.  Also originator of the idea that every dead body becomes your enemy (with rare exceptions).  Before this movie, zombies were basically fleshy robots, controlled by others, usually in small numbers, and therefore, not as dangerous and frightening.  NOTLD changed this forever, and created zombies as a new horror archetype.  Its unflinching violence and pitch black tone also were innovative at the time.  Truly, this could be said to be the “Citizen Kane” of zombie movies, in that it affected this subgenre and the whole genre of horror profoundly.  It’s never been the same since.

2)      “Dawn of the Dead” (1978)  Directed by George Romero.  Continues and tops the elements from NOTLD.  The hordes of the dead are expanding, and are threatening society.  Romero’s social satire (present in all of his movies, but most noticeable here) is a statement about how consumer culture in the form of shopping malls makes mindless drones of us all.  Very entertaining, with likable characters, good action, and incredible, gruesome gore.

3)      “Zombie” (1979)  Directed by Lucio Fulci.  Fulci’s tour de force about zombies running amok on a tiny Caribbean island.  Nasty, sweaty, and disturbing, yet oh so fun at the same time.  Includes two unforgettable scenes—one a horrifically painful and graphic death from a splinter of wood, the second a fight between a living corpse and a shark (!)  And the latter is real, not CGI.

4)      “Burial Ground” (AKA “The Nights of Terror”) (1981) Directed by Andrea Bianchi.  Another “spaghetti dead” offering, with all the typical elements of that—poor acting, ludicrous storyline, gratuitous nudity and gore, sleaziness of every kind.  To paraphrase John Waters, it’s indefensible, and therefore awesome.  You’ll probably feel the need to take a shower afterwards.  Also notable for the industriousness of the zombies—they show use of tools, and have problem-solving capabilities.

5)      “The Beyond” (1981) Directed by Lucio Fulci.  More Fulci, with all his trademark extreme violence and gore. A woman discovers that the Louisiana hotel she’s inherited is over one of the doors to Hell. The whole film has a dreamlike quality, or more properly, a nightmarish quality.

6)      “Dead and Buried” (1981) Directed by Gary Sherman.  A series of bizarre murders in a quaint New England coastal town bedevils the local sheriff.  Especially when the victims later seem to reappear.  Boasts an effective plot and good acting, along with spectacular special effects.  Oddly poignant, too.

7)      “Return of the Living Dead” (1985)  Directed by Dan O’Bannon.  Clearly meant as a satire of zombie movies (and does an excellent job at this) but also tense and frightening.  The dead are a revelation, too--smarter and nearly indestructible.  Originated the fast zombie idea over fifteen years before the zombie-ish folks of “28 Days Later.”

8)      “Re-Animator” (1985)  Directed by Stuart Gordon.  Loose (in every sense of the word) adaptation of the H. P. Lovecraft story, where university med students learn how to raise the dead, with devastating (yet often humorous) consequences.  Delightfully graphic in every way.

9)      “Braindead” (AKA “Dead-Alive”) (1992) Directed by Peter Jackson.  Before “Lord of the Rings” Peter Jackson put out low-budget, often gleefully gross yet imaginative fare like this.  Completely over the top in all ways—there’s gallons of blood, a zombie baby, ghoul on ghoul sex, reanimated intestines (!), and disturbing Oedipal events.  Despite all of these things (or because of them?) it’s also a sweet love story, and very (intentionally) funny.  Beware the Sumatran Rat Monkey!

10)   “Shaun of the Dead” (2004)  Directed by Edgar Wright.  Another zombie satire, and one of the best.  The dead return to life in England, menacing a slacker and his circle of friends.  More of a comedy than horror movie, but has some intense moments.   

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Dandelions

     The dandelion is, for most people, an extremely common sight.  They can be seen scattered across people’s yards and gardens in Europe, Asia, and North and South America.  But, as it turns out, there’s a lot more to this humble little plant than I’d imagined.

     When I was a young child, dandelions were a source of some amusement.  When the flowers were immature and yellow, we did the old folk trick, wherein you place the flower underneath someone’s chin.  If it reflected yellow, it meant that the person liked butter.  Oddly, a long series of scientific studies have shown that this is actually true.  Sorry!  Just kidding, of course.  Why even a six-year-old believes that there’s some connection between a flower and an appreciation of a dairy product doesn’t say much for kids’ common sense.  Not to mention, as I recall, it pretty much always reflected yellow—so this was a test which seemingly always had the same result.  Later in the season, when the flowers turned into whitish balls of parachute-equipped seeds, was kind of neat, too.  Blowing on the flowers and dramatically releasing the seeds was fun, and sort of rebellious, too, in that you were helping to spread a plant that those who kept pure, green, grassy lawns really hated.

     The most common name, at least in the U.S., dandelion, is based on the French name for “lion’s tooth,” as the leaves were considered to resemble these.  Other common names are more obscure, or entertaining.  Evidently the white seedy form of the flower is called a “clock,” but I can’t recall hearing that one growing up.  An English folk name for them comes from their believed diuretic effect after consumption—“piss-a-bed.”  Staying scatological, because they’re so typically found on the sides of sidewalks, where pets often relieve themselves, in Italy they’re known as “dog pisses” (pisacan).

     Also, their reputation as being a nuisance is mostly unfounded.  Because dandelions are actually a member of the groups called “beneficial weeds” and “companion plants,” as they actually help out in the cultivation of other plants used by people.  They attract insect pollinators, release ethylene gas (which helps fruit ripen), add nitrogen to the soil, and bring up nutrients with their deeper tap roots for their shallow-rooted comrades.

     I was further surprised to learn that dandelions are a common food source, although evidently not so much in the U.S.  The flowers, leaves, and even roots are all edible.  The greens and flowers are sometimes eaten raw in salads, or cooked with other foods.  The roots can be dried, and ground into a dandelion version of coffee.  They’re also used to make a British dandelion and burdock (see April 13, 2013 post) flavored soft drink, and occasionally made into wine.  Nutritionally dandelions are a solid choice as well.  They contain Vitamins K, C, and A, along with manganese, iron, potassium, and calcium.  They have some potential downsides, though.  They can cause allergic reactions for some consumers, and their pollen can cause minor skin irritations.  More seriously, their high potassium level can cause hyperkalemia in some, and leaves contaminated with snail parasites can result in the nasty and serious fasciolosis.  I didn’t see how to prevent this last affliction, so it’s probably a good idea to thoroughly wash dandelions before eating, and probably even safer to buy them in a grocery unless you really know what you’re doing.

     Speaking of groceries, I just had dandelions as a food from a Korean supermarket.  It was part of dish called jinga, not to be confused with the tiny wooden block stacking game.  It was dandelion plants along with chili powder, onions, salt, sesame, and anchovies.  I found it rather disappointing.  The main stalks were very tough, and hard to bite through.  The leaves coming off of these were softer and had some flavor, but not enough to recommend, even with the abundant spice.  Moving on, many years ago I was at a weird winery in the Amana Colonies in Iowa.  Apparently grapes don’t grow well in the area, as all of their wines were made from other fruits and berries, and dandelions.  The dandelion variety was strange, and not in a good way.  Granted, I’m not into wine in general, but still, I wasn’t a fan.  (Also, as I recall my friends, some of whom did like wine, also were less than impressed by the dandelion kind.  Conversely, I thought the Amana Colonies’ attempts at brewing beer were good—I liked those quite a bit.  Furthermore, their German dishes were an excellent example of this food type.)  To be fair, as I said, there are many ways to eat dandelion, so I’d be willing to try it in its other forms.  But I don’t have high hopes.

     Finally, despite the folk name, I didn’t notice that the dandelions had a particular diuretic effect on me.  But, staying on that, I plan to try to promote these slightly naughty names for this plant, and I encourage others to as well.  I hope to hear people in the future exclaiming things like, “Look at all those piss-a-beds!” while gazing out into their yards.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Frogs

     Frogs, I was somewhat surprised to learn, are one of the most common animals on Earth.  Except for some of the Sahara Desert, Antarctica, the extreme northern tips of land above the Arctic Circle, and a few isolated islands, frogs are pretty much everywhere.  Although, alas, that’s perhaps only for now:  Frog populations have plummeted in the past 60-70 years.  Diminishing habitats, environmental toxins, various diseases, and over exploitation by humans appear to be the main culprits.  But more about this later.

     Moving on, the distinction between frogs and toads is completely overblown.  They’re both part of the same order, and essentially, from a taxonomic standpoint, they’re all frogs.  “Toad” is just the common name for those frog species with dry, warty, skin, that live on land (as adults).

     With such a wide range of homes, it’s not too shocking that frogs have evolved a whole host of weird, interesting attributes.  Some types can survive being frozen.  Others can glide from tree to tree, similar to “flying” squirrels.  And now we get to their  defenses.  They commonly emit secretions from their skin to discourage predators.  These secretions range from making them slippery and tough to grasp, to making them taste bad, up to being deadly poisonous.

     Reproductively they can be a bit odd, too.  Some species have unfortunate high male to female ratios.  The males compensate for this by being well… extremely unchoosy, and occasionally disturbingly aggressive.  Females are sometimes fatally overwhelmed by suitors, and it’s not that rare for males to mount other (unreceptive) males, random inanimate objects, and even deceased frogs.  So they take the “any port in a storm” adage to disgusting and even terrifying extremes.  Once mating has been successful and the female is ready to lay eggs things can get unusual, too.  Darwin’s frog males keep the eggs in their vocal sacs for a couple of months, and then give oral birth when the young frogs have matured enough.  And, revoltingly again, the Suriname toad’s eggs end up under the skin of the female.  They gestate there, looking like some bizarre honeycomb.  After they hatch, and mature enough to leave, they erupt from the toad’s back, like some sort of huge, living zit.  Check this out on YouTube—it’s even more disturbing to actually see it.  I got to see a frog egg mass in the wild once in Virginia, and it was strange looking.  It reminded me of a breast implant—it was a firm-ish jellylike disc.

     Monty Python did a funny sketch wherein police officers are horrified that a confectioner is making literal “Crunchy Frog” chocolate candies.  However, folks actually eat them fairly frequently.  The French are probably the most famous partakers, but they’re also consumed in Belgium, Slovenia, India, Luxembourg, China, Vietnam, Thailand, Portugal, Spain, Greece, and parts of the U.S., especially in the Southern states.  Typically only the legs are eaten, as this is the best source of meat on them.  They’re fried, stewed, grilled, and put into soups.

     I’ve traveled fairly extensively in the South U.S., but evidently in parts that aren’t big on eating frog, as I have almost never seen it on the menu.  I can only recall having frog twice—from a Chinese restaurant in New York City, and at a casino buffet on the Cherokee Reservation in North Carolina.  Both times I remember the legs were breaded and fried.  The cliché about the taste, like many other exotic meats, is that frogs, “taste like chicken.”  Well, in this case, the cliché is accurate.  They do have a mild, chicken-like flavor.  Very good, I enthusiastically ate many.  Their little legs even resembled chicken wings visually as well.  I would certainly order them again, if/when I get the opportunity.

     But, to end on a cautionary note, as I mentioned before, frogs in general are threatened, and many species extremely so.  To be an environmentally conscious diner, then, for these reasons (and certainly not the taste) I don’t recommend eating them often.  Save them for an occasional, change of pace treat, is my advice.

     I'll end with a bit from the Monty Python sketch.  The manufacturer, Mr. Milton, of the Whizzo Chocolate Company, says the Crunchy Frog candy is made from baby frogs "dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest-quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose."  And they leave the bones in to make them crunchy.  Other odd candy choices include the Cockroach Cluster, Ram's Bladder Cup, and Anthrax Ripple.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Buddha Hands

     I know I’ve probably said this before, in posts such as the ones for lychees (see November 15, 2013 post), and mangosteens (see March 27, 2014 post), but this time I really, really mean it—Buddha hands are the strangest looking fruit I’ve ever seen.  The most common term for them is pretty apt:  As someone who’s exhumed many graves, and seen many de-fleshed hands, take it from me, it’s a decent resemblance.  I’ve also heard “Cthulhu fruit” as a nickname, and that’s fair too.  Or, to continue our parade of similarities, it looks kind of like a lemon and an octopus had a baby.  (Does this mental image challenge the internet’s Rule 34?  Maybe.)  Anyway, it’s roughly hand sized, of course, has a lemon-ish outer rind, and about 6-10 fingerlike tendrils coming off of it.  Oh, one more comparison—it resembles one of the “facehugger” aliens from the movie series of the same name.

     In a funny way, the “Cthulhu fruit” moniker is appropriate, too, as Buddha hands are a type of citron, which is one of the three original citrus fruits (Mandarin oranges and pummelos (see February 20, 2014 post) are the others).  Every other citrus fruit is a hybrid of these O.G., parent fruits.  Or “Old Ones,” as H.P. Lovecraft would have put it.  They are believed to have originated in Asia, either China or India.  As with many fruits, now they’re grown in other places which have hot enough climates.  Evidently they’re not that common, though, at least here in the U.S., because they’re very expensive.  They go for as much as $24 a pound, and the regular sized one I bought was $10.

     As for what people do with them, eating them is rather low on the list.  They’re prized as ornamentals, for both their tree and the fruit themselves.  But their most valued attribute is their odor—they’re used as religious offerings (“closed” fingered, more immature ones are considered best, as they’re mimicking praying hands), in perfumes, to freshen laundry, or to simply give a room a nice smell.  Because here’s the thing—they don’t really have pulp:  Under the outer rind is basically just inner rind, like the yellowish-white coating on an orange’s pulp.  Therefore, to consume them people usually use them as twists for drinks, or made into jams, or candied, or juiced and drizzled over salads.

     As even semi-regular readers know, I’m adverse to cooking foods, or even doing much preparation.  I checked out some of the complicated recipes for candying them, or jamming them (is that a proper verb usage?  It is now), and just laughed.  I didn’t feel the yearn to use the stove top, or, as I like to call it, the “little room underneath the burners” (i.e. the “oven”).  Instead I tried some of the quasi-pulp (inner rind) plain, and then attempted to make “Buddha hand-ade” by putting chopped up ones in water for a couple of days, and adding sugar.

     The results were awful.  I couldn’t even swallow the inner rind, and the drink was weak and barely had a taste, even with sugar.  Maybe the jams and candied varieties are decent, but I have to admit I’m not optimistic.  I can’t recommend these as food.

     However, this may be a unique case where I nonetheless recommend buying them anyway.  The odor, which is activated by cutting into them, is as pleasant as advertised.  But, mainly, I think they’re fun for pranks.  In my household, we pretended the Buddha hand was conscious, and evil, and told jokes in that vein, and put notes in its “fingers” that “it” wrote.  Or, it would probably freak people out if you substituted one for a lemon overnight.  They might think, “Did my lemon get syphilis or something?”  They’d probably make for effective Halloween decorations, too.  Yes, they’re definitely overpriced, but if you get some friends to chip in, maybe, I still think they could be worth it.  Just think twice (or three times) about eating them.

     (Oh, and finally, I don’t get the sense that the name is considered insulting to those who are Buddhists.  But if so, I apologize.  My intent was to try a new fruit, and write an entertaining post about it, and not to mock anyone’s spiritual beliefs.)

"Creature Stew" Cover Reveal

  
     Here it is!  As luck would have it, this picture could be showing a scene from my story in the anthology ("The Existence Mezzanine").  I think the publication date is basically any day now.  Obviously, I'll post more information here when I get it.
     And to those that celebrate it, Merry Christmas!

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Dogfish Head Brewery's Ancient Ales

     Dogfish Head Brewery (out of Milton, Delaware) is one of the more famous craft breweries in the U.S.  (Don't know if they export much to other countries--hope so, for their sakes.)  And with good reason--they're excellent.  My personal favorites include their 60 Minute and 90 Minute IPA's, as well as their Saison du Buff.
     But one of the things I like best about them is their willingness to experiment with different beer styles and ingredients.  If you take a look at their brewery's offerings over the years, it's well into the dozens, if not three digits.  Essentially, pick a beer style and they've probably already produced a version, or are presumably planning to.
     Given my profession, it seemed appropriate for me to try and rate beers from their Ancient Ales series.  Starting in 1999, Dogfish Head has partnered up with Dr. Patrick McGovern, from the University of Pennsylvania Museum, who specializes in studying ancient beverages.  One of Dr. McGovern's methods is to chemically analyze drinking vessels from archaeological sites and determine what was in the beverages.  Sometimes the results indicate that the drinks were alcoholic in nature.  So, looking at these chemical results, as well as from botanical samples, pollen samples, and written documents, McGovern has been able to roughly figure out recipes for some of these.
     The first Ancient Ale put out by Dogfish Head was Midas Touch.  This is a beverage somewhere between a wine and a mead, based on information found in a tomb in Turkey believed to be that of the real King Midas.  (Clearly, the myths and stories about him, such as his cursed ability to turn things to gold by touching them, are fictitious, but there does seem to have been an actual ruler.)  This beer is flavored with honey, white muscat grapes, and saffron.
     Chateau Jiahu is based on evidence found in a tomb at the 9000 year old Neolithic site of Jiahu in the Henan province of China.  Other highlights of this site include some of the earliest examples of writing, and some of the oldest playable musical instruments, in the form of their distinctive flutes.  The beer, which may be the oldest example of alcohol ever, is made with barley, honey, hawthorn fruit, and sake rice.
     Moving to Central America, another Ancient Ale, Theobroma, is based on analysis of pottery found at a 3000 year old site in Honduras.  It's flavored with honey, cocoa, chilies, and annatto.  It's inspired by the chocolate drink that was reserved only for the ruling elite, and the gods.
    Ta Henket is based on Egyptian hieroglyphics.   It consists of a wheat and bread base, with chamomile, doum palm fruit, and Middle Eastern herb flavoring, using yeast from Cairo.
     Birra Etrusca Bronze is based on the chemical analysis of drinking vessels found in 2800 year old Etruscan warrior tombs in Tuscany, Italy, along with botanical evidence from the same.  Flavorings include the ubiquitous honey, hazelnut flour, heirloom wheat, myrrh (appropriate for this season), gentian root, raisins, and pomegranate.  Additionally, it's also listed as being fermented in bronze.
     Kvasir is inspired by evidence found in a drinking vessel in the tomb of a leather-clad woman believed to have been either a priestess or a upper class dancer.  The tomb is Danish, and is 3500 years old.  Ingredients include wheat, lingonberries, cranberries, myrica gale, yarrow, (of course) honey, and birch syrup.
     Other offerings, some of which were discontinued, were their versions of sahti (see July 30, 2012 post), the African, honey and tree root flavored tej, and chicha, a traditional South American brew.
     I was able to locate some of these, and my opinions are below.  As before, if I find any of the missing ones, or when Dogfish Head inevitably makes more kinds, I'll of course try to find these, try them, and update this post.  As I often do, I'll be using the U.S. scholastic system of A (excellent), B (good), C (average), D (poor, but passing) through F (failing, awful), with pluses and minuses as necessary.

1) Midas Touch:    C-.  Okay, but a little too barley wine-ish (barley wine is a beer style I don't usually like).  The honey sweetness helps.

2) Chateau Jiahu:  C+.  Weird.  Almost like a wine, or a barley wine.  Taste is hard to pin down, and describe.

3) Theobroma:  D.  Didn't like.  Unpleasant.  Bad tastes include metallic, chalky, and plastic-y.  Couldn't really detect the chocolate or chili.

4) Birra Etrusca Bronze:  B.  Nice.  Some weird flavors--fruity, almost like a golden ale.  Very solid.

5) Kvasir:  B-.  Pretty good.  Finishes nicely--tart.  Fruity, in a good way.  Hides alcohol well.

     As further explanation, except for the Midas Touch, which I did find in 12 ounce bottles, all of these were only sold in 25 ounce "bomber" bottles.  And the prices for the bombers were steep--$12 to $13 each.  So if you're not reasonably sure you'll like it, maybe split one with a friend.  Also, these are all very strong in alcohol content.  The weakest is the Etrusca, and even that's 8.5%!  (The others are 9-10%.)  Looking at my scores, you can see I didn't love any of them, but really only disliked one.  Most were at least alright.  And I don't regret even the Theobroma--I didn't enjoy it, but I was trying something new, and different.  The expression "Variety is the spice of life," is one I try to adhere to, at least with foods and beverages.  And at the risk of sounding cliché and cheesy, imbibing any of the Ancient Ales is like reliving the past, embracing liquid history, if you will.