Good and Bad News

     I'll mention the bad news first.  As regular readers know, for the past three years I've been participating in the Coffin Blog Hop at the end of October.  This Halloween-themed Hop was for horror authors and artists to both entertain readers and promote their creative ventures.  Alas, the co-creator and current organizer, Axel Howerton, announced yesterday that he's cancelling it.  I understand his reasons, but I'm obviously disappointed.  I always looked forward to checking out other authors' works, and the fun contests and interesting articles about horror and Halloween-related things.  So thanks to Axel and company for developing and running a worthwhile event, and it will be missed.  RIP Coffin Hop.  I think I still will do some Coffin Hop-esque posts in late October, but it won't be the usual volume, and participation, of course.
     The good news is I recently got another acceptance.  My story, "Sheol," will be part of the Creepy Campfire Stories (for Grownups) Quarterly, from EMP Publishing.  Originally the Stories were part of an anthology, but due to the volume of manuscripts they received, EMP has expanded the theme into a Quarterly publication.  As the parenthetical subtitle suggests, this one isn't for the kiddies--expect lots of bloody, disturbing pieces about adult issues.  My story concerns a vision of the afterlife which is weird and terrifying.  Anyway, it's due out January 20, 2016.  EMP's address is:  http://www.emppublishing.com   Obviously I will post any more details, such as the cover, when I get them.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Buying Rare Beers in Vermont

     Normally, of course, buying beer couldn't be simpler:  You walk into the store or bar/restaurant, order or pick up the one you want, pay, and enjoy.  But here in Vermont, home to several of the most sought after ones, it's a little more complicated.  It's not quite like trying to purchase California condor eggs or anything, but it's still a little tricky.
     I'm mostly talking about Heady Topper, of course.  This beer, made by The Alchemist brewery in Waterbury, Vermont, is considered by Beer Advocate (www.beeradvocate.com) to be the very best beer in the world.  It's a robust double/imperial India Pale Ale, with an 8% alcohol content.  But, unfortunately for beer aficionados, it's a small brewery that doesn't ship its product more than about 20-25 miles from where it's made.  The Alchemist is particularly concerned with Heady's freshness, so they always keep it refridgerated, and in cans (which block light better than bottles) or kegs.
     All of this causes some zaniness and shenanigans.  The Alchemist has caught people trying to steal and resell their beers by secretly pouring it into other bottles on site, for example.  And, although it's illegal, people have attempted/succeeded in reselling Heady on ebay or Craigslist, with incredible markup.  A case that costs about $70-80 in Vermont may go for $250 elsewhere.  A 16 ounce can that goes for $3 at the brewery has been marked up to $18 in Washington, D.C.  People have even successfully sold empty Heady cans!  Which, frankly, amazes me. Is there also a black market for rare Cuban cigar stubs?
     Anyway, as you can understand by now, finding Heady Topper usually takes some research.  You have to go to the brewery website, which lists which stores or restaurants in the Waterbury, VT area are licensed to stock it.  And you have to know the day, or even the time they're delivered.  There's almost zero chance that a store that gets some in Thursday morning will have any left Friday, or even Thursday evening.  The first time I bought it, a couple of winters ago, I just got lucky.  The tiny minimart across the street from the hotel I was staying in had a surprisingly good selection, and got Heady on Thursdays at 2 p.m.  We happened to get back a little early from work that day, so I was able to get the penultimate four pack at about 3 p.m.
     I was away from VT for a while, but I just returned recently.  So last week I thought I'd try again.  This time I had my sights on another rare "whale"--Lawson's Finest Liquids.  Like The Alchemist, they don't currently sell to the public from their brewery, and they're well respected but don't ship very far.  Happily The Beverage Warehouse in Winooski, VT advertised getting both types on Saturday.  They opened at 10 a.m.  I thought I was being clever and/or ridiculous by getting there at about 9:25.  My embarrassment quickly turned to concern, as there was already a line of probably 50-60 people.  A woman in front of me walked up to the front of the line, and learned that those people (who brought camping chairs) had arrived at 7:30 a.m.!  At 10, the line finally moved, as we all filed in and snaked our way through the aisles of the store.  After another ten minutes or so, I finally reached a door near the back of the store.  A man handed me two 4 packs (16 ounce cans) of Heady Topper, and one 4 pack (also 16 ounce cans) of Lawson's Sip of Sunshine IPA (8% alcohol), which was #28 overall at Beer Advocate at the time.  Also, I just made it, as the supply ran out maybe 5-6 people behind me.  The Heady was $13.19 per 4 pack, and the Lawson's $13.99 (not including tax).  (Incidentally, I now realize I was kind of gouged the first time I bought Heady, since I paid $16-17 that time.  Overall I felt a little strange.  I'd gotten up early on a weekend, waited in line for like 45 minutes, all to buy some beer.  The cashier even remarked that she couldn't believe that people did what we had.
     I'm sure readers by now are wondering, "How did they taste?"  Is the punch line that I waited in line, like I was trying to buy concert tickets or something, only to discover that the beer itself was mediocre or even bad?  Are Heady Topper and Sip of Sunshine all hype, all pretentious customers getting off on the fact that they got something rare?  I'm happy to report that this wasn't the case.  (I guess it was at least partially obvious, since I bought Heady Topper again, but anyway.)  Both Heady and Sip are exceptional IPA's.  Well balanced, bitterly hoppy in a tasty way, and both hide their relatively high alcohol contents well.  I would say that Heady is slightly overrated, in that I don't know that it's the absolute best beer ever.  For example, staying in the double/imperial IPA category, I think that Dogfish Head's 90 Minute IPA, Victory's Dirtwolf, Sixpoint's Resin, Lagunitas's Sucks, Stone's Enjoy By, Green Flash's Palate Wrecker, and Great Lake's Erie Monster are all in the same league at least.  And beers in other categories are contenders as well.
     All in all, though, I don't have any regrets.  It was a little obsessive and silly, and a bit expensive, but like I said, the beers were excellent.  So if you're in the Central/Northern Vermont area, I highly recommend a beer tour.  I guess it's one of the beer versions of a Napa Valley wine tour, with lots of choices in a relatively small area.  I also found that Bent Hill, Frost, and Fiddlehead were very good VT microbrews.  Next on the "to get" list is Hill Farmstead's offerings.
     But, if you do actually pay for empty cans just to trick your friends into thinking you had a rare beer (and not for say, a can collection), I'll think you're kind of a weirdo.
    

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--More Mexican Soft Drinks

     Regular readers might recall I did a previous post about Mexican soft drinks (see August 8, 2013 post) which discussed the Jarritos, Sidral Mundet, and Sangria Senorial brands.  (This was also the one time I did a blind taste test to determine if I liked high fructose corn syrup better than cane sugar as a drink sweetener.)  Well, the international aisle in the Food Lion grocery in Newport News, VA (of all places) yielded up another type--Chaparritas.
     Chaparritas are part of the El Naranjo brand, manufactured by Grupo Mezgo, in Mexico.  It's a medium-old soft drink, as it's been sold since 1947.  Like many other Mexican drinks, it uses cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup.  These drinks are also non-carbonated, and contain Vitamin C and calcium.  Each bottle contains 100 calories.
     I was able to locate three flavors--tangerine, pineapple, and grape.  The bottles themselves are very small, being only 8.45 ounces (or 250 milliliters).  This is probably related to the drink's name.  According to The Urban Dictionary, "chaparrita" is Mexican slang for a short female.  In a friendly, family pet name sort of way, and not a nasty slur or anything.
     I regret to say that I wasn't a big fan.  Of the three, I liked the tangerine and the grape the best.  None of them, though, were unpleasant.  They were just bland.  Each did have the advertised fruit flavor, but each was rather boring.  When it comes to Mexican soft drinks these were distinctly inferior to most Jarritos flavors or Sangria Senorial.
     Also, their alleged healthiness is overblown.  It's true that they have some nutrients, but the amounts (5% of the daily requirements for Vitamin C, and 2% for calcium) are extremely low.  Also, their apparently low calorie content is a little misleading, too.  100 calories for 8.45 ounces works out to about 142 calories for a 12 ounce serving.  To compare, 12 ounces of Coke, Sprite, and 7Up are 140 calories, Pepsi and Dr. Pepper are 150, Barq's Root Beer is 160, and Sunkist Orange is 170.  Furthermore, while they don't have high fructose corn syrup, which has a (deserved?) bad reputation, they do have artificial colors and flavors, and have no actual fruit juice.  So, all in all, they're only marginally healthier than most soft drinks, and this is more than offset (to me, anyway) by their weak taste.  I can't recommend Chaparritas.
     There is one thing that Chaparritas are good for, though.  Their tiny bottles are good approximations of the ones used by the Luther character (well played by David Patrick Kelly) in the fun cult gang movie, "The Warriors."  There's a famous scene where he taunts The Warriors gang by clinking several tiny bottles (maybe 7 ounce "pony" beer bottles?) together in his hand while saying, "Warriors.....come out to play--ee--ay!" in an eerie voice.  (One final bit of trivia--the movie, and its novel precursor, are loosely based on the ancient Greek story, "Anabasis" by Socrates' student Xenophon.)
     Oh, and to those in the U.S., Happy Independence Day!

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Special Candies

     Typically, candy epitomizes the term “empty calories.”  Candy is usually sugar-packed (or in the case of the ridiculous Pixie Stix, is basically just artificially colored sugar granules) and sometimes fatty to boot.  That’s what makes candy so delicious, and so hard for most to resist.

     Well, a few companies have tried to have their cake and eat it too, so to speak, and manufacture candy that’s tasty and healthy.  Snap Infusion, out of Massachusetts, U.S.A., has come up with something called Supercandy.  To quote from their website, the candy has “5 kinds of awesome”—B vitamins, electrolytes, antioxidants, fewer than normal calories, and is natural.  They also have the slogan, “Yes, your tongue has dreams.”  (Which makes me wonder—do all our organs do this?  Does my spleen sometimes dream it’s naked except for cowboy boots, back in school being forced to take a test it hasn’t studied for?)  Fittingly, there are currently five kinds of Supercandy—gummy multi-berry, bean multi-berry (it looks like a jelly bean, not like it’s lima bean flavored or something), caramel, sour gummy fruit-full, and tart fruit-full.  Additionally they are endorsed by a female free style skier, Taylor Urlich.  I’ve heard of free style swimming, but not skiing.  But evidently it’s a thing.

     Also, the folks at AWAKE Corporation (from Canada) have invented their own spin on candy.  It’s not advertized as being healthy, but it is energizing.  Specifically, it’s billed as an eye-opener—each bar has the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee (about 100 mg.), and each smaller piece “bite” has the same as a half cup.  Because of this, their candy has a maximum amount per day warning (4 “bites,” or 2 bars).  All chocolate has some caffeine in it naturally, but this has been infused with over ten times the amount.  It has a vigilant-looking mascot, in the form of an owl named Nevil.

     For the Supercandies I was able to locate the gummy multi-berry and the caramel.  The former was orange and cherry flavored, and tasted like….gummy candies, or decent.  Which I guess is good— it wasn’t noticeably inferior or even nasty like some diet/”healthy” foods.  The caramel one was better—a nice sharp caramel flavor.  I would buy either again, especially the caramel type, as they’re both respectable candies.

     Although, to be fair, there is some criticism of these types of candy.  As a health website (the Mettler Center) points out, even “healthy” candy is still largely sugar based, with all the detriments that entails.  It’s still not as nutritious as say, a piece of fruit.  Furthermore, consuming diet type candies or snacks can backfire, as they result in slower drop of the hunger hormone ghrelin, meaning a person will be less satisfied with the diet version, and may end up eating more than if they were eating regular candy/food.  So keep this in mind—Supercandy may be better than most candy, with some benefits, but don’t go thinking it’s a healthy meal or anything.  (As an aside, I really like the name “ghrelin.”  I think it would make for a good monster name—“The marks on that haberdasher’s corpse show all the signs of a ghrelin attack,” or “While we were just talking, Ghrelin just razed Luxembourg and the better part of Helena, Montana.”)

     As for the AWAKE, I tried the caramel flavor, in the bite sized piece format.  It tasted like a typical carmel-filled chocolate.  Good, but not spectacular.  I might buy it again, but I don’t think I would necessarily seek it out.  Alas, I’m not really the target audience for this product, as caffeine doesn’t seem to really affect me.  Even so, I decided to be prudent and follow the stated piece maximum for each day.  But, I can see this being a viable alternative for coffee drinkers, as they could save some time in the morning by not having to brew up a pot, or drive to Starbucks or whatever.  As with any caffeine-based food or beverage, there are the usual health issues—addiction, nervousness, trouble sleeping, etc., so if you do indulge, I would follow the warnings on the package.  (Amazing caffeine trivia—severe addict Voltaire reportedly consumed a staggering 50-72 cups of coffee a day.  How he ever slept, or managed to be out of the bathroom for more than five minutes I’ll never know.)

Writing Announcement and Another Rare Poem

     Got some more good writing news recently.  "The Literary Hatchet" accepted another one of my stories, for their upcoming August issue.  You might recall that this same publication published a story of mine, "Sudden Death Overtime," back in April of this year.  The story that was accepted this time is titled, "St. Vincent," and it's about a decidedly unorthodox hitman.  This one is definitely only suitable for adult reading, as it's one of the more disturbing ones I've written.  I'll post more details when I get them.


     Just to fill out this post a little, I was revisiting some of my old papers from childhood.  Included in them was a poem I wrote in high school, in 9th grade as I recall.  As I discussed way back in my 2nd ever blog post (February 14th, 2012), I'm not much into poetry, either reading or writing it.  So with that negative endorsement, here it is:

I needed some money, that much was very clear,
To buy my family a Christmas gift.
If I did not, my mom would shed a tear,
And everyone else would be really miffed!
After searching for money in the park,
I still could not hit upon an answer.
I guessed I could have gone to a loan shark,
But dealing with them was worse than cancer!
I thought I might earn by shoveling snow,
But there was just none on the ground.
I soon did find it was a very tough go,
I realized there were no jobs to be found.
        But then a thought came to me on my deck,
        I could make cash betting football with Eck!


     I received an "A" and a "Nice work."  (Again, it was a small school, and I was only like 15.)  And to explain, the "Eck" in the last line was my teacher, Mr. Eck, and I did indeed bet football games with him (I think I came out ahead, too).
     For those not big on poetry, like me, this is an example of an English sonnet.  Also commonly known as a Shakespearean sonnet.  Ol' William didn't invent the form, but he did help to popularize it.  It differs from the classic Italian sonnet in that its end rhyme scheme is a-b, a-b, c-d, c-d, e-f, e-f, g-g.  Additionally, I learned that the term, "Sonneteers," for people who write sonnets, of course, can be used as an insult, apparently.  I plan to start using this myself, although presumably inaccurately.
     Finally, to end on a sad note, I recently found out that my teacher passed on about a year ago.  So RIP, Mr. Eck.  Thanks for being a fun, and informative English teacher, and for teaching us "Liar's Poker," which is a gambling game using dollar bill serial numbers. 

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Golden Berries

     The first thing to know about golden berries is that they have more names than a 1970’s-1980’s European zombie movie.  Here’s some of their alternate names:  Aztec berry, Inca berry, Cape gooseberry, African ground cherry, Peruvian ground cherry, Peruvian cherry, giant ground cherry, and my favorite—amour en cage (French for “love in a cage,” which presumably is also a cliché S&M movie title).  Or, evidently in the U.K. folks stay stiffly clinical, and refer to it as physalis, after its scientific name Physalis peruviana.  As some of their names indicate, golden berries originate from South America.  But they’ve been introduced worldwide over the past several hundred years.  Now they’re grown in the U.K., South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, India, China, Thailand, and Turkey, among others.

     The French “love in a cage” moniker comes from the fruit’s structure.  Each berry is enclosed within a papery, wrapperlike hood called a calyx.  The fruit itself is usually yellow or orange, and they are typically the size of a large marble.  The “cherry” part of many of the names is a misnomer, as they’re not related.  Actually they are close cousins of the tomatillo.  Traditionally they’re eaten in fruit salads, or as dessert garnishes.  Golden berries are also dried and made into their version of raisins.  Perhaps in Paris that form is known as, “the love in a cage whom you’ve forgotten to feed or water for weeks on end.”

     I found mine in the Stop & Shop in central Jersey, the same place I located the Indian snacks from last week’s post.  They were, as advertised, very sweet and tart, with an unusual, distinctive taste for a berry.  I enjoyed them, and would have them again.  However, with one caveat.  I don’t know if this was Stop & Shop’s fault or what, but at least 60-70% of the individual fruits were inedible—most were dried out, blackened husks, and some were literally sporting penicillin-like colonies.  I think the calyx might be the cause for this, as you couldn’t see the individual berries through their covering.  Maybe the calyxes help keep them fresh, but in this case the batch I had was clearly way too old.  But, as I said, assuming that they’re ripe the berries themselves are very tasty.

     Nutritionally golden berries are a good choice, too.  They have less sugar than many similar sized berries, and have a decent amount of Vitamin A, Vitamin C, niacin, thiamine, beta carotene, and antioxidants.  The alternative medicine crowd is big on them as well.  They claim the berries are effective against jaundice, help regulate blood sugar and keep your kidneys and liver healthy.  But, as always, these claims haven’t been scientifically proven to date.  Finally, they’re also touted as being superfoods—see May 1, 2014 post for more discussion on that issue.

Exotic/Disgusting Foods and Beverages Forum--Indian Snacks, and the World's Hottest Food

     So, for the first time in a grocery store I found premade Indian snacks for sale.  (Incidentally, I mean Indians as in the country, not Native Americans.)  The store, Stop & Shop, had a decent international foods selection in general.  And evidently the area between Princeton and New Brunswick, NJ, has a decent sized population of folks with Indian ancestry, or at least customers who like the cuisine. 

     Obviously, given the theme of this type of blog post, I’m pretty much always willing to try new and exotic foods.  However, in this case I was particularly eager, as I’m quite the fan of Indian food.  Everything from the appetizers, to the entrees, to the bread on the side, to the yogurt-based beverages are very tasty.

     Here are the snack foods I found.  I’m yet again using the U.S. scholastic method for grading—A for excellent, B for good, C for average, D for unsatisfactory but barely passing, F for failing, and pluses and minuses as necessary.

Peanut Bhujia, distributed by Deep Foods, Inc., made in the U.S.A.  These were peanuts wrapped in a coating made of chick pea flour, corn starch, corn and canola oils, urad flour, salt, chili, black salt, mango powder, black pepper, citric acid and spices:  A-.  I love peanuts, and these were basically just crunchier, spicier versions.

Cruncy Chor, also a Deep Foods, U.S.A. made product.  These were tiny yellowish crackers made from chickpeas, corn and canola oil, salt, red pepper, black salt, citric acid, and spices:  B-.  These were pretty good, but not as palatable as the previous bhujia.  Spicy again.  Rather messy to eat, too, as the crackers were easily broken into essentially powder.

Hot N’ Crunchy, once again distributed by Deep Foods, but actually made in India.  Clearly, this is a generic name—I couldn’t find a more specific one on the bag, or during brief internet research.  This snack looked sort of like trail mix, with small rods, pea sized spheres, and tiny crackers all together.  Made from gram flour, rice flour, rice flakes, corn flakes, peanuts, palm oil, red chilis, and spices:  B+.  These had a chip-like flavor to them, which I suppose comes from the corn flakes.  Decent again, and also spicy.

     Therefore, even the worst of these was still pretty good.  I would recommend any of them, unless you’re not into spicy foods.  Because the spice is noticeable—I could only eat a moderate amount at a sitting, as the spice grew on me.

     Speaking of spice, I was curious about the hottest foods in the world.  I’ve been in multiple restaurants that advertised extremely spicy food, usually in the form of hot chicken wings.  Back in my college days, I remember chowing down on the Thermonuclear wings at Cluck U Chicken in New Brunswick, NJ.  During one particularly embarrassing, (drunken) night, I was so overwhelmed by the wings that I drank the ranch side dressing to try to get some relief.  Some places which tout ridiculously hot foods even require potential customers to sign a legal waiver so the restaurant doesn’t get sued if you harm yourself.

     The standard scale used in defining food hotness is the Scoville Scale, named after its developer, the pharmacist Wilbur Scoville, in 1912.  Various types of pepper are the undisputed hotness title holders.  Back in 2007, the champ was the Bhut Jolokia, commonly known as the ghost pepper.  It scored a high of 1,000,000 Scoville units.  But the hot pepper game is constantly changing, so it was surpassed repeatedly in a short amount of time.  The Infinity Chili scored a 1,067,286, and then the Naga Viper Pepper got 1,382,118.  Then the Trinidad Moruga Scorpion scored a 2,000,000.  The latest champ is the Carolina Reaper (whose original moniker was the boring “HP22BNH”), which clocks in with a high of 2,200,000.  It’s a cross between the ghost pepper and a red habenaro.  Its developer is Ed Currie of the South Carolina based PuckerButt Pepper Company (really).

     I should note all of these scores are somewhat controversial.  Some folks contend that the Scoville Scale is too subjective.  They point out that the Scoville process involves 5 (trained) human tasters judging each candidate (after it’s been dried and dissolved in alcohol, and then diluted in a sugar water solution).  Differences in the human raters’ personal tastes, or simply sensory fatigue (taste buds can be desensitized after repeated tastings) can lead to different scores from different spice labs.  An alternate method is considered more objective and empirical, since it measures the capsaicin amounts (the substance that causes pepper hotness) using high performance liquid chromatography, and comes up with American Spice Trade Association Pungency Units.  (Roughly, one of these corresponds with 15 Scoville units.)

     But, my personal favorite will always be the fictional pepper featured in the chili cook off episode of “The Simpsons.”  It’s the episode where Chief Wiggum uses a super hot pepper which causes Homer to run off in a panic, and have various terrifying yet ultimately insightful hallucinations, assisted by his coyote spirit animal, voiced by Johnny Cash.  I’ll end by including Wiggum’s description:  “The merciless pepper of Quetzalacatenango… grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.”